We installed a full kitchen about seventeen or eighteen years ago.
It was the full works – cupboards, sink, fridge, freezer, oven, hob and extractor fan. It was fucking expensive, but it was worth it. The only thing I would have done with hindsight is maybe a different colour worktop which is black granite and therefore if I put anything black on it, it disappears. I am forever hunting for the measuring scoop for the coffee machine only to find it’ right in front of me, but semi-invisible.
The other day a problem occurred. One of the taps broke.
After lengthy searches on the Interweb I discovered two things. The first is that I apparently have a “quarter turn mixer” tap yoke, and the second was that said taps are really fucking expensive. I’d be looking at in excess of a hundred yoyos. Fuck that.
The problem was that the hot tap seemed to have lost its connection with the works, like a slipping clutch. I would turn on the tap and the water would come out all right but the tap would have turned too far. Pushing the lever back half turned off the water but the handle swivelled too far again. Eventually it just stopped doing anything which was unfortunate as it gave up the ghost while the hot water was still running.
There was a bolt on the side of the tap. I decided to remove it. It was a struggle but eventually it came out. Well, strictly speaking it came off as the head had twisted off the bolt. Fuck!
I removed the handle to discover a splined rod. Using a pliers I twisted it. At least the water stopped flowing and half scalding me.
I then realised that I couldn’t go any further as the next piece which needed removing was corroded into a solid furry lump. Fuck!
It then crossed my mind that the splined rod had turned off the tap correctly so why was the lever not working? It had a splined hole that should fit onto the rod securely but it didn’t. Further examination revealed that some bright fucking spark had decided that there should be a bit of plastic sandwiched between the splined rod and the splined handle. Genius! Insert a piece of plastic in case the metal is too soft?
I wrapped a bit of sellotape around the rod and forced the plastic back into place. I then wrapped sellotape around the plastic and forced the lever back on.
It works perfectly now. Solid as a rock. Hot water or no hot water on a whim and the flick of a lever.
All I have to do now is super-glue the remains of the bolt in place to it matches the look of the one on the other side.
I’m a perfectionist.