I would like to extend a very Happy Holiday to my friends at the CIA

I know you have been keeping a very careful lookout for me for the last few months.

The black van outside with the dark windows and the satellite dish on the roof is very reassuring. I haven’t had any break-ins since it arrived [apart of course from the lads, but they have to be able to plant their bugs. Don’t they?].

I’m still not quite clear whether you are watching me because I have a thing against George W, or whether you are protecting me because you see me as the Voice of Hope for America.

Is there any truth in the rumour that George W is going to rename the months of the year after himself and his family? I also believe he is writing his thoughts and philosophies on the back of a matchbox, and that everyone will have to learn it as well as the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution?

I won’t ask you to pass on a message to him from me. It would be too rude, and physically very difficult for him to achieve.

Please don’t launch a surface to air attack on Santa when he flies in. It would be too hard to explain to the grandchildren.

I’ll bring some mince pies out to the lads in the van, or they are welcome to call in. It must be freezing out there.

They’ll have to drink Guinness though as I don’t approve of Budweiser [or Bud as you call it].

Anyway, I hope you have a peaceful Holiday [I know you don’t like calling it Christmas].

Grandad