I felt like annoying someone this morning.
It’s not that I’m in a bad mood or anything. Just the opposite. I feel good.
However, I feel I am paying quite a lot for some services, so I feel justified in phoning them every now and again for my own amusement, and to annoy them. I have a bit of spare time, and I have free phonecalls, so why not?
I rang my broadband company.
I went through the usual Voice Processing Units [see – I even know what they are called now] and eventually got through to a nice girl. well, she sounded nice anyway. So I explained my situation.
I told her that they had upgraded their system last October but that they had only fixed mine last week. I explained that for the last five months I was paying for a better service, but was still receiving the lower grade, which was cheaper.
“Oh! I definitely think you are due a rebate” says she, and put me through to their accounts department.
I had to hold for about twenty minutes. Their music was bloody awful and a pain in the ear, but it gave me a chance to brush up on my Minesweeper skills [Expert Level, of course]. I failed to beat my all time record but did manage to score 144 which isn’t too bad.
A bloke eventually came on the line. He was foreign, of course, but at least I could understand him. In the begining anyway.
I told him my story, and he said he would have to talk to his supervisor. He put me on hold. I went onto Solitare this time. Boring, but it distracted me from the music.
He came back. I then realised I was beaten. He was worse than myself. He tied the conversation into knots which is supposed to be my trick. I tried confusing him, but it was no good. He was a master at the art. Im sorry now I didn’t record the conversation, because I could have learned from this kid.
I knew I was totally lost when he started talking about Tescos and the way they do promotional items. This lad was a genius!! I had to concede defeat.
To console myself, I rang my waste disposal company. But the girl there was too nice. She laughed a lot and was very chatty, so I hadn’t the heart to be a bastard. I just paid my yearly bill and quit.
Now I am depressed. I suppose it serves me right. I am depressed because sales people are begining to learn my tricks. I am going to have to learn new ones.
There is a friend of Ron’s that I phone from time to time. He has a habit of talking to his computer while he is talking to me, so in the middle of a conversation he will suddenly shout “Oh! you f*cking idiot. Why are you doing that?” and I realise he is talking to the computer and not me.
It is very confusing. But it’s great. I must practice it..
Now, what’s the number of the local Social Welfare Office………?