I learned a lot of new things yesterday.
For the last year or so, the front gate has been acting up.
I don’t know quite what was causing it, but the gap between the two gates had closed and they jammed against each other. They are made of hardwood so I don’t think they have expanded, and the pillars haven’t shifted as they are more solid than Angela Merkel’s balls.
For whatever reason, the gate was very difficult to open, which had the advantage of keeping away unwanted visitors, but had the disadvantage of keeping away wanted visitors, if you get my drift.
Leastwise I decided it was time to do some repairs.
I had tried shaving a bit off the gates where they jammed, but that didn’t work. Too like hard work. I couldn’t shift the pillars so there was only one answer – work on the hinges.
The hinges are simple. Pins on the gates drop into tubes on the gatepost. The tubes are welded onto heavy bolts which in turn screw into a plate attached to the pillar. So the solution is devilishly simple – just screw the top bolt a turn or two into the gatepost.
Thirteen years of Irish weather had ensured that the bolts and the plates had rusted solidly together into one solid orange mass.
So what did I learn?
Lesson 1. WD 40 is mighty stuff. I found a can that must be all of thirty years old but was still pressurised and nearly full.
Lesson 2. WD 40 must be allowed to soak in. Took fucking hours but it was worth it.
Lesson 3. Steering wheel locks make great crow-bars.
Lesson 4. Screwdrivers don’t make great crow-bars.
Lesson 5. WD 40 smells lovely which is just as well as I got drenched in it and it’s hard to wash off.
Lesson 6. If working on a gate, make sure your throat is well lubricated. Everyone wants to stop for a chat.
The gate is now well hung [like Angela Merkel] and doesn’t jam.
I went out this morning and the fucking thing was wide open. I should have checked the latch yesterday but didn’t bother and the two halves don’t line up properly so the gate can easily blow open. That was easily fixed so all is well.
Everyone can now enter without any bother.
Unfortunately that applies to the unwanted as well.
I suppose you can’t win ‘em all?