My own little black hole
I was sitting here this morning when I realised my mobile phone needed charging.
It’s a useless yoke in that respect – the damned thing always needs charging.
It was no bother. I happened to have a connection lead where I could plug it into my laptop, to save me rooting around for the proper charger. The lead was very short but there was plenty of room on the small table for both phone and laptop.
Shortly after, I must have nudged the table or something, because there was a crash as the phone fell off the table, came to the end of the cable, unplugged itself and fell to the floor with the aforementioned crash. No big deal [as the modern yoof say]. All I had to do was pick it up and plug it back in, but a little further from the edge of the table. It has happened dozens of times before.
I peered over the side of the armchair but I couldn’t see the phone. Bugger! That meant I had to get out of my comfy chair.
I searched under said chair in case it had slid on the wood floor. Nothing. I moved a little chest of drawers in case it was under that. Nada. I got out the flashlight even though it’s full daylight. Not a sign of the damned thing.
I decided to shift the little table, the armchair and the little chest just to make sure. It had to be there somewhere, but it wasn’t. All I achieved was a pulled back muscle.
Of course the smart arses amongst you will suggest I try calling the phone from the landline. I am way ahead of you. I dialled the number. Silence. I know the mobile was switched on, and anyway if the battery had fallen out then my attempt to ring would have gone straight into the voice message thingy. Bit it didn’t. I dialled the number a couple of times. Each time there was a long silence before I would hear my own dulcet tones asking me to leave a message. So not only was my landline not making the ringing noise but my fucking mobile was mute as well.
I have removed all the furniture away from the spot. I have even taken a pain killer for my back. I have searched everywhere but there is no sign whatsoever of the phone. I though for a moment that maybe I had just imagined having a phone in the first place, but there was the wee charging wire hanging forlornly and empty out of my laptop.
I have searched everywhere within a five foot radius of Ground Zero but there is no phone. It has vanished off the face of the planet. It can’t have fallen through the floor as that is solid oak. The only reasonable and rational explanation is that there is a little black hole down there amongst the fluff, and the phone had fallen into it and is now in another dimension somewhere.
So if any of you suddenly discover a mobile phone materialising out of thin ether, could I have it back please?
It would be nice if you could charge it first as well.
Cat has it.
I thought of that, but the cat was in the garden [still is and it’s freezing out there 😈 ] and the dog was asleep on the couch, as usual.
Do not try and find the phone. That’s impossible. Instead only try to realize the truth: There is no phone. Then you’ll see that it is not the phone that vanishes, it is only yourself.
Stop trying to confuse me.
I have just checked the bathroom. It isn’t there either.
The garage is next….
If you can smell freshly baked biscuits then the chances are its in the kitchen.
I’m with Bill on this one. The cat is gaslighting you.
Narcissistic cat? Gaslighting IS a feature usually honed to perfection by narcissists, isn’t it?
But I think I go along with BD – it’s not the phone that’s vanished, it must be you. How do you like it there, whereever “there” is? Is the parallel universe you’re in showing any more differences to the one you were in before apart from the missing phone?
😉
I only recently learned the term “gaslighting” but in a different context. If the cat is indeed gaslighting me then he/she/it has learned to walk through walls, which is slightly more worrying.
I don’t suppose the shade of Robert A. Heinlein has paid you a visit?
24 hours later, you’ll find the phone on the floor. It’s a technique inanimate objects have to make you think you’re losing your marbles. Don’t let them win!
99.99% of lost stuff in this place either ends up in the kitchen drawers or Herself’s canvass bag. I’ll probably wait until tomorrow by which time it will have arrived in one or the other……
It doesn’t matter, I wasn’t intending phoning you.
The phone has been kidnapped by the gang of missing socks that disappear in the clothes dryer.
Might it have rebounded off the floor and lodged itself up underneath the armchair or chest of drawers?
Or perhaps you haven’t been leaving enough whiskey out for the little people and they’ve spirited it away.
I feel your pain. I do not like my cheap and nasty “smart” phone that uses Android. And like yourself find it drains the battery far too rapidly.
Yet I wouldn’t like to lose it, certainly not the way you seem to have managed.
And there will be all the people who have called since the event and will be concerned. They will, they really will. Especially those who think they’ll inherit.
So you’ll have to call them back once the phone’s been returned.
Previously mobiles were a bit of a bother for thieves because they had their own charger. Now – courtesy of an EU directive – they must all use a USB connector. They’re very inexpensive and easy to add to any stolen phone.
That’s part of the reason why there are so many “moped” thieves zipping around nicking them off people who have them on display.
One problem the fuzz have faced is they’re not allowed to stop the moped for fear of damaging the rider. And the motorcycles they use (large, heavy, wide) are not suited for high speeds in tight built up areas.
At long last the London lot have taken a leaf out of the Mexican Police playbook and got themselves some very nimble dual purpose BMW’s, so if moped man goes off road, or in pedestrian footpaths, they can follow.
http://www.islingtongazette.co.uk/news/crime-court/50-phone-snatches-a-week-by-moped-riders-in-islington-police-warn-as-new-op-launches-at-angel-tube-1-4565265
You did mention some time back that you have experienced some very odd phenomenon in your property, so it’s possible some presence simply wants to borrow your phone. Quite what use it’ll be to said poltergeist is immaterial.
It’ll doubtless turn up in due course and hopefully his ether will have sorted that charging problem.
Oh and the wee person may just have a bit of fun with you by having it ring in the attic!
Welcome to the Matrix, in a short while everything else will dissapear, and leave just you, and your phone behind.
I found it this morning!
It was a few feet away from where it fell and was under a mat under a recliner chair. That chair is damned heavy and sits on a mat to stop it from damaging the floor, so how the phone ended up under the mat under the chair shall remain a mystery. Maybe any or all of the above theories are correct? I think we can eliminate the cat or the dog though, as neither would be capable of lifting that chair.
I was going to suggest that the phone swung on it’s USB cable and ended up under or in the guts of the recliner but, since you already found it, I won’t bother.
Ed P was closest. It was the house elf, you have been neglecting it and not showing enough respest. Aplogize and ask for the item to be returned. When it re-appears don’t forget to say thank you.
Welcome Dave! Nah! The cat caught the house elf a few weeks ago. I wouldn’t have minded, but he left the corpse on my chair. My chair is sacred.