Conciliatory message for Web Sheriff

Fuck me but these lads don't give up easily?

I happened to take a look into this site's Spam folder to see if there were any decent offers on medical supplies or fake watches and came across nine comments.  All were identical in content but were rejected for a variety of reasons – DNSBL Spam, Local DB Spam and Fake IP.  In other words, my site marked all the IP addresses as known spammers and blocked them. [It also explains why all their emails are marked as Junk by my Thunderbird!]  The comment in question?

Your website can be accessed in the United States and as such you can be sued, your Irish routing does not. affect this in anyway..

We'll look forward to liaising further , we hope not to pass this file on for legal action and other remedies, which be in no doubt would be the next step if the situation is not resolved.

Web Sheriff prefers persuasion over prosecution.

Contact us@
New York Office
Tel: +1-212-601 2723
Fax: +1-212-601 2601

OK, so at least we seem to have established a sort of communication path even if they are using methods that are guaranteed to fuck up their own messages.

Dear Web Sheriff,

Welcome to my little corner of the web, and I hope you enjoy some of my other brainfarts while you are here.

Thank you for toning things down a bit, in that at least you haven't sent me the link to that fucking court judgment thing again [I was getting tired of reading that] or repeating all your previous messages every time.

I will of course remove the offending name, but first you would  have to answer just a couple of questions which I think are entirely reasonable –

1.  You must provide the name of your client in order for me to know which names to redact.  There is no point in just telling me the pages, as I have to know the actual names in order not to repeat offend.  Can you see the logic there?

2. Could you please tell me how a United Kingdom Court injunction has effect in the United States?  You seem concerned that my little scribblings are now read over there, when previously I assumed your concern lay solely within the UK where the injunction applies?  I suggested sticking up a "Do Not Read" notice for my UK readers, so if I added the US to that, would that suffice?  Mind you, at this rate I'd be running out of readers but what the heck…….

3.  Could you please ask nicely?  I know you have come a long way towards me on this one, as you have stopped quoting various court documents and mentioning the European Court but you still have a way to go.  You are still threatening legal action, even if in a somewhat watered down version.

4.  This one isn't conditional, it's just to satisfy my own curiosity – How exactly would a court case against me work?  Would you apply for extradition?  Would you try me in an Irish court?  What exactly would I be charged with?  Would I be sued for somehow allowing the little Interweb packets trespass on UK airspace?  Surely if an Irish old age pensioner was brought to court over this matter there would be a certain amount of media interest, and as the injunction doesn't apply here, the press could name who they liked?  Just curious…..?

So there you have it.  All you have to do is reply with a simple comment along the lines of –

Dearest Grandad,

We would be obliged if you could remove all mention of Elton John [or whoever the client actually is] from your site.

We thank you for your kind cooperation and sincerely apologise for any implied or direct threats we may have made in the past.

We also promise not to trouble you again.

Web Sheriff.

There!  That wouldn't be too hard?  I have even typed it out for you, but you must remember to put in the correct name.  Just talking about "your client" is sweet fuck all use to me, unless you want me to remove the word "client" from my site?  Also I would strongly advise you not to use any of those dirty IP addresses or other methods of obfuscation otherwise you'll end up back in my Spam folder again, and as that is cleared automatically on a very regular basis you wouldn't want your message to go unseen? 

Yours in hope of a reasonable settlement,


P.S. I didn't find any medical supplies or fake watches in my Spam folder but I can send you a Russian Bride or two if you're interested?



It's only fair to share...Share on FacebookShare on Google+Tweet about this on TwitterShare on LinkedInPin on PinterestShare on RedditShare on StumbleUponShare on Tumblr


Conciliatory message for Web Sheriff — 2 Comments

  1. Tell me more about the Russian bride? I once purchased the Thai variety through a 'two for one' deal. Sadly, both ladies expired during transit- not enough air holes. Lucky for me, they were cheap.  

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *