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Some thoughts on soccer

Head Rambles Posted on by

Soccer is probably the most tedious boring sport ever invented.  It is matched only by marbles and curling.  You can watch it if you like but leave me out of it.

The current championship or whatever it is has only just started but you have already bored the arse off me.  The prospect of several weeks of it is more than a little depressing.

People who paint their faces and shout Olé,Olé,Olé at every opportunity are showing their true mental age – around two.

While I am on the subject, “Olé,Olé,Olé” is Spanish and not fucking Irish.  And it’s about as musical as drilling holes in the head with a power tool.  SHUT THE FUCK UP!

The wearing of leprechaun hats should be a capital crime.

What the fuck has a giant plastic inflatable hammer got to do with football?  Idiots.

The next fucker who asks me if I watched the match is going to get his nuts slammed by my size twelve steel capped boots.

The next person who assumes I watched some match and just launches into a verbal replay of it will have breathed his last.

Any fucking idiot who advertises his wares by involving football, even though those wares have fuck all to do with sport will be permanently and irrevocably crossed off my shopping lists.  Draping a fucking football scarf across a supermarket trolley will not entice me into a shop.  Except to burn it down, of course.

The only thing more tedious than soccer is pre and post match analysis.  It’s boring, pointless and a waste of oxygen.

Most of the time I just ignore football but during some competition or other, it become my number one hate.

So just fuck off with it.

OK?

 

Comments

Some thoughts on soccer — 24 Comments

  1. I often thought some of these soccer guys should have lawn mowers so they could do something useful during the many lulls in the game. Be great spectator sport too!

  3. Not Green – They could stand there staring into space and they would still be doing something more useful.

    Sean – Feck off!  That’s almost as bad as soccer.  The only reason it’s marginally better is that people are a bit quieter about it.

  6. tt – I have no problem with you or anyone watching any or all of the matches, just provided you don’t do it in my pub, and that you shut the fuck up about it afterwards.

  9. zero sports in my house come on over, we have beer and yes guinness, lots of music (not yet on the theremin but its coming) and food, hope you don’t mind cats they won’t mind you

  10. It really pisses me off at the fact that just because you’re a bloke that hates football, people automatically stare at you as if you were Gary Glitter in a creche.
    FOR FUCKS SAKE PEOPLE; AT THE END OF THE DAY IT’S ONLY A FUCKING GAME!!! It’s not as if the fate of the country’s resting on it!

  12. I was going to go on and on about how soccer isn’t a real sport like baseball or football or rugby but I guess I’d be preaching to the choir
     

  13. tt – Do I sense the beginning of a Jedward fetish here?  You seem to like them.  A lot?

    Cat – I’m on my way.  Is there enough Guinness to last until this fucking championship or whatever it is is over?

    InisEanna – Amen, Brother!

    Brianf – You are spot on. Baseball, football and rugby aren’t sports either.  More fucking waste of time.

  19. John – My apologies if my article was a tad subtle, so in case anyone hasn’t realised what I was trying to say –

    I FUCKING HATE FOOTBALL or SOCCER or whatever the fuck it’s called.

  20. Your attitude is typical of those who remember that they were always the last to be picked.

  23. Welcome Anne!  That link is the perfect send-up of the kind of shite that drives me mad…..

    “Well now” says the ‘expert’, “if Jigser had scored that last kick the result would have been entirely different” 

  24. Awwww come on – Soccer is “The Beautiful Game”

    I have to admit though the punditry is a pain so I tend to avoid that at all costs

    “Gary Glitter in a Creche” pure class……

     

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