I am not a happy bunny.

It started last night. I was in the kitchen. Herself was in the bathroom.

“It’s raining again” says Herself.

I looked out the window. “No it’s not” says I.

“Oh Sweet Mother of Divine Jeezus! Oh F*ck! Help!!” says Herself from the bathroom.

I went in to see what the fuss was about.

She was right. It was raining. Inside the bathroom, but not outside.

We have a hot press in there, which is a very large storage area for our clothes. Loads of shelves packed with sheets and towels and items of clothing. It also contains the immersion heater and the central heating plumbing which makes one area of it look like an oil refinery – loads of pipes and dials and valves and wiring. And water was pouring down onto all of this from above.

Herself screamed about all the clothing getting wet. I was slightly more concerned about the water pouring over the electrical panels.

Immediately above the hot press, on the flat roof is the main water tank.

“Sh*t,” thinks I “the f*cking tank has sprung a leak”. My language goes to pot when I’m stressed.

So I flushed the toilet and turned on all the taps to drain the tank. [Good tip there – flushing a toilet is a great way of draining a tank!]. Then I went outside and shinned onto the roof.

So there I was at about three o’clock this morning, up on the roof, in the pitch dark. It had started to rain at this stage, so I was wet as well. The tank was fine. So was all the plumbing. But the weatherproof casing that surrounds the tank was full of water. and the only thing I could do was bail this out by hand.

I would say I got about 20 gallons out, in all. It stopped the waterfall in the bathroom. So I tidied up and went to bed.

I didn’t sleep much, because I was waiting for the roof tank to fall into the bathroom. And I had to get up at eight to let in the flooring Lad.

So now I’m banished to the box-room because the floor is still going down. I’m tired. I’m aching all over. My hands are full of scrapes and splinters. I’m cold because all the doors and windows are open, because of the sawdust. Sandy is terrified because the Lad is using a nail gun and the bangs frighten her.

I still don’t know where that water came from.

I blame Global Warming.