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The Eurasian Song Thing

Head Rambles Posted on by

OK, so I have a confession to make.

A couple of nights ago I was down having a pint or three and Stony bet me a few notes that I wouldn’t watch that song contest thingy.  So I had to watch.

From previous disasters I have learned that it is well to be very prepared before watching that epic display of kitsch and utter bad taste, so I opened a new bottle of whiskey and stoked the pipe with my best Home Grown.

It was, as I expected an endless blur of forgettable songs.  There wasn’t a single one that lit my candle and the only way I could keep track of them was by keeping an eye on Dick Puddlecote’s running commentary.  Thanks Dick.

I would love to give a blow by blow account of the entire travesty, but for self preservation purposes I somewhat overdid the whiskey and the Home Grown, so last night is a bit of a hazy memory, not that I think that sobriety would have improved things, but at least I am still relatively sane today.

I vaguely remember some weird apparition cycling around the stage on a monocycle with a fucking great cone on its head, but that may just have been the Home Grown.  In retrospect it must have been the Home Grown as even the Eurasian Song Contest wouldn’t sink that low.

I remember going for a dump as soon as they announced Ireland’s entry, which I thought it the time was a very fitting and appropriate gesture.

I also have hazy memories of one of the most cringe-worthy bunch of presenters, but I do distinctly remember that one of them was quite shaggable.  She was blonde, I think.  I also remember thinking that I wouldn’t kick the German lass out of bed for eating biscuits, but that is about as far as it goes.

By the time the voting came around I was pretty well anaesthetised so I don’t remember any of that.  I had to check the papers this morning to see who had won what.  So Ireland didn’t win, which is surprising as it was certainly bad enough to be up there.  I’m delighted as it only would have encouraged that insufferable pair of twins. Maybe they will shut the fuck up and go back to kindergarten now and leave us alone?  Unfortunately, I doubt it.

Apparently Azerbaijan won.  The only things I know about that country are that it’s one of those backward countries that have mysteriously appeared from nowhere in the last few years, and that it’s not in Europe.  So I don’t know what the fuck it was doing in a European thing.

Leastwise, they are stuck with the job of hosting the circus next year which should nicely bankrupt them.

Do they even have electricity in Azerbaijan?

 

Comments

The Eurasian Song Thing — 12 Comments

  1. I’m danmed glad we did’nt win it. It would have bankrupted us. I think Ireland having won it three times in a row, not to rub it in the faces of other Nationalities, should bow out now and forget this failed competition.
    We should bring back The Castlebar International Song Contest. It would be a great morale booster.
    I think we only lost it three times, Heh.

  2. Slab – Sure money is no object here.  All we would have to do is to touch the IMF for a couple of extra billion [assuming they aren’t busy getting blow-jobs from chambermaids]?

    I never knew we lost Castlebar?  That is rather careless.  It must have been upsetting for the residents?

  3. The only problem with approaching The IMF for anything is how far will we have to bend over and how many Chambermaids will they want. Or is it just a particular French aversion.

  7. I’m sorry to hear Castlebar has gone – did the rest of Mayo go at the same time?

    Azerbaijan is more solvent than Ireland – though most of the world shares that status – it has substantial gas reserves, which it hasn’t given to foreign oil companies.

  9. Maybe Ireland could enter, Fr. Ted’s “My lovely Horse” next year in Azerbijan. Fukkit we’ve tried everything else. remember the feckin’ turkey.

  11. Nice one Slab.
    Grandad – I presume we’re always trying to lose anyway – due to the crippling cost of the prize.
    And anyway – the whole Europe limit went out the door when Israel was let in. Not in Europe last time I looked (regardless of any EBUing) though they slotted in very well and provided some la la la and Dana International entertainment over the years.

  12. Can’t wait to see when Azerbijan apply for EU Membership. All that lovely oil, gas, dung, whatever the hell they have. They’ll probable get in too. They let anyone in these days, Bulgaria, Hungry, Latvia, Poland, Estonia, Ireland….ooops. They could join us in Bail out Heaven (hell).
    There must be a song in this.

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