Mercury rising — 6 Comments

  1. In the UK it only has to go over 12C two days running and the Daily Xenophobe wil SCREAM “THIS UNBEARABLE HEATWAVE, weathermen say hottest *insert month* since 495BC. May says ‘better after Brexit'” and the Fem(nazi-)Mail supplement will offer pages of  helpful advice on how to keep pets hydrated with iced lemon tea or kombucha. If it goes over 12C for 3 whole days then the train tracks warp and there are calls for the government to do something to stop all those nasty foreign johnnies coming over here with their families and their funny foreign weather.

    More particularly here in Norfolk, they still speak in hushed tones about the HORROR of July 1977 when it didn’t rain for a [i]whole fortnight[/i], the death toll was immense (greater even than that of bar workers before the smoking ban came in). The Army had to come out and install bowsers on every street corner and the smugglers swapped over from ferrying in cocaine and started loading up with bottles of Evian.

    They do say more than one girl was persauded to part with her virginity for a glass of Perrier as the temperature SOARED to 19C some days.


    • Hah!  Same here.

      Day 1.  Sun shining. People still wearing thermal underwear and heavy overcoats.  “It won’t last”.

      Day 2.  Sun still shining.  People now wearing next to nothing.  “Where can I buy Factor 100 Cream?”

      Day 3.  Offices close as all staff have thrown a sickie and gone to Brittas Bay.  “How many hours have we been stuck on the motorway?”

      Day 4.  Incessant complaints about the heat.  Farmers claiming vast subsidies for lost crops. Temperatures highest since 2016.

      Day 5.  Rain.  “Another fucking miserable summer”.

    • Back in 1999 there was a heatwave on Patrick’s Day.  I remember trawling the shops looking for charcoal and every single shop was either sold out, or they had failed to order in supplies that early in the year.

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