Scan my arse
Herself wanted me to scan a photograph.
No problem, says I. I have a scanner – it’s one of those yokes that prints and scans and faxes and makes a mug of tea, so it’s a simple matter of firing up the Puter and doing the job.
Oh sweet fuck!
How wrong I was.
For various reasons, I decided to do the job from Windows. You know Windows? That all encompassing, Will Do Any Job You Ask Without Any Fuss type Windows? What a load of steaming shite.
First of all, after it took an age to whinge about updates it announced that there was a new version of my Anti Virus. I told it to go ahead and fix that. It did, but then demanded a restart. Fuck!.
OK, I’m in Windows and my Anti Virus is happily cleaning out all the MRSA and Mad Cow Disease out of my Puter, so I decide to start the scan of the photograph.
It couldn’t see the scanner.
I checked and it can see that there is a printer there, but the fucking thing apparently doesn’t realise it’s a scanner too. I fired up my browser and started looking for some kind of solution. There were loads of people with the same sort of problem but they seemed to be all as lost as I was. No one was giving any hints as to how to fix things.
Bollox!
I decided to download all the drivers for my printer. That took half and hour. I then ran the program and it happily announced that yes, I do have a multipurpose whatsit and it was pleased to announce that it would fix all my troubles and woes. I let it do its thing. It then asked if the yoke was connected to my Puter or was I using wireless. It found the fucking thing but wasn’t intelligent enough to know how? I began to get worried. I told it to choose wireless anyway. It hummed and hawed for a while and then told me it couldn’t configure the scanner as it couldn’t find it. Oh sweet suffering fuck!
I unplugged my laptop and brought it into the room where the printer yokey is. I connected to it using a cable. I ran the little configure programme again. Was I connected by wireless or USB, it wanted to know. For fuck’s sake!! Have they never heard of network cables? Of course, there was no option to select a network.
I brought the Puter back to my comfy chair as I was getting tired of kneeling on the floor [my network cable is a rather short one]. I rebooted the Puter in the hopes that something might have installed correctly. No. Same old garbage about no scanners. It did however tell me that another programme needed updating, and that it would only take another half hour to do that.
I told it to go fuck itself five ways and sideways.
I went into Linux instead.
Within two minutes I had scanned the photograph. No problems. No questions. No updates. No Virus thingy whinging in the background.
Most businesses insist on using Windows in their offices.
It’s no fucking wonder the world is in a state of chassis.
Why oh why did you go the windows route in the 1st place – have you learnt nothing man?
Simple… I have an old copy of Photoshop there. I like, and am used to Photoshop and am not that fond of Gimp.
We have a photoshop shop at Poitiers, but I am not sure if is is an old copy, or not.
As for Gimp – wasn’t that the nickname of Pres Raygun ?
Best thing you can do, Grandad, is to disable the automatic Windows updates which are a pain in the fucking arse! That way you can do it manually when you want want to check for updates and download/install them – stops the tail from wagging the dog, so to speak. 😉
>.< windows..bleaurghh i’m forced using it all day at work! don’t get much done
AGrandad – Damn it! If I had know you lived in Poitiers, i could have saved myself a fortune booking a holiday near there this year. You wouldn’t have minded lending me your place for a few weeks? Of course not…..
Welcome Barking! [Or is it just plain Spider?] In fact all the updates were for programmes and not Windows itself. Windows can bloody well fend for itself.
Cat – You have my deepest sympathies.
Surprised Kirk hasn’t weighed in on this one yet Grandad. There’s nothing he likes better than running Windows into the ground!
I’m kind of with dessiegie that you should have known better – Although I have to admit I use Windows too for the myriad of programs that don’t run on anything else. Causes me a lot of pain, but I have to deal with it.
Denise – Kirk has been somewhat conspicuous by his absence all right. As regards using Windows, the number of updates shows how long it is since I used it. I think the last time I fired up Windows was about three months ago? Kirk would be proud?
Tried Linux, strictly for nerds, cant run half the programs I use and as for ease of install forget it. Tried Macs expensive, and cant run stuff either. Tried Windows great installs fine runs everything I use, could be why it has something like 90% market share
Sounds like Herself has figured out how to keep you busy and out of her hair. Clever them Herselfs. Tomorrow she’ll have some audiobook in a weird format she wants you to convert to Standard Mandarin.
Your every distant swearword is her reward as she pours another Pimms.
Neelly – Go on outa that! Strictly for nerds? Even Herself is using it and swears by it [quite a lot, actually] and if she can use it anyone can.
Con – Hah! She can ask what she likes but I ain’t using Windows again…..
How dae ye get that line thing to go through the words instead of shoving them to the side like my line thing does? (and makes a mug of tea,) Jist askin.
Welcome Masel. What line thing? Do you mean this line thing? I just use the little button at the top of this box [marked ABC]. My technical advisor [hah! Fucking eejit more like] tells me it can also be done by typing <strike> before a word and </strike> after it. Is that what you were asking?
A thousand pardons for my absence of late. I’d say my ‘conspicuous’ absence but I can’t spell ‘conspicuous’. We’ve just remodeled my wife’s quilt shop and when I wasn’t been working on the project I was catching up on chores at home. Either way I’ve been paying for it ever since (physically–can’t make the climb to the computer room or if I do I can’t get down again).
Now just to satisfy the good Lady Denise…
Not too sure why you felt the need to boot into Windows unless you’re into self abuse? You certainly didn’t need Photoshop to scan a picture. Kind of like using a bulldozer to plow a flower garden? I can empathize though as I think it’s a matter of guilty conscious you see. Microsoft has had us PC users so conditioned over the last 2+ decades or so, (not nearly as bad as Apple brainwashing but still…) that we feel we must keep the damn thing around even though we don’t need it any more. I’m guilty myself although I keep it penned in a VM where it can’t get out.
Alright then, I’ll slip back into my
comspicconpsconspicioabsence.Kirk M – Very tardy attendance record, I must say. And your excuses continue to deteriorate. The reason I went into Windows is that I wanted to use that Photoshop thingy and it normally speaks to the scanner with no problems. I got it to work before but I can’t remember how. I was reluctant to change back to Linux because Windows takes a fucking age to load up, and I didn’t want to have to go through that too many times. Make sense?
# Grandad on 25 Jun 2011 at 8:14 pm
Welcome Masel. What line thing? Do you mean this line thing? I just use the little button at the top of this box [marked ABC]. My technical advisor [hah! Fucking eejit more like] tells me it can also be done by typing <strike> before a word and </strike> after it. Is that what you were asking?
Aye but am still non the wiser what feckin button, whit kind o keyboards dae yes get ower there?
As for typing “<strike> before a word and </strike> after it. ” feck that. Things are bad enough here in the pea sea dept.
OK. There is a wee box that asks for your name. Right?
Under that there is a wee box that asks for your mail address. Right?
Under that there is a wee box that asks for your website. Right?
Under that there is a light grey strip with little buttons on it marked B I U | ABC | and a couple of others. Right?
The ABC one is the one I’m talking about. Right? Right.
Feck feck feck, right right, got it, buggertitsarse.
All that and you don’t bother crossing anything out….. *sigh*
All that and you don’t bother crossing anything out….. *sigh*
tee he he stop ya fecker stop i say
fecking buttons