Parcels seem to be arriving at The Manor on an almost daily basis.

This is part of the fun of buying everything online. Unfortunately it’s also the reason behind the mounting mountain of flattened cardboard boxes in the garage, but that’s another story.

One of the parcels I received this week was a small one. I had ordered a new lighter for my pipe to add to my collection. It’s an Adorini for those of you who are into detail. Now it’s a lovely lighter. It’s solid and quite heavy as lighters go but has a beautiful feeling of reliability. I tried it out. And therein lies a problem.

I tried it as soon as I took it out of the box. I flipped the top and pressed the plunger. It made a roaring noise but that was it. I tried again and burned myself. It transpired that it seems to have a short and almost invisible flame. If you have ever seen an oxyacetylene torch you’ll know what I’m talking about. Now the problem with this is that if I apply it to the pipe the first thing that happens is that it lights a spot of tobacco and then blows it out of the bowl all over the place. So lighting the pipe is now a risky business. The flame is short, needle sharp and lethal. It will be very handy if I ever have to do any welding.

It was a bit of a disappointment but what the hell, the lighter works so long as I am careful and well clear of anything flammable or explosive. It’ll do.

To cheer myself up I opened another crate.

This was the gas stove I had ordered for use when we get the inevitable power cuts. It’s a two ring with a grill so Herself can even have her toast. It’s a beauty. It even folds up into a sort of suitcase with a handle.

I forced the hose on [which kind of spoils the suitcase property as the hose has to just hang out of the side]. This was going well. All I had to do was attach the regulator that goes on the gas bottle. And herein lay the snag. The regulator fits the bottle perfectly [as it has always done] but its hose connector is too small for the new hose. Bugger!

I phoned the shop this morning and explained my problem. This baffled the lad I was talking to. But all the hoses and connectors are a standard size, he said. Not mine, says I. I could hear him scratching his head. If it helps, I added, I bought the kit over forty years ago. Aha, says he, that could explain things. He offered to send me a new regulator which will fit the new hose and [he assured me] will also screw onto the gas bottle.

So that’s another parcel that should arrive soon.

More fucking cardboard for the garage pile.