I have the Crabs — 14 Comments

  1. I think you might like to see someone about this, 60. Someone who reads my blog too often may end up like me. Or you might grow hair on the palms of your hands.

  2. Reading this blog is like listening to a Gil-Scott Heron record……smooth and funny and thought provoking all at the same time.

    BTW……I’m completely pissed!

  3. Yeh, I’ve got the crabs too apparently. Awarded by the pissed gunslinger (and he doesn’t mean angry!). I’m not sure if it’s an insult or a complement but . . .hey, it’s the only award I’ve ever got!

  4. Brianf – Can you please remain pissed if you are going to post comments like that? It’s good for my ego.

    Baino – I was going to nominate you, but I saw that you already had a nomination, and we don’t want you getting big-headed.

  5. well sein as how im tendin to my idiot bothers ‘blog’ whie hes runnin round the ocean on some dang trip, keepin those little ones outta skool and his wife, well, who knows, ill accept this SHIT for him, though what he did to get awarded all these awards is beyond me – ona them is for hottest daddy blogger’, i ask you is that the right thing to be doin to a married man? and lord knows he doan have much in the wayo inner resources, hes as likely to let this SHIT go to his head and think it means sumthin ,an even is can tell you its jes all puffery but yous English seems to need that, callin your beer ‘pints’ as if anyone gives a good rats ass how much they’re drinkin so longs as they know they can get a refill, and spillin your bloddy ‘pints’ on each other when your team makes a point at that silly soccer game youal call ‘foosball’ and everyone in the stadium goin crazy cause the announcer dude, who mus be rich aln the work he gets – gots to be the same guy the way hes always hollerin’ out ‘gooooooooooooooooooooooooooal!’-sez their team scored but no one can see the little dang ball or the net cause their in nosebleed seats and besides theyv had 80-sumthin ‘pints’ and are piss blind, so all theys do is get into big ol fistfights with each other and then trash and burn the surroundin neighborhoods so fierce it makes international news, why youal doan just play footbal like our Kansas City Chiefs and get quietly pissed and fall asleep after they lose – liken theyz gonna do anythin else! – i’l never knowd but the Good Book sez we must learn to live together, excepin the Sons of Ham, so i guess soccer is okay, but liken i sez, I ‘l take thie SHIT award a stick it up on his site withn his others,maybe tidy the place up a bit wouldn’t that surprise my idiot brother?

    youal have a nice day.

  6. Hiya there, Uncle.

    Your brother kindly adopted me, [which makes you a great-grand uncle?] so I won’t have a harsh word said about him.

    Could you please not refer to me as ‘yous English’? I’m Irish. England is a foreign country. They are ruled by a Queen, while we are ruled by a Gobshite. A completely different place.

    As for drinking pints – if you haven’t had a real pint of Guinness you haven’t lived. A half litre wouldn’t be the same, at all at all.

    And again you have me wrong about foozeball [and sokker]. I hate the games. A waste of time, blood, money and energy. And they keep f*cking up the television schedules.

    You’re doing a good job looking after the site. Keep it up. And keep up looking after the site too.

    Your fond nephew,


  7. well! i din epexk no politness from a ferniner but you are a site for old eyes grandad.

    an is kin see how you think im my own other brother what with my idiot bothers name showin up on your mail an all but truth is iv not got the hang of this here inner tubes thang an his name came up whachacallit – autmatikly? anyhows, its me, my idot bothers sister so im guessin that im yern great grand aunt or sum such…

    i didn mean no disrexk what with callin you english an all – its just a lot of the worlds troubles can be traced back to either England or them damnd papists sos i guess i always assume the worst. nuthin wrong with the Irish at all tha i can see, in fact they makes sum fine ass black bush – not prez! – sippin whiskey that my idiot brother keeps round his house. shoulda known you didnt give 2 rats asses bout no sports either bein the fine older distuinguised gentleman you must be…

    i guess id better jes gohead an move into my idiot brothers house while hes away; my idiot son can bring me the dang messages my idiot brother sends by pigeon and this way i cen more eesily look after the site.

    ifn you happen to be over this way give me a call we’ go through ALL my idiot brothers whiskey together!


  8. Hiya Auntie Gnarly!

    No problem about calling me English [as long as you don’t do it again]. After all, from where you are, we are only a couple of inches apart on the map.

    And you’re right about them being troublemakers and all..

    It look like we have a lot in common. I’ll catch the next flight over and we can knock back a few pints of Black Bush and put the world to rights………

    Your affectionate nephew,


  9. Hey Doc and Gnarly Broad,
    youins ‘ere take notis dare dat ’em ‘ere furiners all talk funnee. I here say that ’em french folks in franceland all have differnt words fer everything. youins cint get no eggs but nowere up’in round that place. nope, ya’ gotta’ order oufs. Imma bein’ sere-is here. I done herd it from ol’ Delbert ore’ the VFW picnik jus las monf.

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