A question of etiquette — 20 Comments

  1. Definitely No.4 GD.
    But don’t go directly from the loo room back to where you were.
    Take a circuitous route to make it look like you didn’t actually come from the loo !!!!
    Devious eh !

  2. Were there toothpicks at this party? Or better yet  chopsticks? Make a tiny sail for the chopstick and insert it in your floater. Admit nothing.

  3. You’re close with #4, but no cigar. You don’t leave that kind of thing to chance.
    You emerge, visibly disgusted, and explain what you found leering out of the depths of the bowl at you when you went in. Then you just sit back and watch while the other guests figure out who went in before you.

  4. Mossy – The problem with that one is that they still know I was out of the room.  I could say I was in the garden admiring their azalias but then what if they don’t have azalias in the garden?

    Sixty – Now that I like!  A neat piece of lateral thinking.  I could even use my host’s facecloth as a sail?

    Ciaran – I think we are getting close to a solution [?] here?  I like it.  A sort of extension of the old fart in the lift trick – glower at the person standing beside you.

  5. I have to agree with Ciaran on this one. That’s what I’d do anyway, short of blasting.

  6. Ask whether your hosts have coloured pencils/felt-tip pens, cocktail sticks & glue ..

    Create your National/Provincial/County etc flag from these items & stick it in said “Richard” ..

    Then proudly charge an admission fee on the door to view it ..;)

  7. Kirk M – While blasting is an excellent idea, and it’s sure to work, don’t you think the host may become a little suspicious?  Unless he ascribes the noise to a bad dose of wind, of course…….

    TT – Heh!  You bastard!

    Haddock – I can just see us all standing in a circle saluting the national flag and hummimg the anthem.  It would certainly be a memorable party piece.

  8. I’ve never had the problem. I always managed to flush the little brown fish away. It sometimes took a few nudges with the toilet brush (checking for signs of life) with a healthy flush and away they’d go.
    The Aromatic ones were always a problem. If I opened a window I ran the risk of the pong being forced by aerodynamics into the house and up the nostrils of the host. Not good. I’d try their deoderant. Just a few sprays into the air. Hmmmm, a little fresher with a hint of shite. Sounds like a new Farm Scent.
    Skid Marks, they are the problem. My little Slabs are experts.

  9. I just thought of something else. Instead of inviting everyone in for a brag session why not invite everyone in for a fun new game? “Flush the Floater”! First one to flush the floater wins (no plungers allowed but strategic placement by moving it around with a stick would be–no poking!). Bets as to who will finally flush your work of art can be collected, winner takes all–except for the floater which should be well on it’s way to whatever septic system awaits it.

  10. Slab – The originator of the floater can’t play of course but he/she can hold the bets though. The bathroom in question has to be large enough to accommodate all guests of course. If in the case that the bathroom is not large enough then someone (the floater originator probably since all he/she has to do is stand around and hold the bets) could video the proceedings with a camcorder if one is handy or possibly a cell phone/PDA. Once the winner has been determined the video should be immediately played in front of all the guests so there’s no question on who the fortunate flusher was.
    If you wish to make it a bit more interesting, one could buy an “extra flush”, one to a guest, for an agreed upon amount before the game begins. The “extra flush” proceeds being added to the pot to be paid out to the winner. Awarding T-shirts is strictly an option.

  11. I’m with TT.   Always deny.  That is the only approach that worked with my ex.

  12. Say nothing – if you don’t get invited back then you know you’ve been sussed!!

  13. Kirk M. This sounds like a hellava Shitfest. Its got all the makings of a manky porno.
    Yer on yer own on this one. I’d get too browned off.
    I think I’d agree with TT.

  14. I suppose one could adopt that used by British plod… Close down the whole road and waffle on about gas canisters or something.

  15. Floaters are best dealt by carefully layering with a copious amount of toilet roll in a criss-croos fashion and leaving to soak .. then flushing :))

  16. It happened to my godmother. Brenda Fricker blocked her bog.
    She just came out and made a joke of it. Everyone laughed. It was fine.
    Then again, that might only work for Brenda Fricker.

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