Enough of the misery and complaining.
Today is a fine sunny day and today is special.
Today is Census Day!
I have a little thing about forms. I hate the buggers. In the past I have wended my way through a multitude because [as I explained yesterday] I live in a bureaucracy. I don’t know what it is about them but as soon as I see one my head goes blank and I can’t answer the simplest questions.
A Census however gives me a little opportunity to get my own back. I have 24 pages of tick boxes and rows of squares [one letter per square, please] which is a grand space to be inventive.
Maybe I should include Penny? She lives here full time, is retired [age 12] with a PhD in something. She has no religion that I am aware of. She travels to the village by car because she’s not allowed on the bus. Her ethnic group is Canine [Lurcher Cross] and she cares for me 24/7, except when she’s asleep. She smokes and is in general in good health apart from a touch of arthritis. Her English is excellent but I have no idea if she can speak Irish [I must try her out sometime?].
How about adding in a ghost or two? There are times when we suspect the place is haunted. Things go missing or reappear in strange places, in particular my pipe which is constantly somewhere I swear I didn’t put it. There are the occasional unexplained noises. There is sometimes a puddle beside the toilet which I vehemently deny is my doing. I could put in a birth date of 01 04 1826 [one digit per square, of course] which should nicely fuck up their computer system.
Then there is that weird “Time Capsule” thing at the end. This is a large blank box where I can write anything I like and it’s supposed to be sealed up and not released for another 100 years. I can even draw pictures. I was tempted [as others have suggested] to just draw a large penis but that would be a tad puerile. Do I write about how we could buy a packet of fags for a mere €15, just to make the future jealous? Do I brag about sunny days we used to have before the Twenty First Century Ice-age started? I haven’t decided on that one yet.
I wonder if this site will still be around in 100 years, burned into some archive of the ancient Interwebs?
That would give them something to ponder upon…