I had to go down to the village this morning.

It was pissing rain so I stuck on my coat and hat and drove down with the wipers going full belt.

I arrived at the village. Every fucking parking space was taken. There wasn’t a single spot, legal or otherwise where I could stick the car. Fuck! The only thing was to keep going until I found a spot.

I should point out that driving out of the village invariably means climbing a hill. So I finally parked at the top of the hill and walked back down to the shops.

I had two places to call into. In both cases I had phoned ahead to order my stuff, as otherwise I would have to hang around while they collected my order. I left the first shop with two large paper bags full of stuff. I then continued to my second port of call where I collected my second order which, by the nature of it had to be carefully carried horizontally. This was getting complicated but I persevered. I managed to balance the horizontal load on one hand and carry both paper bags in the other. I ground my way back up the hill to the car. Every step increased the weight I was carrying. I admit it – I was bollixed by the time I got there. And I swear my baggage’s weight had increased fourfold.

Now here is the thing.

I drove back down to the village and on my way through I counted at least seven parking spots that were vacant right at the shops where I had just been.

This cannot be a coincidence. It has to be some kind of conspiracy? Somehow they know I am about to call down and they gleefully park their cars all over the place. They then watch until I am nearly finished my mission and then drive their cars away again.

Even more astounding, they somehow arranged for the pissing rain to suddenly stop just as I arrived back at the car.

I’d love to know how they do it.