Blowing it out your ass — 19 Comments

  1. We have four cats. Four-indoor-cats. That, at least, eliminates the yowling at the door since they never knew the outside world in the first place. Otherwise, it’s pretty much the same as you describe with a few differences.

    The first one is the senior female who thinks the shredding of flesh is indeed a sign of affection. In fact, she makes sure that she not only sharpens her claws to make sure that sign of affection is duly appreciated, she hones them to a razor finish on the glass of a display case in the living room. One light touch of love as you walk by means losing a pint of blood or so.

    The second is a wee tiny thing, also female, that is totally obsessed with me. She never leaves my side…ever! And she has this amazing ability to increase her weight from a measly 6 pounds during the day to around 20 when she lays on me at night (ugh!). Thankfully, she doesn’t do the flesh shredding thing. Instead, she tends to drool on me.

    She also gave us two kittens that appeared about 6 weeks after my vet declared her “not pregnant”. The first one, a female, mostly bothers the wife when she’s settled down to read a book (she lays on it) and especially when she’s on her computer playing a game (she lays on the keyboard, her shoulders, her arm, etc. She also weighs about 11 pounds so she’s not exactly a light weight.

    And last but not least is her brother. A 17 pound beast of a picture perfect “snowshoe” Siamese who’s main goal in life is to cause as much damage as possible. Not because he’s mean and nasty at all, just the opposite in fact. He’s happy (all the time) and affectionate but he is, in fact, a complete goofball. He excels at it as a matter of fact. Plus he’s smart which makes it worse but, worst of all, he’s a “guy” pure and simple. You know the type I’m sure. Full of good intentions but not someone you’d place in charge of, well, anything. They’d just make a shambles of it. He also excels at laying in front of the wood stove.

    Oh yeah, there’s yowling. Yowling about everything they did. “I pooped, I peed, I puked a bit and you’ll never guess where, I found my play toy, I lost my play toy, I hear a mouse, I saw a bird”…yowl , yowl, yowl.

    Be glad you have just the one and that he loves you so much. Goodness knows what he’d do if he didn’t.

    • Our one is also attracted to keyboards for some reason. Usually he/she waits until Herself is on her laptop before taking a stroll. I then get it in the neck for laughing.

      Another irritating habit Cat has is to hide somewhere until I am walking past. At that point Cat dashes out across my path which leads to an inevitable drop of foot-meets-cat. I get accused of kicking the cat then even if it is the cat’s own damned fault.

      And I have given Cat no cause to love me whatsoever. I just wish he/she/it would leave me alone.

  2. I love cats and dogs but mostly cats. Here in my living room I have a framed collage of the four Australian Shepherds I use to live with. I love all four of them. While on the phone with my friend Maggie I complained about not having any pictures of our cats, Kashi and Klipper. I love them too.

    • Have you not thought of photographing them? Everyone seems to have a camera these days.

  3. Try a high pitched whistle, a long continuous note.
    With your mouth n lips.
    Lauren Bacall can teach you.
    Drives most cats crazy.

    • I might try that, though I find that a sudden loud hissing sound works just as well. Less chance too of dentures flying across the room……

  4. Would an obedience collar, as used to train dogs, work? The mild electric shock they produce, remotely-controlled by you every time it yowls, should soon form an association in even the densest cat’s mind.

  5. Grandad, Your description of what the cat did on your lap had me laughing like a drain. What a tonic

  6. Consider yourself lucky! One of my cats nearly killed me. Quick version: I got up to go to the loo about 5.30am, must have startled the cat who jumped off the bed, I didn’t see him. Next thing I know I had literally hit a brick wall at the corner which is steel reinforced for the extension. The amount of blood was unbelievable and thanks to my neighbour, a retired nurse, I spent 6 hours in casualty got 17 staples and what saved me was that I didn’t lose consciousness though no one knew why given the extent of the injury. Apart from a dent in my head I am ok now. Still it was amusing telling the ambulance chaser who phoned he would have to sue my cat! He hung up!

  7. You may want to take her to the vet as excessive yowling can be a sign of hyperthyroidism, although at ~£50 a month for medication or ~£300 for a thyroidectomy, you may not.

      • The reason I know how much it costs is because we have six cats four of whom suffer from hyperthyroidism, two have had the operation and the other two are due to have it next week. Three of them have kidney problems so need a renal diet and one has arthritis and needs daily pain relief medication. All of our cats were abandoned or unwanted when we took them in and had them neutered and chipped, as they are all pretty old now our annual vet bills average between £3000 – £4000.

        • I feel for you – know how it is, though with me it only was one cat that suffered from hyperthyroidism with the usual combination of kidney problems. She was with me from the third day of her life to her old age of 21 years. Miss her still, vet bills notwithstanding. 😉

  8. What is the reason for having a cat ? I wondered this in my childhood and now, in my sixties, I still don’t get it.

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