What is it about Irish holiday cottage rentals?

Why do they always seem to assume that there are eight of me?

I have been idly trawling the Interweb looking for a place to rent for a week or so in West Cork. We might go. There again we might not. But there is no harm in looking.

The point is that there are two of us. Just Herself and myself. But can I find a small place? Can I hell!!

Every place I find proudly boasts “sleeps six” or “sleeps eight”. How often do you get eight people going on holiday together? I suppose there are families with six children, but not that many these days. Or are we supposed to drug our friends and bring them too and force them to pay their share? Because these places seem to charge by the bed.

Last year we stayed in France in a gite that had four beds. Ideal. We used the upstairs room as a store room and slept in the main bedroom. The upstairs room was so small that you had to be a contortionist to get into it anyway. The two previous years we went Up North and stayed in a cottage that could [at a pinch] sleep four. Ideal.

But here, they seem intent on giving us top end luxury we don’t want. Why on earth should we want jacuzzis and en-suites when we don’t have them at home? Why do we have to have DVD players in every room? We’re on holiday, for God’s sake!

Small cottage to let

All we want is a small, comfortable basic house. Preferably with a roof. [We once booked a place that was advertised in the paper and it turned out to be a shed with no roof! Luckily we didn’t pay a deposit..]. We want a bedroom, preferably with comfortable beds, a basic kitchen, a bathroom and a sitting room. We’re not pushed about television, except maybe for the weather forecast [who wants to watch the news on holiday?]. I can manage quite well without a swimming pool, or a sauna, or a barbecue, or a phone. I don’t need a dishwasher or a washing machine. I don’t need ironing facilities and I can bring my own hair dryer [which I don’t use anyway]. I don’t need baby-sitting services, as I can trust Herself to look after herself when I’m down the pub. She’s old enough now.

As for location, we want peace and quiet. No immediate neighbours. No play areas. A view would be nice. And it should be within staggering, or even crawling distance of a pub.

It’s not much to ask. Is it?