It never fails.

Every year we have two guaranteed fine spells.  The first is in June and the other is in September.

The two periods are so reliable that I can book any holidays months in advance.  This year, for example we chose the June slot, and the weather was fabulous.

These two fine spells have fuck all to do with climate or meteorology.  All you global warming freaks can forget about claiming credit for them.  They are not determined by the wind, pressure, sunshine or any of that shite.  They are caused by one thing and one thing only.  The Department of Education, with a little help from God.

To those not familiar with the Irish world of academia, the Department of Education hold the Leaving Certificate exams in June, and the one time the school kids would give their eye-teeth to be on holidays, the weather decides to have a heat wave, just to rub salt in the wound.  And the fine weather in September?  That of course coincides with the return to school.

There are those who say that God hates Ireland.  Nah!  They are way off the mark.  God just hates Irish children, which is perfectly understandable as a lot of them are fairly unlikable.  They are a loud, uncouth disrespectful bunch.

What I would like to see is a bit of cooperation between God and the Department of Education.

Why can’t the Leaving Certificate start in May and last until the end of August?  Why do the kids have to return on one day?  Why can’t we force the little bastards to return every day from September until November?

Just think.

No obnoxious kids cluttering up the place? 

And glorious weather for the whole summer.