I used to hate Halloween.
In particular I hated the mindless and constant banging of bangers. As fireworks go, they are the least impressive. They go bang and that’s that. Big fucking deal.
In the past I had a particular hatred for bangers as our Sandy [a Rough Collie] was terrified by them. If one went off even miles away she would tear into a cupboard and sit quivering in the corner, so I would have to sit with her for the week preceding Halloween. Fortunately Penny doesn’t give a shit about them and would probably stay sleeping if I shoved a banger up her arse [not that I would dream of doing such a thing].
But then I had a change of heart.
It’s all about perspective. Bangers may have irritated me in the past but now I say bring ’em on.
You see, bangers, fireworks and even bonfires are illegal in this country. Yet another little series of Nanny State laws to protect the cheeeldren from themselves, and the only fireworks allowed are those that are strictly controlled and confined to carefully orchestrated displays. Can’t let the wee kiddies get harmed, can we?
I now look on bonfires, fireworks and even bangers as a nice little rebellion against Nanny. They are a very public and very visible gesture of two fingers to those who suppose they know better. Every bang is another Fuck You. Every rocket celebrates another moment of anarchy.
When I was a kid I used to mess around with fireworks. Before long I graduated to making my own, which got bigger and bigger. Next came the pipe bombs which were spectacular, and at one stage caused a security alert after one of my pipe bombs went off in a culvert, that caused the police and army to come and investigate. I toned things down a bit after that, but I never got hurt because I took precautions. I made damn sure I was far enough away when the damn thing went off. I learned a lot so it was just a bit of further education.
Of course we are going to hear about some kid who lost a finger or two. We are going to hear about someone who got badly burned. We are going to hear all about the isolated instances where some kid was daft enough to do something really stupid and got hurt as a result.
So let the rebellion continue. Bring on the rockets, the bangers and the earthquake bombs. Each one is an act of defiance and a Fuck You to Nanny.
And as for Elf and Safety – we have to give Darwin a chance?