A sharp intake of breath
Spam has received a very bad press over the years.
When we think of spam, we immediately think of the endless offers of genuine replica [?] Rolex watches and the interminable offers to add an extra couple of inches to our manhood [as if I needed it! Hah!]. However there is a load of stuff out there which really makes good reading.
I have a couple of defences against the thousands of offers of Viagra and the like. I have a filter thingy on the server which eliminates all the spammy shit destined for my mailbox. It filters out a lot of genuine mails from friends and relations too which has the added advantage of giving me less to read and to reply to.
I also have a couple of yokes in the back-room of this site. One [WP-SpamFree ?] just blocks all the really tedious comments, and I never get to see them. The other is Akismet which lets comments in, but holds them for me to check. There is some really good stuff in that lot.
Most of the stuff in there is really flattering and any time my self confidence is on the ebb, I have a read just to make myself feel better.
“Some times its a pain in the ass to read what blog owners wrote but this site is very user friendly !” writes a bloke with the unusual name of Reseller Hosting. I mean to say, who wouldn’t be chuffed reading something like that?
Some of the comments are a little obscure and I’m not really sure what they are trying to say – “This web page leaves a beneficial materials that may ‘t be disregarded primarily it is made up of and displays us one other level of hugely extraordinary impression.” – from Anxiety Disorders for example. Maybe they are just trying to work through their anxieties?
Others are quite lavish in their praise. “I simply wanted to thank you again for the amazing web site you have made here. It is full of ideas for those who are seriously interested in this subject, specifically this very post. You’re really all amazingly sweet along with thoughtful of others plus reading your site posts is a superb delight in my experience. And what generous gift! Dan and I are going to have fun making use of your guidelines in what we need to do next week. Our collection of ideas is a mile long so your tips will be put to great use.” writes Gay Webcam [what the fuck were their parents thinking when they christened their kids?]. I have printed that one off and framed it.
One that I am still working on is “vend cubit peasy cotone marriageable pinched sputum closefisted cartwright” from Free Sexcam [probably a cousin of Gay Webcam?]. That one is even too obscure for Google Translate.
I think my favourite though is a wee contribution from a lovely person called CPanel Reseller Hosting [they have to be related to Reseller Hosting]. It is this comment that I think of as I drift off to sleep at night. It makes the world seem a nicer friendlier place. It is short, succinct and enormously flattering…
“You are my inhalation”
the air that cleanses the mental pallette and allows us to breathe with a clear mind
hows that?
Cat – Very poetic. Are you one of those spammers?
Ey oop Grandad ..
D’you have owt which identifies, tracks down & liquidates (preferrably in the most painful manner imaginable) the wives, sons, daughters etc of various Nigerian government ministers, generals etc .. who want to use my bank account to transfer their ill-gotten gains ?
If so, can I order two, please ? … The second being as a spare … 😉
You are my inhalation – love it.
Cap’n ‘addock,
Avast there! (Whatever that means!)
I have started posting the scan mails I receive in a section of my blog and get a regular trickle of visitors to those posts – there are people who actually believe some of the stuff they receive. I once received a very sad email from a man who really thought he had won a Spanish lottery.
Haddock – I do indeed. I still have a few ICBMs from a Soviet sale on eBay that I haven’t used yet. I wouldn’t recommend it though as you will just be creating a couple of million more Ugandan widows and widowers disparate to get their cast out of [what’s left of] the country.
Blackwatertown – I was indeed an interesting turn of phrase. I must use it on someone sometime and see what kind of reaction I get…..
Ian – Presumably it means you are accusing Haddock of having an enormous there?
Hi Ian ..
“Avast” .. a naval command to cease an action, or procedure immediately …
Grandad .. I’m not so worried about the Ugandans (they haven’t climbed aboard the scam train .. yet)
But those Nigerian buggers are getting right on my threepennies ..
I’d like two ICBM’s and a bag of RPG’s please .. 😉
Haddock – Bugger! I meant Nigerians, You know what they say about sheep?
Don’t tell me they’ve started spamming now as well ?
Hell’s teeth, is there no escape ? .. 😉
Nigerian sheep?
What have they to do with spam. They wouldn’t eat spam on a bet. Hell, my auld ma wouldn’t eat spam for love or money…
Oh, and here.
Not Nigerian sheep. I mean that all sheep look the same.
The inhalation one must ve been sent by a French person who believed too much in the Google Translation God…they have the same word for inspiration and inhalation.
Welcome Droogie! I had a feeling it might be something like that. God help ’em if they are trying to translate all their spams!
I just wonder how this spammer very nice person can be inspirated by you if they don’t speak your language. They probably liked the blog layout. haha
Hah!
A comment just arrived, destined for this page.
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Thank you Constipation remedies.
You don’t take a hint, do you?