Health and Safety
We were having a little trouble with our satellite dish.
It was nothing serious, but I think I may have overdone it with the lump-hammer. Anyways I thought it was about time to get it fixed. I phoned The People.
I got onto a nice girl [on the phone – it’s a figure of speech] who said there were no problems, and their chap would be out on Thursday to fix things. I thanked her and was about to hang up when she started rattling off a list of terms and conditions.
First of all, she said all animals and children had to be locked up. What? I have no problem with locking up children but my dog roams free, and I told her so. She said they all had to be locked up for “Health and Safety”.
Next, I had to provide off street parking. That was fine, because the nearest street to me is about six miles away. We have lots of roads around here, but no streets. Apparently this is something to do with “Health and Safety”.
There were several other things she waffled on about such as wanting to know if I was over eighteen, as an adult had to supervise the work. I immediately had visions of a four year old complete with tool belt shinning up my roof, but I let it pass. I assumed it was “Health and Safety” again.
The chap arrived today.
He was a very nice bloke, but he took one look at Sandy and started to tell me to lock her up. ‘Scared of dogs?’ I asked. ‘Nah!’ says he. ‘Health and Safety’.
We went up on the roof.
At this point I should add that we have a very large flat roof. It is almost large enough to land a Cessna on, but not quite [as I found out once to my cost]. Access to it is through a door, so it’s a bit like stepping out into a gravel garden.
He took one look around and said that he would have to drill a hole in the wall. I asked what for, and he said he had to insert a bolt to attach his safety harness to. I pointed out that he was on a flat roof, that was very solid and that the nearest edge was about twelve feet away. ‘It doesn’t matter,’ says he, ‘Health and Safety requirements.’ I told him very politely that if he tried to bore holes in my wall, he really would have health and safety worries, so he though better of that one, but kept giving nervous glances at the road, in case there was a Health and Safety Officer loitering around. There wasn’t.
He had to run an extra cable across the flat roof, which was fine, but then he wanted to nail it down for Health and Safety reasons. Once again I had to quietly remind him that sticking nails thorough my flat roof would not be good for his health or his safety.
It took him about twenty minutes to fix my dish, and a further hour and a half to run through his Health and Safety checklist, but he did a grand job.
I watched him drive away.
I noticed that he didn’t wear his seat belt.
you could have suggested you nail his feet to your nice flat roof, and see what he said?
Appropriate enough in Holy Week.
Brilliant! Did the dog survive?
I suppose it’s during these times that H&S officers really have to work overtime to justify their positions. When will they realise that the whole idea of work is bad for your health?
SAm – I would have only I value my roof. He did seem to have the attitude that it was quite OK to destroy my house provided it was in the cause of H & S.
Bock – I didn’t think of that. Should I have crucified him on the chimney?
Dorothy – The dog always survives. Visitors don’t but the dog does.
Jack – Have you ever seen a H & S officer? Do they wander the back roads looking for people who climb untied ladders? Do they lurk behind hedges waiting for someone with no hard-hat? I have never seen one.
Funny story, Grandad. The idea of a safety belt seems to have sunk in with most people, but you still see a few without. Hardly anyone seems to wear one on a bus. I wonder is this because of habit – or rather, lack of habit – or because they feel so much safer?
It’s because there isn’t much demand for installing satellite dishes on the roofs of buses.
Health & Safety has gone bonkers.
Have you seen the road sweeper lorry recently? It has a lorry going ahaed of it with flashing lights and another going behind it with a big flashing arrow.
There used to be boys at school who bought Health & Safety magazine – but always kept it under the desk – always seemed odd.
Stan – The scary thing is that it happened. I thought he was joking about putting a bolt in the wall for his safety harness, but he wasn’t. He was seriously scared of falling off the edge which was twelve feet away.
Bock – There could be an opening there for a whole new industry?
Ian – It is all part of the Nanny State mentality. We must all be protected at all costs from ourselves. I suppose we have all felt that urge to drive up the arse of a road sweeping lorry so it has it’s merits?
Wasn’t that ‘Health and Efficiency’? Not that I would know.
Knew it had something to do with work.
OMG, you are not alone, Himself got himself a new tv, which required a new satellite dish. The girl? on the phone: Will you be home between 8am & 6pm? Oh sure, we don’t have jobs to go to. So one stays home to await super satelliteman. Who when he shows up at 5:45pm proceeds to rip off the old dish, throw it in the landscaping, there go the flowers I’ve been protecting from the deer, chickens, turkeys, dogs, & the bear. Super S than runs new cables, requiring according to his code four hundred stapes per inch, and a new 12″ bore hole in the one load bearing wall. He tosses the ol reciever across the hardwood floor, plugs the new one in, and departs. Having 2.5 minutes to make it back to Krypton. If I ever see him again, it will be too soon for his Health.
Brighid – If you weren’t in the States, I would say we use the same company. Or maybe all satellite ‘engineers’ get trained in the same place?
Anyone who can hold a screwdriver these days is an engineer, and anyone who can write two lines of code is an architect.
Bock – What is worse is that any old fecker who writes a blog these days fancies himself as an author. Disgusting….
What next — barristers controlling the economy?
Bock – Surely that would never happen?
Health and Safety, what a load of bull.
I mean they’re not exactly going to be in the best of health judging by the work that they do, so why do they need to make such a fuss over saving it?
TheChrisD – I think the greatest danger to his health and safety is the reaction of the customers. I came pretty close to thumping him.