Living outside the box
It has been a great few days for research.
First there was a the research that stated that there was no safe level of drinking, that I briefly mentioned a couple of days ago.
Incidentally, Il Papa in one of his long lectures or speeches or whatever you want to call ’em, made reference to the miracle of turning water into wine. “Imagine if that hadn’t happened” said he. “It would have been a very dull wedding” which is true. So apparently the Church of Rome is at odds with the Church of Health?
That was followed up by another that hangovers are worse than we ever thought. Yup, even after the old headache and nauseous stomach have gone we are still a danger to society. I can’t decide whether that’s third hand alcohol or second hand hangover but that’s by the by. Leastwise I can see that little dribble of drivel cropping up again in the future in a bid to stop us all drinking.
This was followed up with a piece on Cheddar cheese. It seems that some time ago the poor innocents out there were told that Cheddar cheese was very bad for them as it raises cholesterol or something. Now new research has proved just how wrong that bit of old research was. It all lends weight to my little theory that if we wait long enough they will finally come to the same conclusion that many of us already know – that smoking actually has benefits and that second hand smoke is totally harmless.
Another piece of so called research has come up with the notion that our sleep habits can threaten longevity or some such nonsense. If we sleep more than eight hours a night then we risk all sorts of heart problems, which means presumably that all teenagers are fucked? The same applies to people who sleep less than six hours which is great news to pile on top of poor insomniacs?
What do they propose people do with this bit of nonsense? How do they propose that the Healthists will control their sleep? It’s not like cutting back on alcohol or skipping the odd burger or five, as sleep is sleep. If you can’t do it then you’ll have to rely on Dr Pharma, and if you like a long sleep you’ll have to set an alarm? Both have potential problems that are likely to be worse than the remote chance of a stroke in later life?
I think that last piece indicates beautifully the problem with these pieces of “research”, namely that we are all different and we are all individual. Some people can thrive on six hours or less of sleep a night while others are happy to have a daily lie in. They have taken results from a huge number of people, massed them all into one set of figures and then assume that those figures apply to everyone. One size fits all. Anyone who has ever bought a pair of shoes knows that that is a load of bollox.
One fact cheers me though. I have never been included in any of their surveys, studies or research so I therefore know that I at least am exempt from all their doom laden prophecies.
I’m waiting for research on crossing the road. Nearly all accidents involving pedestrians are because they are on the road. I think crossing the road should be taxed, if not banned altogether.And what about getting out of bed? How many domestic accidents could be prevented if people did not get out of bed? Shouldn’t there be an education campaign on the importance of refraining from getting out of bed?
No, no, no, no, no! You’re getting it all wrong! Most people die in bed, so there should be a ban on beds! There’s no safe level of lying in bed!
Or going to the doctor, for that matter. How many people do you know who have died soon after contact with a doctor?
Rather than taxing crossing the road, I’d much prefer to see coin-meters installed at pedestrian-controlled crossings – a small fee, maybe 10p, but it would make folk think twice before they stop the flow of all the traffic which has paid heavily for the privilege of using the road.
But, first, you would have to have a piece of research on the detrimental effects of carrying change in your pocket.
Already solved – contactless card or pay with your smartphone. Next problem . . . .
what if my phone was hacked in order to cross the road. ,when I had no intention of doing so.
No-one’s forcing you to cross the road, you just lose 10p.
I’m already living proof that serving on-board Naval submarines is hazardous to your health (no, not radiation) but what that actually means in the long run is beyond me. Besides, that’s the only thing I could come up with.
Brings to mind the story of the US Air Force undertaking many thousands of pilot-body measurements in order to design the perfect pilot-seat for their fighter aircraft. Turned out that the ‘average’ did not fit a single pilot, they were all uncomfortable in some way, but on average it was perfect.
I quit drinking almost nine years ago. It hasn’t kept me from getting old. Though I’m probably ageing because I smoke. I tripped and fell over a board the other week. Put a big gash on my ankle and my feet swelled up like balloons but that’s probably because I smoke. When I fell I landed on my left knee fairly hard. It ached for a few days but that’s because I smoke.Most of the past three generations of my family, on both sides, have lived into their eighties. I’ll probably die in my eighties because I smoke.I drive like a madman. I own a little sports car that allows me to drive like I do but if I die in my car it will be because I smoke.I probably live a shitty little existance because I smoke. I am publicly ostrasized because I smoke.Fuck ’em. I’ll smoke all I damn please.
Ho hum. Doncha just luuuurve these studies? Why are they so concerned with the amount of hours’ sleep we do or don’t get every day? And they never seem to take into account those of us who seem to need about “the average” amount of sleep per night (7-8 hours), but whose body clock simply doesn’t match other people’s. People, in case you haven’t guessed, like me, who function around 4 hours behind “the average” in respect of pretty much everything – meal times, sleep times, waking times, alert times, not-so alert times … Which is why I’m up now, with work tomorrow, writing comments on blogs at stupid o’clock. I’ll pay for it tomorrow, no doubt. It’s all very tiring [yawn!] – oh of course, as Brian points out above THAT’s all down to the fact that I smoke …..
I have posted this before – but it still makes me smile. Garrison Keillor on the last cigarette smokers in America.http://www.garrisonkeillor.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/9780140131567_WeAreStillMarried_End-of-Trail.pdf
Thanks for link, Ian, I really enjoyed it.
I always get tickled when I read these studies. First, what is the intended actual outcome if the government(s) and their agencies are successful in modifying human behaviors? Will we all live to be 120? If so, what does that do to pensions/retirement accounts, set retirement dates, health insurance costs? Let alone, the increased demands on resources because of the longevity of the population. We’re already told that man’s presence has done untold damage to the planet and we’re all doomed, anyway. Seems to me that in the end we all die.