There is going to be a heatwave starting next week and it’s going to last all summer.
How do I know this, you ask?
Well, it’s quite simple.
Our heating has gone through various morphs, changes and reincarnations. It started off as a very inefficient kitchen range that was fueled with anthracite. After a few decades it was converted to oil. The only problem was that it heated the oven, and at a pinch the hot water supply, but when it came to running even one radiator it was completely inadequate. It had to go.
So we installed radiators all over the kip and moved in a weird yoke that looked like a log burner but was in fact fired by oil, with enough heating capacity to fire up the radiators. One has to remember that in a life dedicated to thwarting those tree huggers, one has to be careful in one’s choice of fuel.
Unfortunately it wasn’t that much of a success. It drank oil like a politician in the Dáil bar, which was fine as a fuck off to the tree huggers but didn’t really heat the house. Like the politician, it didn’t live up to its promises.
Then a rat chewed through one of the underfloor pipes.
So I got my plumber pal out and he replaced the chewed pipe. While he was there I asked him about doing something about the heater that wasn’t. He suggested a proper boiler.
A lovely boiler was duly installed out in the garage, and for the first time we not only had hot radiators, but I could time the yoke to go on and off whenever I wanted. It was also considerably less thirsty.
But there was a problem.
The long room where we normally live had a radiator at one end and the old oil burner at the other which heated the room nicely. But now the burner was redundant [though it still looks quite neat] and the one radiator wasn’t up to the job [a bit like the politician].
Yesterday, after weeks of phonecalls, my plumber friend turned up and we discussed this wee problem. The long and the short of it is that he is going to install a new radiator next week. And having lashed out wads of cash to improve our heating system, I know for a fact that there is going to be a heatwave and we won’t need the heating anyway.
It’s a law that never fails. Buy sunglasses? Say goodbye to sunshine. Buy a raincoat? Prepare for a drought.
So an improved heating system will guarantee a grand hot spell.
You have been warned.