I was down in the pub on Saturday.
The local shopkeepers were having their monthly meeting in the corner of the bar.
Why is it that a lot of thing that happen on a monthly basis seem to involve a lot of bad temper, shouting and general irrational behaviour?
We usually ignore them, because they discuss things like speed bumps and litter bins, and nothing ever gets done anyway. They all seem to hate each other, and every meeting ends in a fight which can be fun to watch.
On Saturday, they were discussing the Christmas decorations for the village. They used to keep the decorations in the local police station, but they were stolen from there, so now they take it in turns to store them when they’re not in use. A row broke out as to who was storing them this year. They all denied having them.
The row turned ugly. It went from the usual shouting and name calling through to a full blown pitched battle. Soon the glasses were flying and fists swinging. It was great craic.
It began to get really ugly when the bar stools started flying, so I thought I’d better step in. I threw a full pint through the television screen, which made a spectacular bang. It was a waste of a good pint but it stopped that damned sports programme, and it also stopped the fight.
Gráinne, who runs the local hairdressers came over. She was dripping all over the place because the butcher had just shoved her head down the toilet and flushed it.
“What did you do that for?” she snarled.
“I know where your decorations are” I replied.
She looked at me open mouthed and dripped a bit more. Not a pretty sight.
“You never took them down after last Christmas. They’re still up there” I said.
There was a silence for a moment [apart from the television which was still fizzling and crackling on its shelf]. Then they all rushed for the door.
They quietly came back in, and admitted I was right.
So they spent yesterday taking all the decorations down.
They had to do that because they had hired someone to put them up again today.
Who says village life is dull?