Irish Water are at it again.
So after years of near rioting and after the gubmint dropping the concept of water charges, they are bringing in water charges. It’s the old trick – bring in an excess charge for reaching a limit, and then gradually reduce the limit to zero.
The regulator has capped the new charges at €250 each for both water and wastewater usage, meaning a maximum charge of €500 over a 12-month period.
Hang on a minute! Wastewater? Are they proposing meters on our sewers? Or are they going to run our sewage through our fresh water meters as well? Not that I have a meter on either so I don’t know what they are going to do about that. If I do give a shit, they aren’t going to know about it.
The CRU said that up to 10 per cent of metered households were currently using more than the annual permitted allowance.
I never knew we had a fucking “permitted allowance”. Not, you may notice a “suggested allowance” or a “recommended allowance”, but a “permitted allowance”. Do I have to get gubmint permission to do the washing-up? Fuck that.
Unmetered households, which are identified as having excessive use will be charged at the €500 cap unless a meter is installed. These households account for 45 per cent of Irish Water’s 1.6 million residential customers. In such cases, Irish Water will identify district meter areas where there appears to be excess use and dispatch crews to determine households which appeared to be using above normal levels of consumption. They would then have either a meter or flow monitoring device installed.
How the fuck do you determine “excessive use” if there isn’t a meter installed? I can just imagine the scenario –
Boss: Right lads. Today we are going to check Grandad’s village for excessive use of water.
Crew: But how are we supposed to know who is using too much?
Boss: No problem. For a start, check if each villager smells. If they don’t then they are bathing too much. Check for cars that have less than half an inch of dried cow shit on the bodywork, as they obviously wash their cars too often. If that doesn’t result in widespread fines then just peer in the windows to see what the occupants are at.
An Irish Water spokesman said the first letters advising consumers about their consumption levels were expected to be issued before the end of the year.
I can’t wait.
The CRU stressed that the introduction of the charge was “not intended as a revenue raising exercise”.
Hahahahahaha!! No. Of course not. €500 isn’t revenue. Right.
The regulator also pointed out that Irish Water cannot reduce or cut off a customer’s water supply over the non-payment of charges either temporarily or permanently.
So they can all fuck off and drown themselves.
What a pile of steaming shit.