New dogs are learning old tricks — 15 Comments

  1. Grandad whatever you do, don’t use your friends phrase to the Social Welfare Office. They might cut your pension and I can’t afford to keep you!!

  2. Kav – it has great compensations!

    Grannymar – I just apologise and tell them I’m talking to my computer. They’ll just add on a disability allowance.

  3. While I admire your panache, I have inherited my father’s talent for absolutely eating the face off people who screw me over in some way.

    A year to the day I applied to get a provisional licence – which, incidentally, I still haven’t got – and I went down to the local Motor Office, which is run by the most useless shower of bastards outside of Dail Eireann. I ranted and raved and called them every name under the sun – I used tactics that would have made Roy Keane bawl his eyes out – and by the end the woman behind the desk just gave me a blank look as if to say ‘So?’

    Damn they’re good. I wonder how they turn them into machines like that.

  4. Dario – it is called selective hearing!

    All women are born with it. We need it for when we have children. By the time they reach their teens we have it well mastered!

    Am I right grandad?

  5. Oh God! *sigh* yes.

    One trick I have found works well is to keep repeating the same thing over and over again – “I want my licence” …. “Yes, that’s nice, but I want my licence” …. “I understand that, but I want my licence”. You get the drift? It really does work wonders. Be polite, be calm, no profanities, keep smiling but keep repeating until you drive them insane.

  6. I think they’re there already – twenty years of stamping forms and then filing them seems like a prescription for insanity if there ever was one – but I’ll try again. Thanks for the help!

  7. Well it is refreshing to know that government employees all over the world have had their soul sucked from their bodies. Silly me, I thought it was just here in Pennsylvania.
    Grandad, you should attempt calling Dell or Microsloth support lines. Ha! The line is answered by an Indian or Bangladeshi who barely speaks english but answers the phone by saying, “Hello, I an thanking you for calling(fill in name of company here). My name is Larry. How can I help you sir? At this point I slip right into a PA dutch accent and say something like. Hey Jakey, doan rilly be gittin’ wha’ yure sayin’, ‘aint? This normally causes a long pause and being transfered to someone whos primary language is English wherein I can drop the silly accent and continue with my call without raising my bloodpressure.

  8. I love it when sales calls come in,I get to practice the language that i learned in the navy & construction jobs over the years.I even call them back after they hang up,a man needs a hobbie.

  9. Brian – seems here I keep getting transferred to call centres in Scotland… I have an easier time understanding the Indians! LOL! Well something to cheer everyone up – I have the random Bush quote generator on my google homepage – today’s wisdom from the great leader himself – “One word sums up probably the responsibility of any governor, and that one word is ‘to be prepared’.” Inspiring…

  10. You have all given me an idea! Next time I will demand [in Irish] to speak to someone who speaks Irish. If they do actually manage to find someone, then I would presume they could speak English as well 🙂

    @Deborah – I have stolen your idea. Sorry. But I love George W’s quotes!

  11. I like pissing off the banks! Yesterday I rang to check on a loan that’s in my husbands name but he has repeatedly faxed permission for them to talk to me. Well they wouldn’t, she said she needed him to come on the phone and tell her she could talk to me. So I flagged down one of our builders told him the story and she talked to him and then talked to me. Bloody eejits!

  12. I love it, Pissed Off [or can I be informal and call you Pissed?]

    Herself rang Sky once to order a film, and they asked for the Man of the House. Herself doesn’t get mad that often, but she lost it that evening – they got such an earful about how it’s the 21st century, and how dare they assume she was subservient etc etc. She got her film!

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