A few days ago I thought I noticed a smell in the back garden.
It was the faint aroma of kerosene which I ignored as the neighbour’s tank is always leaking. Every time they fix it another leak seems to spring up.
A day or so later I noticed the smell again, but this time I was in the front garden, and nowhere near the neighbour’s tank. I made a mental note to check it out and promptly forgot about it again.
Last night I was out in the garden and the stench was overpowering. So overpowering that I actually remembered what I had forgotten – to check my own tank.
The fucking thing had sprung a leak and there is fucking kerosene everywhere.
It was pretty dark so I left it.
I went out this morning, and in full daylight I could see the extent of the damage – great dark stains on the ground and a smell that would make you retch. There was a constant drip drip drip from the oil filter as I watched, so I shut down the master stop-cock and investigated.
I don’t know anything about oil filters. Well, I know about oil filters in cars but I leave that to Spanner. Oil filters on domestic oil tanks are new territory for me. There didn’t seem to be any screws or bolts on it so there was nothing to tighten.
I gave it a belt with a hammer.
The dripping stopped.
I suppose I had better replace it at some stage as it hasn’t been touched in about twenty years and the filter may be getting a tad dirty. But I don’t know what kind of filter it as as it doesn’t have a name or any identifying marks on it. Maybe it had at one stage but they have probably corroded off.
It looks nice and clean though, but that’s just because it has been liberally washed in extremely expensive kerosene.
So now I have to try to find out what make it is. Even more difficult, I have to find where to buy a new one.
In the meantime I have sent a letter to Shell offering them first refusal on drilling rights in my garden. And I ain’t gonna just give those rights away like our fucking gubmint did.
After all, I have to make up the cost of the lost oil somehow?
Why not just set the garden on fire? It'll get rid of the excess oil and leave a really nice cloud in the neighborhood.
One small problem… If I light the ground under the tank, the tank will explode which in turn will take the house down with it. I'm all for doing my bit towards Global Warming, but there are limits
The leak might have been caused by a failed rubber seal. The rubber can perish (over time) on contact with Kerosene/Diesel Oils. You might need to replace them on the burner too.
Just be careful with the fuel though. Its not healthy stuff to be wallowing in.
I would say you are right on the money there. The seal was my guess too. It's unlikely I will find a replacement seal [seeing as I don't even know the make of it] so I'll just replace the lot. If I can find a place that sells 'em of course.
Heat Merchants are in the book. Bring a few pictures taken with a ruler for scale. They are very helpful and might even sell you a whole new heating system heh!
Good thinking, That Man. The only problem now is finding a ruler. I'm sure I had one when I left school……..
Good job Bush is out of office or you would be facing an invasion. All that oil.
Fair point. One whiff and it would be Code Red and Operation Shock and Awe Mk II.
…and the bitch is dead.
Heh! No need to ask which bitch!
Very sad. Such a loss. I really liked Annette Funicello.
The Mickey Mouse Club will never be the same.
GD, having used many oil-based heating systems in the past, I would seriously consider replacing the entire filter. Two pipe nuts to loosen and refit – job done. Simply visit a good builder's merchant or talk to the fuel supplier. It would be much cheaper than trying to recondition a 20 year old fitment.. Failing that, pipe a long wick from the garden to your boiler…
How does the dog view the new smells?
As I replied to Slab – I'll replace the whole shebang, if I can find a place around here that sells 'em. Failing that I can always "borrow" one off the neighbour's tank? I'm sure they won't mind.
Our Penny always wanders around with her nose in the air so it's hard to tell if there is any reaction.
Just a thought – marine diesels often have filters fitted. I bought one years ago from a chandlers place. They are usually used to reduce or eliminate solids and water from the fuel. You are fairly near the coast, is it worth a few 'phone calls and a trip to the seaside? Failing that, junk the current one and connect a small piece of pipe across the gap. Have a word with your best friend installing the new water pipe.
Good thinking, but for the life of me, I can't think of a single ships' chandler in any of my coastal haunts. Arklow has a boatyard or two but I'll try a few local plumbers first.
Think solar and put some panels on your roof. No kerosene smell then.
In Indian villages they collect the sacred cow patties, put them into huge barrel-shaped cement methane digesters, and pipe the produced gas into their kitchens. When the shit has exhausted all the methane they empty the digesters and spread as organic compost into their vegetable and crop patches, then feed the digester with new dung. Very scientific. Human waste can be used in the absence of cows – unless you think of rustling the cow dung from neighbouring farms in the dead of night.
Biggest problem there is where to find sacred cows in Ireland. Or is the actual cow patty sacred but not the cow? Such confusion.
Of course, as you said, human waste can be used but considering the quality of most humans there's a question of whether the methane produced would actually be useful or not? That being said, I hear there are some home methane digesters available on the market right now, consisting of a portable outhouse clamped atop a 20 foot tank that you can place in your yard (some assembly required). Of course, you have the generate a whole lot of waste product in order to get enough methane to be useful but I suppose one can ask your neighbors to contribute? There's also the small problem of having to climb to the top of a 20 foot tank to get to the outhouse when the occasional intestinal bug causes a sudden and dire need? 😉
A decent plumber should be able to identify, source & fit whatever is required to repair it, just be careful though re the spilled fuel, it's not good to leave lying around & can do serious damage to soil & local water supply if it seeps that far, also be careful if the Environmental Nazi's find out they will want / insist you get in a professional environmental company to clean up or take away all damaged soil etc at your own cost, not cheap.
That belt with a hammer is called "An Engineers Tap". Are you qualified to do that?
Sorry, it's really called a "Brummagem Screwdriver". There are very few people qualified to wield it now. And you have to be from the Black Country. And make chains in the garden…