Life is full of little problems.
I have a mountain of a problem.
You see, the grounds of Head Rambles Manor have gone way beyond the planting stage and way into the hacking stage. Gone are the days of digging in new flower beds and planting pretty little flowers. Gardening nowadays is an effort of sheer brute force and destruction.
I have quite a few tools to help me in the garden. Ignoring Herself, I have a chainsaw, a branch muncher, a strimmer, and assortment of pruning saws, a hedge cutter, a slash hook and various other instruments of destruction. All these are fine but they have combined to present me with my current predicament – what the fuck to do with all the results of the hacking, pruning, cutting and general mayhem.
For a while now I have just brought all the detritus into one of the woods and left it there. Now it is a pile about eight foot high, and growing higher by the week.
I have some drastic work to be done over the summer, mainly in the hedgerows where I have to cut back enormous quantities of bramble, ivy and other unwelcome guests. But where the fuck am I supposed to put all the resulting stuff? I can’t add it to the mountain as the top is becoming unreachable.
Some of the more discerning of you may have noticed above that I mentioned a branch muncher. That is fine and good for small branches, but if I were to start work on the mountain, it would take about three years to get through the whole pile.
The temptation is to just throw a match at the mountain and let the laws of physics and combustion take over, but as I said – it’s in the woods, and there is more than a fair chance I would set the trees alight.
I like those trees.
But I can’t see any alternative.
I’m going to have to set light to the lot and hope for the best.
Ireland is about to gain its very own Eyjafjallajökull.
I hope none of you has booked a flight over the next couple of weeks.
I have a feeling that Irish airspace is shortly to become a no fly zone.