Just a little update on this morning……

The electricians came, and were all cheerful.  They were only going to cut us off for four hours.

I showed them my new arms shipment that arrived this morning.

They said they’d have our power back in half an hour.

They were very nice blokes.  They never noticed the little bit of work I’d done last night.   I was chatting to one of them at one stage and he asked if I was going outside the gate.  I said I wasn’t, and he said it was just as well as there was a huge pile of poo there.  I said I knew, because it’s there every morning, and that I thought it was the postman.

I thought I had better do my civic duty though, so I picked up the poo [both piles – they were soft, sticky and very smelly], and fecked them into the neighbour’s garden.  But I was then left with a bit of paper covered in shit.  So I set fire to it, and dropped it with all the other rubbish.

The power came back, half an hour later.  I went out to thank the men.  That’s when I saw the blaze!  Flames were shooting twenty feet in the air, and my rubbish pile which I had been sentimentally collecting for the last couple of years was now blanketing the county in a thick pall of smoke.  It smelt lovely. Obviously my little piece of shit paper had set the lot off.  I don’t know what the postman ate last night but it was the most flammable poo I had ever seen.

All my lights are on now.  Two aircraft have already tried to land here, in spite of the pall of smoke.

I think I’ll dedicate today to John Gormless.