II am delighted to announce that I have received another epistle.
Our good friend Supershadow has taken time from his busy schedule and has written again.
Now I know some of you may not take SS too seriously and I ashamed to say that I have detected a snigger or two in the comments to previous posts, but this latest message carries a serious and grave warning of impending trouble. I am passing it on with all the gravitas it deserves.
Good evening grandad.
The Instersteller Tolerance day is a day submitted by the jedi for recognition by the United nations.
John wilkonson is an IT engineer and a very good friend of mine and a tireless campaigner to have jedi recognised as a world religion. He was one of the founding members of Morm-Jordil and one of the few high profile jedi's from your side of the world. This is a 2010 interview with my good friend before he moved over here.
But recently things have fallen apart for john- guilt that he may have sealed the fate of humaity. That same year John (JEDI name Umada) in an attempt to balance the force outside the domain of the earthly and human controlled, made contact with the off-world mirader. HE tapped in to the low frequency tri-state logic of the mirader by building a giant transAmplifier in the arizona desert. The mirader communicate and sound very similar to whales.
After 3 days of transmission the mirader responded. Within a month of analysing the response – mirader operates tri state logic -TRUE,FALSE AND TRULSE (TRULSE is everything that is not true or false-ie a 4th dimension).
– Mirader in their despair at not finding their Creater after trillions of years want annihilation – of themselves and us.
– Theres is evidence since then that Mirader have ships on the moon ready for invasion
– Since Umada's first contact there have been strange moanings coming from the skies recorded from all over the world – widely believed to be the sound of the miraders anger at not finding there creater..
This is my advice to you grandad
1. Be prepared- Get as much stored tin food as possible (Protein)
2. Don't be tempted to defect to the miraders side you have nothing to offer them
3. Get rid of all phones or anything that can transmit Start buying the groceries. DONT raise the suspicion of the mall cops. Dont let them know that you know
4. Live green – give up smoking and drinking and no matter what happens grandad do not attempt to film or photograph anything, its unlikely you will have no blog to post them to in the aftermath.
5. Remember it's the guy running down the middle of the lane screaming that makes you an easy target. If you have neighbours like that then I suggest you move further in to mountains
6. There will be a lot of dangerous people in the aftermath. Keep a no nonsense demeanour and get a gun.
7. The Jedi are assuming the mirader have weaknesses and we will try to use their technology against them in the aftermath of the invasion. It will likely take all of the talents of the technically knowledgeable. Even a television engineer like yourself.
I admit on this occasion that this post could make me look somewhat foolish if the above fails to materialise grandad. If I am writing to you in the next 3 months then it looks like mirader has passed us by as an afterthought.
I must start by saying that I am surprised at you and your friend John, Supershadow. How many times have I told you not to fuck with the Mirader? They are not nice and certainly aren't the kind I would class as good drinking companions. You have really gone and fucking done it now, between the pair of you, though I notice you are trying to shift all the blame on him? Not very Jedi-ish?
I too have heard those moaning noises. Indeed, I heard them only last night as I was coming home from the pub [though in retrospect it could have been Spanner and the butcher’s wife behind the red barn].
Anyhows I thank you for your great survival tips and will pass them on to all my readers, who in this time of crisis I hope will be a little less frivolous in their responses. I will endeavour to follow your seven points as closely as possible but I do have some queries and observations….
1. Will any tins do? I have half a dozen tins of French Onion Soup that are about four years past their sell-by. Will they suffice?
2. Are you calling me a traitor? Shame!
3. No chance. I have only just got my new phone and I'm not binning it now. I'll keep the volume down though and that should work? Mall cops? We don't have them here in Ireland.
4. Now you are really taking the fucking piss. Give up the drink and the smokes? There are limits to how far I will go to save the world, and that's way beyond the limit. As for photos – I don't go in for all this "selfie" shite nor do I believe in subjecting the world to every scene I shoot so we're safe on that score.
5. Holy fuck but I'm impressed! You really do know my neighbours! I'm not moving though.
6. There are a lot of dangerous people now which is why I always have a no nonsense demeanour and always carry a gun.
7. I'm flattered. Indeed I hope my expertise could be of some use, but I have to point out that I am retired from work now. I could stretch a point though but I will have to charge – is €1,000 an hour OK with you? It's really very little when the future of humanity is at stake? Oh, and could you make it cash? I'll be damned if I'll pay tax on it.
So I thank you for your warnings and advice. I shall take it all to heart and so, I am sure, shall my readers.
As for you looking foolish?