Navigating technology
There is a strange passion these days for producing items that do things over and above what they are supposed to do.
Probably the worst example of this is the mobile phone.
A phone is a phone.
What twat decided it would be a brilliant idea to make it into a camera? If I want to take a photograph I will bring my camera, which is what I bought it for. Unfortunately, my camera is useless for making phone calls.
I was messing with my phone the other night and discovered that I can browse the Interweb with it [my phone, not my camera]. This came as a bit of a surprise, as I thought that was what computers were for. I poked around a couple of sites before both my battery and my credit ran out. Useless.
What next? Are they going to produce motorbikes that double as remote controls? Will my toaster be able to receive satellite television?
I mentioned recently that I had been coerced into buying a SatNav.
I don’t really have much use for it at the moment, because, in general, when I am going anywhere, I know where I’m going.
However…
The SatNav has a couple of nice little features. It has Bluetooth [whatever the hell that is], and it’s a radio transmitter.
This means that when it’s in the car, it can act as a hands-free yoke for my phone. So when I’m driving, I can chat away to people and hear them through the car radio.
It also means that I can load up loads of my favourite music onto it, and play that through the radio.
I did that last week. I loaded up some real music, as distinct from the crap they produce nowadays. I loaded up McGuinness Flint, Dave Dee Dozy Beaky Mick and Tich, Manfred Mann, Canned Heat, The Hollies and of course Moody Blues, as well as a load of others. So now I can drive around the place blasting out great stuff from the 60s and 70s, which not only sounds good, but it brings back great memories too.
I now use my SatNav purely for the phone and the music. Navigation can wait for another time.
I wonder if it makes a cup of tea?
Sometimes, mobile phones do even more than what you think…
http://youtube.com/watch?v=TYIOIM6hHBk
I WANT ONE! At last – a useful mobile phone. Thanks, Cathy 🙂
‘Dave Dee Dozy Mick and Tich’
What happened to Beaky?
Poor Beaky. That’s what comes of sleepless nights. He has been reinstated in his proper place.
Damn! Beat me to it with the Beaky thing – bloody 02 was down all weekend. Grrrr.
Satnav my arse! it’s bad enough with the missus in the car beside me – the flask in her hand the mo’-in-law on the phone – thats a picture you really dont wanna see….. ‘left, no the next f**king left, you feckless gobshín et cetera and the satnav yacking away in the background trying to get a word in edgeways… three women[sorry ladies…] giving me directions…
bicycle please… slán
peter
E Mum – You mean you had to live in the real world? 😉
Peter – Do I really want to SatNav your arse? There are some places on the face of this earth I do not want to go…
Grandad,
they told me it was a camera alright before the operation – [pardon the pun…] but isn’t that gas!
slán!
peter
I like to be able to use my mobile for other things – it rarely rings anyway (Ahhhhhh…) all the photos on my website come from the phone – I don’t have enough hands to cope with carrying stuff as it is!!! Its all good fun!!!
Well Grandad. I’m goin up the country (without satnav), maybe see Xanadu and you won’t get me I’m part of the union. No you won’t. Didn’t know you were a pophead. Funny you should mention these things – over at my place I have been coming over all nostalgic. I was recalling days at the Carlton, the Drummer, and all those Grand cinemas.
my phone has route66 and can can pronounce and can find those strange place names here in Kerry – me bein a dub ‘n all. Music is for the ipod. It’s great to have these gadgets and remember when we didn’t have them. I like nostalgia, but I love my music. Not a crappy c90 tape with shitty batteries. Enough! why blog here?
thnx grandad, I’m not the only old fart.
Peter – Too much information.. !
Kate – Why don’t you buy a camera that doubles as a phone, rather than the other way around? Much better quality images?
Kerryview – I listen to all kinds of music [except jazz]. When driving, I like something lively, hence the selection. As I said – it isn’t just good music, but it brings back great memories. I agree about the C90s. Damn things always got twisted up in the player. Ipod? What’s that??
god now you have me trippin. c90s. twisted tapes. pop. cinema. I’m goin to the pub right now – if I don’t I’ll start writing about the old days. which are the same as these days. cheers grandad, the next one’s yours. till tomorrow.
Mind you don’t buy a pint that doubles as a hair dryer.
Buy a phone? Buy? What is this buy? My moby’s always have ‘Engineering Protoype NOT FOR RESALE’ on the back. God bless my boy!
Kate – Kieron sounds like a lovely fellow. Very nice to talk to. And a brilliant writer.
By the way, I suppose he wouldn’t have any decent spare mobiles lying around? 😉
Well I don’t know if he’s reading your blog while he’s away on holiday but knowing my boy – he will be!
And I’m sure if he does he will post a comment especially to someone who is good at flattery – of course he might have a little go at your spelling of his name (my fault – made it up on the day he was born) but you would have to remember ALL prototype phones these days take photos and videos and access the internet – more confusion eh? 🙂
I have to agree with you, Grandad. A phone’s a phone. Don’t need any of the extras. If I need a camera, I’ll bring my camera. If I need Internet, I’ll bring my laptop. If I need any other malarkey, I’ll bring my organiser and/or laptop.
And what’s my phone? A Nokia 1101 😛
Kate – Why don’t they just make phones any more? They would be a lot cheaper?
TheChrisD – A man after my own heart. My phone is nearly as old as yours. I don’t have an organiser though?
Don’t know about all of the above but I wouldn’t mind one of those ‘memory sticks’ that could double up as a satnav and guide me around the supermarket and remind me of what I need to buy, when I’ve forgotton my shopping list (yet again..). This has got nothing to do with what you are all talking about has it..?
Just ignore me.
Public demand I suppose – people today are looking for ‘seamless technology’ – they’ll be fitting them with a homing device soon!
Reminds me of that new fangled device that combines sound and vision. What’s it called? A telly or something.
tt
you rich fecker and me with my etch-a-sketch
The modern mobile phone is a glorious creation, any awkward situation can be killed by pretending to have a text message.
In California it is now against the law to talk on a cell phone & drive at the same time. Humphf. Pretty silly if you ask me. Don’t we have bigger issues to worry about?!? Anyway it’s putting a big cramp in my blog-mistress’s style & forcing her into getting a bluetooth…she already talks to herself day & night, so this should be interesting…
PS: In case you’re wondering, I unsubcribed to you via email because I finally started using Google Reader & added you there. Why didn’t I do this sooner – it’s so EASY! 🙂
I don’t know about Californie but folks here in the southland drove worse than shit before cell phones. Now it’s a fucking nightmare. Teenagers getting killed an killing driving and TEXTING; never mind talking. Sorry Olga, you’re dead wrong on this one.
What’s all this talk about cell phones, cameras, SatNav’s and music players?
I’m a pretty technologically savvy guy. Why I just installed a steam engine to run the grist mill and I have my own telegraph station and I just got my new ticker tape machine too. Heck even the mail service is now less than a month to Kansas. I’m told that some of the steamer lines can make it all the way to England in less than two weeks!!!
What a great time we live in!
Geri – Do as I do and shop on-line. I never forget anything [because if I do, I can always go in and amend the order before it’s delivered] and Herself gets damn all chance to impulse buy. 😉
Kate – Seamless technology? My phone and my PC both have cracks in them where they come apart? It’s just that I can’t find my screwdriver. As usual..
TT – Adding pictures to the wireless was the ruination of it. I’m going to start hanging a blanket over the picture part, so I can go back to decent programmes.
B’dum – What happened to your name? Has your personality finally split? Mobile phones are also great for throwing at people. Ask Naoime What’sHerName.
Olga – I saw you had unsubscibed and was going to write something VERY nasty on your site, because I am that kind of lovable person. But then I thought you might have done what you did, so I didn’t. It is illegal to use a mobile here in Ireland too. While I abhor the Nanny State, they are damn dangerous things, and even before the law came in I always pulled over to the side of the road. I have to agree with TT – people who text while driving should be taken out and shot.
Brianf – I had no idea you were so advanced over there in Philly? Maybe we’ll move there. No. On second thoughts – yiz are all mad there.
Like, hello? It’s because your satnav has blue-teeth. Sheesh! I shouldn’t have thought that needed any explanation. They get it from chewing through the sky for a signal.
Until yesterday, I would have been on the same team but yesterday . . . I managed to get my hands on an iphone! Gadzooks it’s fantastic. And I’m not techno savvy or a phone freak but this thing literally does everything except make the tea . . satnav built in as well as phone, ipod, internet . . . I want one!
Grandad,
The useless technology thing is going too far!
We flew economy class from Canada – which used to mean for inflight entertainment watching a film on a big screen, while you spent half the time trying to find the right channel for your earphones. On Friday there were screens in the back of every seat and a complete menu of activities from which to select with a handset that detached from the armrest. There were the usual film and music channels, together with TV programmes, a CD jukebox and even electronic games. The Arab speaking guy sitting two seats from me – we had the luxury of an empty seat in the middle – spent most of the flight contemplating a game of chess on his monitor. I spent ages compiling a music playlist and then switched to playing and replaying Bruce Springsteen.
Why did we need all that stuff when they can’t even run to a decent cup of tea? I asked for milk and got a paper tube of white powder. There was the temptation to ask whether I should put it in my tea or up my nose.
This thing of trying to combine every single practical item in the world into one single SUPERGIZMO is all very well until you drop the fecking thing into a toilet after one too many pints of Kilbeggan. It all goes tits up pretty quickly when you lose your camera, laptop, phone, tamagotchi, satnav,MP3 player and Rersonal Reassurance Device in one fell swoop. Still, they probably function as urinal cakes too so at least they’d be fulfilling one last purpose in life.
just to make up for the last one.
Sam – If the teeth are the colour of the sky they should be grey or black. Blue sky? What’s that??
Baino – Sad. very sad. *shakes head and wanders off, muttering*
Ian – What happened to good old books? Do we have to be plugged into something all the time? Incidentally, you were meant to snort the white stuff. You missed out there.
Andrew – Hah! Talk about your life going down the toilet!! When they first brought out the three-in-one [radio/record player/cassette deck] I wouldn’t buy one in case one part failed and made the rest useless. Same principle.
B’dum B’dum B’dum – Your Multiple Personality Disorder is getting a bit out of hand. I seriously recommend you get it treated, as soon as possible?
but B’dum B’dum has so many different meanings now.
Originally it was just buzzcocks lyrics but I’ve found tons of other ways that it’s appropriate since.
Thanks for not writing me a nasty letter! But now I guess you will have to shoot me (or my blog-mistress)…OH NO!!!
GD,
First of, I haven’t read the comments above so sorry if I repeat anything that was said before me.
Frankly I am surprised that you are surprised if not ever slightly peeved by the technology that is expected to thus offers more than it really should. Well, you see this in a day to day lives of us, women – as expected my men. We are expected to multi-task; cook divine food; be sex goddesses in bed; look good at all times even when we feel like looking daggy; be smart, be funny, but not too funny or too smart to make the man look not funny or not smart enough; raise kids; work hard; wash; iron, etc etc etc. I am sure men feel under maybe not exactly the same but similar pressures. So no surprise that a phone comes with an MP3 player, a satnav, a camera, a computer and an organiser all in one. Anything less and it’s not wanted or ditched for an upgrade…
I quote; “There is a strange passion these days for producing items that do things over and above what they are supposed to do”.
Isn’t that a definition of you, Grandad?
BBB – You haven’t seen the specialist yet, have you?
Olga – I would never do that. Shoot my favourite bra? Nah!
Gaye – Are women supposed to do all those things? Shit! Herself doesn’t do any of ’em. I must trade her in for a newer model.
Kerryview – I do exactly what I’m supposed to do. No more and no less. You looking for a fight?
I am surprised herself has not traded you in for a newer model already! :p
Gaye – You have to understand that I was perfect from the beginning. No upgrade is required. They broke the mould when I was made.
🙂