Another conspiracy theory
I had to go down to the village this morning.
It was pissing rain so I stuck on my coat and hat and drove down with the wipers going full belt.
I arrived at the village. Every fucking parking space was taken. There wasn’t a single spot, legal or otherwise where I could stick the car. Fuck! The only thing was to keep going until I found a spot.
I should point out that driving out of the village invariably means climbing a hill. So I finally parked at the top of the hill and walked back down to the shops.
I had two places to call into. In both cases I had phoned ahead to order my stuff, as otherwise I would have to hang around while they collected my order. I left the first shop with two large paper bags full of stuff. I then continued to my second port of call where I collected my second order which, by the nature of it had to be carefully carried horizontally. This was getting complicated but I persevered. I managed to balance the horizontal load on one hand and carry both paper bags in the other. I ground my way back up the hill to the car. Every step increased the weight I was carrying. I admit it – I was bollixed by the time I got there. And I swear my baggage’s weight had increased fourfold.
Now here is the thing.
I drove back down to the village and on my way through I counted at least seven parking spots that were vacant right at the shops where I had just been.
This cannot be a coincidence. It has to be some kind of conspiracy? Somehow they know I am about to call down and they gleefully park their cars all over the place. They then watch until I am nearly finished my mission and then drive their cars away again.
Even more astounding, they somehow arranged for the pissing rain to suddenly stop just as I arrived back at the car.
I’d love to know how they do it.
Just because you’re paranoid…
It is a common experience!
Have you driven a country road which routinely has no more than a car or two until the day comes when you are in a hurry and there is half a mile of traffic because they knew you had an appointment and were running late?
Traffic lights on the Stillorgan Road! They were the bane of my life.
Have you checked for any cameras aimed toward the driveway?
I have noticed that if I leave for a dentist appointment (about 22 miles via a country road) with plenty or time to spare it’s clear sailing all the way. But if I’m running a bit late I run into every farm tractor that exists, half of them hauling a manure spreader behind them, road graders, pay loaders plus one old guy doing 25 miles an hour on a 50 mile an hour road.
Are you sure you don’t live in Ireland?
Unless Canada is only a few miles to the north of you folks–I don’t believe so?
There is a theory that this is Hell and unlike the Matrix this is just for you. Everyone else is a virtual person created just to interact with you and then disappear. You are being punished for something you did in a previous life.
I hope I enjoyed whatever it was that I did. Off hand, I can’t think of anything…