A message from the road — 109 Comments

  1. OK folks, he's gone.  Now it's our time.  Anyone have a topic they want to talk about?  Let

    s see if we can hit 100 comments before he returns.

  2. and this is Number 2.

    OK Brianf ;  if the Republicans recapture the White House when Obama retires will they attack Iran or Pakistan or both?

    Alternatively, if politics isn't your forte, which national team will win the World Cup?

    • Ger,  It all depends on who the rebooblicans put up for President.  If it's someone like Gov. Christie of New Jersey then we'll just continue our slide into socialism but if they stand someone like Ted Cruz then we'll be back on the road to democracy and fairness.  The demoncrats will stand someone from the far left so the rebooblicans kinda' will just walk away with the election.

  3. number 3

    Should we move into the manor and claim squatters rights?

    It sounds like an idyllic place to live.

  4. Ger,


    If the Republicans recapture the White House when Obama retires they could attack just about any Country with natural resources.

    As regards the World Cup, that is a much harder question. Brazil has home advantage, Argentina is the best attacking side, the Krauts can never be ignored and Spain on paper are world beaters. Belgium and England are an outside bet for the last four too.

    My guess therefore would be Iran for invasion and Brazil for victory …………..

  5. Obama will be replace by another dimocrat who will think, and I use the term loosely, just like him. At this point about all we can do is sell popcorn, sit back, and watch the country implode. 

    Invasions we still do pretty well, the problems start when try to "rebuild" the country afterwards. That has not worked since World War II and I am not sure it worked all that well then. Hopefully in the next war we simple destroy the bastards and then walk away. 

    As for football I don't think the Panthers will have much of year, but I hope the Steelers can get it together. Oh you are talking about the soccer thing. Brazil has a sure fired plan to win. They will fill the stands with Carnival dancers. There opponents will never be able to keep their eyes on the ball. 

  6. @Brianf

    ​I don't understand by a "slide into socialism" in reference to the general policies of the Obama administration. I know Obama just about got a reform of medicare laws passed which bring a few million extra Americans into the welfare net, but leave millions of other low-income families minus essential medical services. Why does American middle class society hate its dirt poor, several millions of them?

    As for the World Cup, John Mallon lists Brazil, Argentina and the Krauts and I agree they are likely to feature in the last 8. Brazil has past wins and home side status in its favour, but remember that it was humiliated at home in the 1950s. The sex workers of Sao Paolo and Rio should win something I guess. I'm in favour of consolation prizes. But not for Pakistan, which is far more dangerous than Iran or the sex workers of Brazil.

    • Hi Ger

      Would love to see Pakistan in the Finals. Kick off at 3pm, 3.15 they have to kneel down and stick their arse in the air  to their sky fairy……. 63.nil. sorted

  7. @Brianf

    ​I don't understand what is meant by a "slide into socialism" in reference to the general policies of the Obama administration. I know Obama just about got a reform of medicare laws passed which bring a few million extra Americans into the welfare net, but leave millions of other low-income families minus essential medical services. Why does American middle class society hate its dirt poor, several millions of them?

    As for the World Cup, John Mallon lists Brazil, Argentina and the Krauts and I agree they are likely to feature in the last 8. Brazil has past wins and home side status in its favour, but remember that it was humiliated at home in the 1950s. The sex workers of Sao Paolo and Rio should win something I guess. I'm in favour of consolation prizes. But not for Pakistan, which is far more dangerous than Iran or the sex workers of Brazil.

    • @Ger  Obama (One Big Ass Mistake America) is a socalist and has stated many times that his plan is for a single payer health system similar to Ireland's HSE and England's National Health System.

      AS to soccer, noone could give two shits about that silly, boring game around here.  Now Baseball, that's important.  Go Phillies!

      • Phillies?    Do you mean Fillies, as in horses or young nubile ladies.   Me, I prefer the latter; more reliable to pass the 'finishing post'.

  8. Changing the subject, I can't understand how it is going to take GD 4 hours to get from Co Wicklow to the SW of Ireland using the motorways.  I haven't been to Ireland for quite some time, the only motorway in existence then was what is now the M9 from Dublin to Waterford and even that petered out around Carlow.  Could it be that the motorways still don't go anywhere near the South West?

      • Are you Melicans going to shoot that dufus who's been a guest of the Taliban for the last little while?

  9. Sean
    Cork-Dublin is now about 2 hrs 30 minutes – motorway all the way. Assuming a Bray starting Google maps does say 4 hrs and 7 minutes to Schull (without bladder stop) using M50, M7, M8 and the the joy of West Cork roads.
    The last hour and half require driving. The first 2.5 hours just require staying awake


  10. So what about this smoking lark?  How many believe like Grandad does that it is not responsible for all the horrible things the main stream media claims it is.  I personally believe that smoking is an aggravating factor but not the sole reason for things like lung cancer.  People like myself have a genetic propensity for cancer.  I have had prostate cancer and it was cut out so no more cancer but I fully expect to have cancer return somewhere else in my body.  Both of my parents died of some form of cancer as did my Grandfather on my mothers side.  I smoke about a half a pack a day and am cutting down by using an e-cigarette.  Eventually I'll get to the point that I am only smoking the e-cig then I can reduce the amount of nicotine until I get to zero.  Though I am in the process of quitting I shall never agree with the draconian anti-smoking laws nor will I abide by them.

    • Not sure about the link between smoking and cancer, I'm sure it doesn't do you any good though.  My father had chronic bronchitis and emphysema in his later years probably brought on by years of smoking Balkan Sobranie!!  He probably should have known better.

      Anyway, enough of this football talk.  The real question is who will win Wimbledon this year, can Murray do a repeat (probably not) and why are the veteran's matches so much more entertaining?

  11. Any Paddy the Englishman, Paddy the Scotsman, Paddy the Irishman stories? We're 75 short of the goal of 100 posts.

  12. Four old retired blokes are walking down a street in Dublin. They turn a corner and see a sign that says, "Old Timers Bar – ALL drinks 10 Euro cents." 

    They look at each other and then go in, thinking, this is too good to be true.

    The barman says in a voice that carries across the room, "Come on in and let me pour one for you! What'll it be, gentlemen?"

    There's a fully stocked bar, so each of the men orders a whiskey. In no time the bartender serves up four whiskeys and says, "That'll be 10 Euro cents each, please."

    The four guys stare at the bartender for a moment, then at each other. They can't believe their good luck.. They pay the 40 Euro cents, finish their whiskeys, and order another round.

    Again, four excellent whiskeys are produced, with the bartender again saying, "That's 40 cents, please." They pay the 40 cents, but their curiosity gets the better of them.

    Finally one of them asks the barman, "How can you afford to serve whiskeys as good as these for ten cents a drink?"

     He replied, "Last year I hit the Lottery jackpot for €125 million and decided to open this place. Every drink costs ten cents. Wine, liquor, beer – it's all the same."

    "Wow! That's some story!" one of the men says.

    As the four of them sip at their drinks, they can't help noticing an old guy at the end of the bar who didn't have a drink and hadn't ordered anything the whole time they had been there.

    Nodding at the fellow at the end of the bar, one of the men asks the bartender, "What's up with him?"

    The bartender says, "That's Irish Grandad who is waiting for the happy hour when the drinks are half price!”

  13. Three Gentlemen walk into a bar and take seats at the bar.  One of the men is from Dallas, Texas the other is from New York City and the third is from Harrisburg, Pennsylvania.

    They sit and chat for awhile while enjoying their favorite adult beverage. 

    After having a few the man from Texas throws his bottle of Lone Star beer in the air, draws his pistol, covers the bottle in mid air and shoots it.  He turns to the others and says, "I'm from Texas and everything is bigger and better in Texas and we have lots of Lone Star beer there".

    Well, not to be out done the gentleman from New York takes a sip of his French wine and throws the bottle in the air, draws his pistol, covers the wine bottle as it ascends and shoots it.  He turns to the others and says," I'm from New York City and we have the first and best of everything the world has to offer.  We have the best wine from all over the world.  We have the greatest art scene in all the world. The best schools.  The best museums.  The best arts and culture in all the world over and we have plenty of French wine.

    Well the gentleman from Pennsylvania finishes the last gulp of his Yuengling Chesterfield Ale and throws it in the air.  He draws his pistol.  Shoots the guy from New York and catches the bottle as it comes down.  He turns to the guy from Texas shows him the bottle and says," Where I come from we recycle these and we have way too many vacationing New Yorkers.

  14. Was in Schull today and can report that Grandad's concerns about the weather misplaced – it was blazin! Anyway, there we were gazing over the harbour when I spotted the wisps of smoke wafting over the treetops. The old git is polluting the damn place with all his puffing!

    I have the evidence…


  15. Number 29.  Paddy the Irishman, Paddy the Englishman and Paddy the Scotsman enter a pub in Glasgow at the end of next September, when the Scots have voted Yes in the independence referendum.

    Paddy the Irishman will say: "Drinks for us all, and I'll pay for the round with Euro."

    Paddy the Englishman will say: "No, I'll pay for the round with Sterling, payable at the Bank of England."

    Paddy the Scotsman says: "Don't take any funny money from them buggers, Jamie. I'll pay for five rounds with South Pacific clamshells. I've just opened an offshore account in Fiji."

    • Bill,I was ranting to myself  about this(aloud apparently) until my much better half came out and asked me who I was talking to,so I decided to say silent and inwardly seethe.

      Interesting though, the similarities between here and  U.S are uncannily alike.One might almost think that the same agenda is in play-if one was paranoid.

      The fact that 95% of both areas are incapable or too lazy to think for themselves is also coincidental.


  16. Brianf, Bill and Jin C had made a tour of Europe.   They had visited all the capitals, Paris, Madrid, Rome, London etc and, finally, Dublin.   Their last night was one of reminiscences as they sat in a Irish restaurant and ate their last meal before returning to the US of A.

    Brianf asked Bill , "What is your memory of the holiday ?"

    Bill thought for a while and suddenly said, "The number of Jews that we have seen.   The group in Paris on the way to the synagogue to pray, all wearing those little hats".

    "Yes", replied Jim C, "Don't forget those ultra religious Jews that we saw in London".

    "And at Madrid", said Brianf, "Hey, I wonder if there are any Jews in Ireland"

    Jin C replies, "I don't know, let's ask our waiter."    
    When the waiter arrives, Jim C asks, "Are there any Irish Jews?"

    The waiter says, "Begorra, I don't know, sor, I ask the cook.

    "He returns from the kitchen after a few minutes and says,

    "No sor, the cook say no Irish Jews."

    Brianf isn't satisfied and asks, "Are you absolutely sure?"

    The waiter, realizing he is dealing with "Stupid Yanks" replies, "I check once again, sor," and goes back into the kitchen.

    While the waiter is away, Bill says, "I find it hard to believe that there are no Jews in Ireland …. our people are scattered everywhere."

    The waiter returns and says, "Sor, the head cook Michael, he say there is no Irish Jews.   Never has been."

    "Are you certain?" Bill asks. "I just can't believe there are no Irish Jews!"

    "Sor, I asked EVERYONE," replies the exasperated waiter.  "Just a minute we will ask the old Grandad over there.   He know everything (He is a know-all)"

    Grandad replied, "We have is Orange Juice, Grape Juice, Prune Juice, Tomato Juice and Apple Juice, but no Irish Juice."

    • The world of statistical estimation is a fantasy guessing world. Trying to estimate the value of the illegal drugs trade and the sex industry is just creating extra work for government planning personnel. Prostitutes would be wary of this futile exercise as the 'information' on their undeclared earnings might make them the special targets of Revenue investigators. The concept of GDP and the inclusion of estimated value of illegal activities in the drugs trade and sex industry are shaky indicators of good or bad health in national economies. GDP doesn't tell us if the overall activity in an economy is worthwhile environmentally, socially or productively. It doesn't tell us about the quality of life of citizens. It doesn't tell us whether some categories of citizens need more government spending attention than others. Greece is a dreadful basket on the precipice of virtual bankruptcy. Adding the value of illegal activities to its GDP is a silly distraction from its real economic problems.

      • Ger,

        A similar problem arises with smoking-related diseases and the statistics spewed out on these. There is no illness or condition that is unique to smokers. On the death twenty-four stone alcoholic who smokes forty a day while never leaving his bed, what would you put his heart attack down to? Equally when the young fit guy who neither smokes not drinks keels over from a dodgy heart, what do you blame then? 

        The Central Statistics Office don't list smoking as either the primary nor secondary cause of death so officially, nobody has ever died from smoking in Ireland. The oft-used figure of 5,200 deaths from smoking is pure speculation. And nobody in any Country has ever been listed as dying from second-hand smoke. Yet recently the papers reported that 12,000 people's lives have been saved from it since the ban came in. 

        Using the same tricks, you could actually show that 24,000 lives were saved by people smoking instead but who'd publish that?

        Lies, damned lies and statistics!

        • Noted. I'm a nonsmoker myself and believe smokers should have their separate areas in restaurants and trains etc. so they can smoke without irritation to nonsmokers like me. The smell of plug tobacco smouldering in a seasoned pipe can be pleasant, as can cigar smoke swirling in the air, preferably Havanas. I wonder what will happen in Cuba when old Fidel moves on?

  17. sorry to be late arriving, still away on vaca myself about to take a cog railway train up a mountain, coolieo's back later!!

  18. <b> POINTS TO PONDER </b>


    Don't be afraid to take big steps; you can't cross a chasm in two small steps.


    Which is worse: ignorance or apathy?

    Who knows; who cares.


    Bare feet magnetise sharp metal objects so that they point upwards – especially in the dark.


    If you can't learn to do things well, learn to do them badly.


    If we were not meant to masturbate then why did God give us arms of exactly the right length?


    • What do I think of Procrastination?  Let's drink another pint and I may tell you.

      Speak clearly and eschew circumlocutionary obfuscation.

      I'm always prompt, no matter how long it takes.

      This is a not-for-profit company. We didn't plan it that way, but that's how it turned out.

      • Abstainer:  n:   A weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself pleasure.


        Successes makes you money, but failures makes you wise.


        Thought is action in rehearsal.


        Keep smiling – it makes people wonder what you have been up to.

  19. Hey, Grandad!   Why can't you make the spell-checker correct words in ENGLISH, rather that the (so called) English that our colonialist speak and write?


    Magnetise is spelt with an 'S' not a bloody 'Z'.


  20. Hey Grandad (Rant No 2).

    Why cannot we use HTML tags on this poxey site?


    See above when I tried to embolden the title.

  21. Another joke, three Irishmen went into a bar… wait that's not a joke, it a normal Monday, and Tuesday, and Wednesday…

  22. Not strictly true JC.Monday most important,late tuesday only, wednesday no,thursday to sunday yes.

    Money almost gone by monday night.

  23. A story in the British newspaper The Independent:;  Some fellas trekking across New Mexico to celebrate a forthcoming wedding discovered a tusk sticking up from the sand. It's a Stegomastodon, an elephant that lived about 6,000 years ago. Did the American red indians ride elephants as well as piebald horses?

    Let's speculate what strange objects Grandad and herself might find if they go to an all-night beach barbeque and rave in West Cork or Kerry…

      • Exotic fishing off the south-west coast of Ireland. Maybe Grandad is investigating the possibility of introducing tuna fishing, to bring Hemingway lookalike tourists to Baltimore, Tralee and Berehaven. Ever see a movie called Salmon Fishing in Yemen?

  24. "an all-night beach barbeque and rave"

    Somehow I can't picture Grandad and Herself at a rave.  Anyways if they were there I doubt there's enough ecstasy made.

  25. Come on, lads and lassies.   This is No 50 – we are only half way to Briansf's target.

    Get your thinking caps on and the keyboards working…

  26. No. 53.

    I too hate football and cannot wait for the inevitable defeat of the England team, so that all the St Georges flags disappear from what seems like every other vehicle on the road around here.




  27. Discovery of the day – mobile phones are fucking useless for Interweb browsing.
    Anyway, it’s too hot.

  28. i have to disagree, rather shiver and put more on then melt in the heat! lovely 70F here in the state of maine us of a, kind of fun to see things in miles and F and such. bit much on the flags though, they are everywhere, just about every house shed road pole, stars and stripes. i find it disconcerting and will be happy to cross back over into canada and back to my own slice of paradise that has no guns or flags waving about I will sorely miss the cheap liquor though.


    • A beautiful sunny 27°C here (You Wallys who use °F can work it out for yourself –   F=9/5 c + 32.    It's too hot here to bother)

      • 20ish C is good for me, past 25 i get whiney…30C approach with caution and you best have something cold to toss to me

  29. Three 'Blond' Jokes


    A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says, "What's the story?" He  replies, "Just crap in the carburetor." She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"


    A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her licence. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my licence and then today you expect me to show it to you!"


    A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open and  her right breast hanging out. A policeman approaches her and says, "Ma'am, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?" She says, "Why officer?" "Because your breast is hanging out," he says. She looks down and says, "OH MY GOODNESS, I left the baby on the bus again!"

      • Three blondes went into a Glasgow pub, accompanied by Paddy the Irishman, Paddy the Scotsman and Paddy the Englishman. That pub erupted into riot and was burnt down. There must be a sick joke there somewhere.

  30. An Irish Travel Agent looked up from his desk to see an old lady and old Grandad peering in the shop window at the posters showing the glamorous destinations around the world. 

    The agent had had a good week and the dejected couple looking in the window gave him a rare
    feeling of generosity. 

    He called them into his shop, "I know that on your pension you could never hope to have a holiday, so I am sending you off to a fabulous resort at my expense and I won't take no for an answer."  He took them inside and asked his secretary to write two flight tickets and book a room in a five star hotel.   Then, as can be expected, they gladly accepted and were off! 

    About a month later the little old lady came in to his shop. 

    "And how did you like your holiday?" he asked eagerly. 

    "The flight was exciting and the room was lovely" she said.  "I've come to thank you, but one thing puzzled me.  Who was that old bugger I had to share the room with?

  31. A good Hasidic family is very concerned that their 30-year old son is not married.  They call a marriage broker and ask him if he can find their son a good wife.  He goes to their house and spends a long time asking questions of the parents and their son as to what they're looking for in a wife/daughter-in-law.  They give him a long shopping list of requirements and the broker departs to find a suitable girl.  Later he revisits the family and says he has found a girl.

    He tells them she is the right age for their son, she keeps a Glatt Kosher home, she regularly attends synagogue and knows the prayers by heart and she's a wonderful cook.  She loves children and wants a large family.  And, to top it off, she's gorgeous.

    The family get very excited and start planning the wedding but the son hesitates and asks the broker quietly, "Is she also good in bed?"

    The broker replies, "Some say yes, some say no . . . "

  32. Herself wakes up suddenly during the night and realises old Grandad is not beside her.  She goes downstairs and finds him at the kitchen table staring into a coffee cup and wiping a tear from his eye.

    "What's the matter, dear?' she asks him, "What are you doing down here?"

    The husband looks up from his coffee and says, "Do you remember 45 years ago when we were dating and you were only sixteen?"

    "Yes I do," she replied.

    "And do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car making love?"

    "Yes, of course I remember that," she replied.

    "And do you remember when he shoved his shotgun in my face and said either you marry my daughter or I'll have you arrested and sent to jail for 45 years?"

    "Yes, I remember that, too."

    He wipes another tear from his cheek and says, "Well, today I would have been let out!"

  33. The typical chasmosaurine squamosal forms an obtuse triangle in dorsal view that tapers towards the posterolateral corner of the frill. In the dorsal view of the new taxon, the lateral margin of the squamosal is hatchet-shaped with the posterior portion modified into a constricted narrow bar that would have supported the lateral margin of a robust parietal.

  34. Hey Folks, The jokes are funny but we're still 32 comments short of our goal and he's due home here pretty soon.  So, get typing.

  35. What did the digital clock say to the grandfather clock?

    – Look Grandpa, no hands!

    How can you ever catch tuna off the south-west coast of Ireland?

    – Drop canned tuna into the sea, then drop a line with a magnetic hook after it.


  36. Grandad,  there has been some naughty boys playing about on your web-blog.


    I suggest that you ban them all for, say, one month.   Perhaps they will learn to behave whilst you are away.

  37. Statistically, six out of seven dwarfs are not Happy.


    Old Grandad told me that, " I never knew what full happiness was until I was married; then it was too late".


    He further said, "Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking that they had no faults."


    Did you here him tell how Herself said to him, "Can you please do the shopping for me and buy a carton of milk, and if they have oranges, buy six".

    A short time later the old fellah returned with six cartons of milk.

    "Why did you buy six cartons?" she ranted.

    He replied, "They had oranges".

  38. New Country Doctor

    A young doctor had moved in to a country practice to replace the old doctor who was retiring.   For a few days they went on the rounds together,

    At the first house the woman complained of the belly ache.  "I think that you have been overdoing eating all the fresh fruit.   Give it a rest for a few days".

    "How did you know that?" asked the young doctor.

    "Did you see that I dropped my stethoscope?    When I bend down to pick it up, I noticed that the rubbish bin was full of apple cores and banana skins".

    "I will try that trick at the next house that we visit", said the youngster.


    At the second house a younger lady complained of a lack of energy.

    "Ah! said the young doctor, perhaps you have been doing too much for the church.   Give it a rest for a few weeks, I am sure that you will feel better".


    Outside, "How did deduce that so quickly?, asked the old doctor.   "I did the same as you and dropped my stethoscope and saw the priest under the table".

  39. This makes 72……we're not doing well are we?

    28 to go, can we do it?     GD'll be back before we know it!

  40. Words of the wise:

    a. If you have nothing to say don't say it.

    b. Whatever you say, say nothing.  (Ulster proverb)

    c. Please ensure brain is engaged before operating mouth.

    d. Is minic do bhris beal duine a shron.  (Gaelic proverb – a man's mouth often broke his nose.)

  41. right i'm back now, whew what a trip!

    now for the lamest joke award, i was 5 yrs old this is my first joke i will preface it by saying "Tide" is a laundry detergent or it won't make any sense. also, Eskimos is now considered racially insensitive but hell i was five people it was along time ago. so my apologies to any Inuit reading, forgive me.

    why do Eskimos wash in tide?


    because it's too cold out'tide!!

  42. Well if we're into terrible jokes……..

    "My mother-in-law is bonkers, she drank Gin and Harpic and went clean round the bend!"  Boom – Boom!

    (exits hastily)

  43. What do you get when you mix an elephant and a jar of peanut butter?

    A really large pachyderm that sticks to the roof of your mouth,

  44. wow had a great day down at the wharf, got several strings of mackerels enough to feed Mr and neighbours.

  45. A bit of poetry…

    There was an Old Man with a beard,

    Who said, "It is just as I feared!—

    Two Owls and a Hen, four Larks and a Wren,

    Have all built their nests in my beard.



  46. Helping get to the 100 replies. Hopefully some more Yanks will chip in to talk about the Democrats and Republicans as if there's a difference between them

  47. More Points to Ponder

    Footprints in the sands of time are not made by sitting on your backside.


    The only way to get the best out of an argument with a woman is to avoid it.


    Mike, "I read that the govmint are going to give a maternity allowance".

    Peter, "Oh no!  Now every Tom, Dick and Harry will get pregnant"


  48. The other day I was relaxing in my armchair, pondering about the problems of the world, when I realised that at my age (77), I don't really give a rat's arse any more.

  49. A whale swims all day, only eats fish and drinks water, yet is mostly fat.   A rabbit runs and hops all its life, is a vegetarian, but only lives fifteen years.   A tortoise does not run,takes no exercise yet it lives for 150 years.

    And what happened yesterday?    The Doctor told me that I must eat less meat, more vegetables and fruit, no alcohol, and exercise more.    Bloody idiot!

  50. Without the daily ramblings of Grandad

    How are we to know we've been had

    All the time he's away

    Bad people hold sway

    With no-one to call them a cad.

  51. and hello now from work, like i never left it…sighhh, come on people 2 more comments!

  52. So what if Grandad extends his sunny holiday by an extra week? We'll have to reset the target to 200 posts!

  53. Mick, from Dublin , appeared on 'Who Wants To Be a Millionaire' (a TV programme) and toward the end he had  won 500,000 pounds. "You've done very well so far," said Chris Tarrant, the show's presenter,"but for a million pounds, you've only got one life-line left, phone a friend. Everything is riding on this question. Will you go for it?"

    "Sure," said Mick. "I'll have a go!"

    "Which of the following birds does NOT build its own nest?

     a) Sparrow

     b) Thrush,

    c) Magpie,

    d) Cuckoo?"

    "I haven't got a clue." said Mick, ''So I'll use me last lifeline and phone me friend Old Grandad back home in Ireland …."

    Mick called up his mate, and told him the circumstances and repeated the question to him.

    "Fookin' hell, Mick!" cried Grandad. "Dat's simple – it's a cuckoo."

    "Are you sure?"

    "I?m fookin' sure."

    Mick hung up the phone and told Chris, "I'll go with cuckoo as me answer."

    "Is that your final answer?" asked Chris.

    "Dat it is."

    There was a long, long pause and then the presenter screamed, "Cuckoo is the correct answer! Mick, you've won 1 million pounds!"

    The next night, Mick invited Old Grandad to their local pub to buy him a drink.

    "Tell me, my mate? How in Heaven's name did you know it was da Cuckoo that doesn't build its own nest?" 

    "Because," replied Grandad, "he lives in a clock!"

  54. OK so what will Grandad's next post be about? Holiday snaps? New research on tobacco? How this weather is getting him down? How to win the National Lottery? Thoughts on levitation & hypnotism?

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