I’m not going to the Irish Blog Awards.
I know I said I’d go, and I even wrote to that Mulley bloke and said I would. But I have better things to do.
I’ll be sending that other fella.
He’s a boring old shite. He’s half deaf and totally humourless, and he doesn’t even drink much.
He is a lousy social mixer and will probably try to hide in the corner somewhere. He’ll have Herself and K8 the GR8 with him so at least he’ll have someone to talk to. Until they get bored with him and bugger off to someone who can hold a conversation.
The only things I can say in his favour are that he looks a bit like me, and he does smoke a pipe. Apart from that, he’s a crashing bore. He is so dull, he doesn’t have a name. If you’re at the awards and see him, call him Grandad anyway. He’ll like that. It will give him an undeserved feeling of being someone.
The only other thing I can say in his favour is that he does all my typing for me.