I remember it well
I have concluded there are three types of memory.
There is the obvious one that is subdivided into short-term and long-term.
Long term memory is no problem. If anything it’s improving with age and I have discovered [not always happily] that doing my memoirs has brought back a lot more memories of the past. I have still forgotten great swathes of time which is fine. I console myself with the thought that there are few people alive who can remember in detail what they were doing on any random day in the past. Also the longer I live then the more there is to forget so that’s fine too.
The short term memory is definitely taking a plunge. It is possibly evident even on this here site when I scribble about something I have covered in the past but forgotten about. And don’t ask me what I had for dinner last night! I’m not worried about the short term memory as that is just a function of ageing and is to be expected. It’s a sign of normality.
The other two types of memory are weird though.
One is what I would term hidden memory, though some would call it muscle memory. This is where I do something and don’t even remember doing it. Several times I have discovered a fresh mug of tea beside me with no memory of making it. These are the events that I do so frequently that I don’t have to think about them and they fail to register in my consciousness. Sometimes I will find myself standing in front of an open fridge with the sudden realisation that I have filled a kettle, boiled it and poured a mug of tea and am in the process of fetching milk without having thought about any of it. It’s a bit like that phenomenon where you are going for a drive and your mind wanders and you suddenly realise you have covered many miles without any recollection of any of the journey.
The last type of memory is a real bugger. That is false memory. This is where I think I have done something when in fact I haven’t and am remembering doing it on a previous occasion.
I went to bed on Sunday night. I was tired and looking forward to a grand kip. As the clock in the next room chimed twice I was still reading with no hint of sleep to come. Then three. Then four. By five I was really pissed off and was wondering what the fuck was going on. The last time this had happened I had forgotten to load back my evening pills but I distinctly remembered taking them this time. Herself had even reminded me and I had assured her I had taken them. Around half five I finally dropped off. Two hours later I was wide awake again with no chance of any further sleep. I got up and felt like death warmed up.
I made my morning mug and went to take my morning dose and there were last night’s lot staring at me! I distinctly remembered taking them but there they were. I was obviously remembering the previous evening.
Today is the first day this week where I am close to normality. Monday was shit all day and yesterday was a lot better but I still had after-effects.
I have reminders on my phone to ding at me with a message – “meds”.
Now I have added more reminders, five minutes later – “Are you really sure?”
I’ve just forgotten what I was going to comment.
I bet it was about that time that we were heading out on a fishing trip and, hold on; that wasn’t you, was it?
(This is somewhat embarrassing.)
My apologies Mudplugger.
By coincidence, there is a fishing trophy bearing my name for which local anglers compete annually. So maybe it was me after all . . .
I’d apologise to you but I’ve forgotten your name already.
I understand completely. My “Golden Years” seem more and more like Cast Iron as the months pass.
Minkowski, I think it was, suggested time happened all at once, and that past present and future were a matter of convenience. So the tablets staring at you could have been the ones for tomorrow.
Things are clearly worse than you think. Your mind is protecting you.
There are three types of memory and then you list four. Maths is on its way out as well.
The making the tea one though is Gods way of saving your memory space. It clears out your short term memory regarding boring things. My CPU does this as well as it wipes conversations with boring people immediately after they leave or hang up.
The false memory is interesting though. Most times it is repetitive tasks that get interrupted and you then forget about because you do that at 1000 or something. However, there are times when I’m convinced I’ve done something only to find out later I haven’t. There was even something I dreamed about in a fevered dream, thought it was real but eventually I thought what are the chances Rachel Riley would get jiggy jiggy with me so was brought down to earth with a bump.
Looking at your list and ticking them off shows me that I’m in the same position as you. Bugger.
I wondered if anyone would be pedantic enough to claim I miscounted.. My first category has two subcategories which don’t warrant a top place. Conscious memory is the main one and short term/long term are just arbitrary classes.
I’ve been there many times too – I just say Fuckit and have them anyway .. a double dose often gets me through the night without repeated stumbles to the heads.
Some things I can double up on but others I’m wary of. I have discovered to my cost that increasing a dose just leads to a permanent increase. I want to get off ’em and not on ’em.