Is the government having a laugh?
The more I think about it, the more I am convinced that we are the subject of a Dail Bar bet.
Picture the scene: The Dail Bar a few months ago……
Biffo: Hey lads! I have a great idea. Lets open a book on how low we can bring our ratings.
Martin: How do we go about it?
Biffo: For a start, we’ll hold an early budget. This sounds like a laugh, and I can’t wait until the end of the year.
Coughlan: You won’t lose many points on a budget. Those fuckers out there are used to budgets and rising taxes.
Ahern: I have an idea. Lets hit the elderly and the school kids? That should drop us a few points?
Biffo: Brilliant! Let’s take away the medical cards and increase class sizes. Any more ideas?
Harney: I could withdraw the cervical cancer vaccination? That should wind ‘em up good and proper?
Biffo: Good thinking. I like your style. We can leak out about a few more of your cancer diagnosis errors too.
Harney: Not all of them though. We want to keep a few in reserve.
Ahern: Let’s introduce a new income tax and hit everyone, even down to the lowest paid?
Biffo: Brilliant. Jesus, but this is going to be fucking class! I’m laying €500 we’ll be down to single figures by December.
A couple of months later….
Biffo: We’re doing real well, but we can do better. We rightly pissed ‘em off with the budget. Did you see those old wrinklies out there on their Zimmer frames? I haven’t laughed so much in years.
Coughlan: We are still in double figures though, and it’s only a couple of weeks until December.
Biffo: Shit! We have to come up with something else.
Martin: I was thinking about that. How about having another Lisbon referendum?
Biffo: That is a stroke of real genius! Set the ball rolling.
Coughlan: Hold on. This is a great laugh, but aren’t we going to lose the next election because of it?
Biffo: Are ya mad? A month before the election, we’ll suddenly ‘find’ those billions we salted away and give the fuckers a small tax break. They’ll forgive us and forget all about this game.
Harney: You’re right. I’m off to fuck up a few more hospitals.
Biffo: Good girl.