Well, that was an interesting weekend.

Saturday was mundane enough. It just involved a quick coffee in the village to calm the nerves before venturing into Skobieville. I had a strange assortments on my shopping list, with the most important being mouse traps.

I bought four. These are new-fangled ones – all high tech with no wood in sight. The old wooden ones look like they were produced by child labour in the slums of Calcutta but the new ones look like they are straight off a NASA production line. They look really fucking impressive.

Once home, I set about setting the traps. A wodge of peanut butter and a swift click and they’re set. No danger of snapped fingers or anything like that. Just move the lever and they are set and perfectly safe, provided I don’t try to help myself to some peanut butter. I placed them in strategic spots where I had seen the little bugger scurrying past.

Five minutes later there was a loud click from the kitchen.

The funeral service was brief and to the point. There was no lingering by the grave or any of that shit. No eulogy or hymns..

I reset the trap and replaced it.

Half an our later I held my second funeral.

I didn’t get much sleep on Saturday night. I reckon about two hours. I’m getting too old for all night parties.

Yesterday I was knackered to the extreme. The last guests left just after eight and I fell asleep again in my chair. My doze was interrupted a couple of times for another funeral or two. I had no idea we had so many of the little fuckers. If they had left my food alone I would have left them alone in peaceful cohabitation, but the little shits insisted on chewing my packaging and crapping all over the place and I had to draw a line.

A friend called during the afternoon which was unfortunate as my brain was still asleep. After he left I held another funeral.

I think that’s five so far.

Fuck!

That was loud.

Make that six………