Muzzling Grandad

I received an email today.

It went straight into my Junkbox where I probably should have left it.

I can't tell you that much about it because it says [and I quote] –

This e-mail is the copyright of Web Sheriff®. The contents of this e-mail are strictly private confidential, are for the attention of the addressee(s) only and may also qualify for legal privilege. This communication may not be disclosed or otherwise communicated to anyone other than the addressee(s), nor may it be copied or reproduced in any way without the written authorization of Web Sheriff®. If received in error, please contact our London office on +44(0)208-323 8013, or our Los Angeles Office on +1-424-238 4551 or our New York office on +1-212-601 2723 (as applicable and depending upon time-zones), quoting the name of the sender and the addressee(s), then please delete it from your system. Please note that whilst we have taken all reasonable steps to ensure there are no viruses contained within this e-mail and any attachments, it is your responsibility to ensure they are scanned and virus free. Neither Web Sheriff® nor the sender accepts responsibility for any interception of this e-mail by unauthorized persons and please be aware that internet e-mail is not a completely secure method of communication.

Quite a mouthful?

I looked up Web Sheriff® and apparently they are some kind of Interweb Police force – "Internet Protector to the Stars"?  What the fuck?  The stars need their own police force now?

Anyhows, they tell me I'm in breach of something but they can't say what because of an injunction.  I was going to write to ask what I was breaching, but actually they tell me –

UK CONTEMPT OF COURT ACT (CONTEMPT OF COURT NOTICE)
CALIFORNIA CONSTITUTION ARTICLE 1 §1 (INVASION OF PRIVACY NOTICE)
EUROPEAN CONVENTION ON HUMAN RIGHTS ARTICLE 8 (INVASION OF PRIVACY NOTICE)
FEDERAL DATA PROTECTION REGULATIONS (CRIMINAL DISCLOSURE NOTICE)
EU DATA PROTECTION DIRECTIVE (CRIMINAL DISCLOSURE NOTICE)
UK DATA PROTECTION ACT (CRIMINAL DISCLOSURE NOTICE)
FEDERAL COMMUNICATIONS DECENCY ACT (MALICIOUS COMMUNICATIONS NOTICE)
CALIFORNIA PENAL CODE §646.9 & §653.2 (MALICIOUS COMMUNICATIONS NOTICE)
CALIFORNIA CIVIL CODE § 1708.7 (MALICIOUS COMMUNICATIONS NOTICE)
UK COMMUNICATIONS ACT (MALICIOUS COMMUNICATIONS NOTICE)
UK PREVENTION OF HARASSMENT ACT (MALICIOUS COMMUNICATIONS NOTICE)
UK COMPUTER MISUSE ACT (MALICIOUS COMMUNICATIONS NOTICE)
DIGITAL MILLENNIUM COPYRIGHT ACT (COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT NOTICE)
EUROPEAN UNION COPYRIGHT DIRECTIVE (COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT NOTICE)
FEDERAL TRADE COMMISSION E-COMMERCE REGULATIONS (CONSUMER PROTECTION NOTICE)
EUROPEAN UNION E-COMMERCE DIRECTIVE (CONSUMER PROTECTION NOTICE)
INTERNATIONAL CONVENTION ON CYBERCRIME (PROCEEDS OF CRIME & MONEY LAUNDERING NOTICE)
– and –
NOTICE OF BREACH OF ISP'S / HOST'S PUBLISHED TERMS OF SERVICE
NOTICE OF BREACH OF WEB-SITE'S PUBLISHED TERMS OF SERVICE

Holy fucking cow!  Have I been a naughty boy or what?  I'm even breaching my own sites Terms of Service?  [In fact they are breaching my terms of service as I never got the brown envelope]

So what in the name of Jayzus are they on about?

Well, they provided me with a link which provided me with 70 pages of the type of shit that lawyers roll around in, but was of little interest to me.  Why should I be interested in a judgment in a foreign court?

I was beginning to see the light. 

Lest there be any doubt, they gave a brief synopsis of the complaint –

1. Complainant : APPELLANT (COMPLAINANT’S IDENTITY PROTECTED BY COURT OF APPEAL RULING / ORDER)
2. Rights Agent : WEB SHERIFF®
3. Infringed Rights :
A. PRIVACY RIGHTS (PROTECTED BY INJUNCTION / CONTEMPT OF COURT),
B. DATA PROTECTION RIGHTS (DITTO),
C. HUMAN RIGHTS (DITTO),
D. RIGHT-OF-PUBLICITY (NAME & IMAGE RIGHTS),
E. PERSONAL GOODWILL & REPUTATION,
F. BUSINESS GOODWILL & REPUTATION,
G. COPYRIGHT
H. CONSUMER PROTECTION RIGHTS (AS APPLICABLE – PLEASE SEE URL LIST BELOW)
4. Infringed Individual(s) / Entities : APPELLANT (COMPLAINANT’S IDENTITY PROTECTED BY COURT OF APPEAL RULING / ORDER)
5. Infringing / Violating Materials :
A. ILLEGALLY PUBLISHED PRIVATE INFORMATION / DATA / IMAGES WHICH ARE THE SUBJECT OF AN INTERLOCUTORY INJUNCTION & ALLIED REPORTING RESTRICTIONS GRANTED BY THE COURT OF APPEAL OF THE HIGH COURTS OF JUSTICE, LONDON, ENGLAND (AND THE PUBLICATION OF WHICH CONTRAVENES & VIOLATES THE TERMS OF THE SAID INJUNCTION & REPORTING RESTRICTIONS),
B. ILLEGALLY PUBLISHED PRIVATE INFORMATION / DATA / IMAGES THAT VIOLATE INTERNATIONAL & DOMESTIC DATA PROTECTION LEGISLATION & TREATIES,
C. ILLEGALLY PUBLISHED PRIVATE INFORMATION / DATA / IMAGES THAT INFRINGE THE HUMAN RIGHTS / RIGHT-TO-PRIVACY OF THE SUBJECTS OF THE RELEVANT INFORMATION / DATA / IMAGES,
D. ILLEGALLY PUBLISHED PRIVATE INFORMATION / DATA / IMAGES THAT INFRINGE THE RIGHT-OF-PUBLICITY OF THE PERTINENT SUBJECTS OF THE RELEVANT INFORMATION / DATA / IMAGES,
E. ILLEGALLY PUBLISHED PRIVATE INFORMATION / DATA / IMAGES THAT INFRINGE THE PERSONAL GOODWILL & REPUTATION OF THE SUBJECTS OF THE RELEVANT INFORMATION / DATA / IMAGES,
F. ILLEGALLY PUBLISHED PRIVATE INFORMATION / DATA / IMAGES THAT INFRINGE THE BUSINESS GOODWILL & REPUTATION OF THE SUBJECTS OF THE RELEVANT INFORMATION / DATA / IMAGES,
G. ILLEGALLY PUBLISHED PRIVATE INFORMATION / DATA / IMAGES THAT VIOLATE INTERNATIONAL & DOMESTIC CONSUMER PROTECTION LEGISLATION & TREATIES,
H. ILLEGALLY PUBLISHED PRIVATE INFORMATION / DATA / IMAGES THAT VIOLATE INTERNATIONAL & DOMESTIC HARASSMENT, MALICIOUS COMMUNICATIONS & CYBER-STALKING LEGISLATION & TREATIES,
I. ILLEGALLY PUBLISHED PRIVATE INFORMATION / DATA / IMAGES THAT VIOLATE INTERNATIONAL & DOMESTIC PROCEEDS OF CRIME & MONEY LAUNDERING LEGISLATION & TREATIES, J. ILLEGALLY PUBLISHED & PIRATED COPYRIGHT CONTENT / IMAGES THAT INFRINGE THE COMPLAINANT'S COPYRIGHT,
K. ILLEGALLY PUBLISHED PRIVATE INFORMATION / DATA / IMAGES THE PUBLICATION OF WHICH BREACHES THE ISP'S / HOST'S PUBLISHED TERMS OF SERVICE & ACCEPTABLE USE POLICY,
L. ILLEGALLY PUBLISHED PRIVATE INFORMATION / DATA / IMAGES THE PUBLICATION OF WHICH BREACHES THE INFRINGING / VIOLATING WEB SITE'S PUBLISHED TERMS OF SERVICE & ACCEPTABLE USE POLICY (AS APPLICABLE – PLEASE SEE URL LIST BELOW).
6. Infringing / Violating Activity (as applicable) :
A. PUBLICATION IN CONTEMPT OF COURT (ILLEGAL PUBLICATION, DIGITAL DISTRIBUTION & EXPLOITATION OF PRIVATE INFORMATION, DATA & IMAGES WHICH ARE THE SUBJECT OF A COURT INJUNCTION GRANTED BY THE COURT OF APPEAL, LONDON, ENGLAND AND IN DIRECT CONTRAVENTION / VIOLATION OF SUCH ORDER / INJUNCTION AND ALL RELEVANT REPORTING RESTRICTIONS RELATING THERETO)
B. HUMAN RIGHTS VIOLATIONS (VIOLATION OF INTERNATIONAL & DOMESTIC HUMAN RIGHTS LEGISLATION AND TREATIES THROUGH FAILURE TO ABIDE BY RIGHT-TO-PRIVACY PURSUANT TO, INTER ALIA, ARTICLE 8 OF THE EUROPEAN CONVENTION ON HUMAN RIGHTS & ARTICLE 1 §1 OF THE CALIFORNIA CONSTITUTION AND WAY OF THE ILLEGAL PUBLICATION, DIGITAL DISTRIBUTION & EXPLOITATION OF PRIVATE INFORMATION WHICH IS THE SUBJECT OF A COURT INJUNCTION AND IN CIRCUMSTANCES WHERE THE SUBJECTS OF SUCH INFORMATION / DATA / IMAGES HAD A REASONABLE EXPECTATION OF AND LEGAL ENTITLEMENT TO PRIVACY)
C. DATA PROTECTION VIOLATIONS (VIOLATION OF INTERNATIONAL & DOMESTIC DATA PROTECTION LEGISLATION & TREATIES THROUGH FAILURE TO ABIDE BY SUCH DATA PROTECTION LAWS AND BY WAY OF THE ILLEGAL PUBLICATION, DIGITAL DISTRIBUTION & EXPLOITATION OF PRIVATE INFORMATION WHICH IS THE SUBJECT OF A COURT INJUNCTION)
D. RIGHT-OF-PUBLICITY INFRINGEMENT (UNAUTHORIZED PUBLICATION, EXPLOITATION & DIGITAL DISTRIBUTION OF NAMES AND / OR LIKENESSES PLUS FALSE ENDORSEMENT OF THIRD PARTY GOODS & SERVICES THROUGH UNAUTHORIZED PUBLICATION, DIGITAL DISTRIBUTION & EXPLOITATION OF NAMES AND / OR LIKENESSES IN DIRECT CONJUNCTION & JUXTAPOSITION WITH UNAUTHORIZED ADVERTISING FOR SUCH THIRD PARTY GOODS & SERVICES AND / OR OTHERWISE BY WAY OF ILLEGALLY IMPLIED ENDORSEMENTS)
E. PERSONAL GOODWILL & REPUTATION INFRINGEMENT (UNAUTHORIZED EXPLOITATION OF PERSONAL GOODWILL & REPUTATION PLUS FALSE ENDORSEMENT OF THIRD PARTY GOODS & SERVICES THROUGH UNAUTHORIZED EXPLOITATION OF PERSONAL GOODWILL & REPUTATION IN DIRECT CONJUNCTION & JUXTAPOSITION WITH UNAUTHORIZED ADVERTISING FOR SUCH THIRD PARTY GOODS & SERVICES AND / OR OTHERWISE BY WAY OF ILLEGALLY IMPLIED ENDORSEMENTS)
F. BUSINESS GOODWILL & REPUTATION INFRINGEMENT (UNAUTHORIZED EXPLOITATION OF BUSINESS GOODWILL & REPUTATION PLUS FALSE ENDORSEMENT OF THIRD PARTY GOODS & SERVICES THROUGH UNAUTHORIZED EXPLOITATION OF BUSINESS GOODWILL & REPUTATION IN DIRECT CONJUNCTION & JUXTAPOSITION WITH UNAUTHORIZED ADVERTISING FOR SUCH THIRD PARTY GOODS & SERVICES AND / OR OTHERWISE BY WAY OF ILLEGALLY IMPLIED ENDORSEMENTS)
G. HARASSMENT, MALICIOUS COMMUNICATIONS & CYBER-STALKING VIOLATIONS (VIOLATION OF INTERNATIONAL & DOMESTIC HARASSMENT, MALICIOUS COMMUNICATIONS & CYBER-STALKING LEGISLATION & TREATIES THROUGH THE POSTING OF MALICIOUS COMMUNICATIONS AND OTHERWISE THROUGH THE PUBLICATION OF MATERIALS WITH THE INTENTION TO WILFULLY & MALICIOUSLY HARASS)
H. COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT (UNAUTHORIZED PUBLICATION, DIGITAL DISTRIBUTION & EXPLOITATION OF COPYRIGHT MATERIALS PLUS FALSE ENDORSEMENT OF THIRD PARTY GOODS & SERVICES THROUGH UNAUTHORIZED DIGITAL DISTRIBUTION & EXPLOITATION OF COPYRIGHT MATERIALS IN DIRECT CONJUNCTION & JUXTAPOSITION WITH UNAUTHORIZED ADVERTISING FOR SUCH THIRD PARTY GOODS & SERVICES)
I. CONSUMER PROTECTION RIGHTS VIOLATIONS (VIOLATIONS OF INTERNATIONAL & DOMESTIC CONSUMER PROTECTION LEGISLATION & TREATIES THROUGH MISLEADING AND DECEPTIVE TRADE PRACTICES & FALSE ENDORSEMENTS AND / OR THROUGH FAILURE TO PUBLISH LEGAL OWNERSHIP DETAILS OF INFRINGING / VIOLATING WEB SITE AND / OR FAILURE TO PUBLISH FULL, ADDRESS & CONTACT DETAILS FOR INFRINGING / VIOLATING WEB SITE)
J. PROCEEDS OF CRIME & MONEY LAUNDERING VIOLATIONS (VIOLATIONS OF INTERNATIONAL & DOMESTIC PROCEEDS OF CRIME & MONEY LAUNDERING LEGISLATION & TREATIES THROUGH THE HANDLING AND / OR LAUNDERING OF THE PROCEEDS OF CRIMINAL ACTIVITY)
K. BREACH OF ISP'S / HOST'S PUBLISHED TERMS OF SERVICE & ACCEPTABLE USE POLICY (BY REASON OF THE ABOVE VIOLATIONS & INFRINGEMENTS)
L. BREACH OF INFRINGING / VIOLATING WEB SITE'S PUBLISHED TERMS OF SERVICE & ACCEPTABLE USE POLICY (BY REASON OF THE ABOVE VIOLATIONS & INFRINGEMENTS) ** TRADEMARK & GENERAL RESERVATION OF RIGHTS ** ALL REGISTERED, COMMON-LAW & PENDING TRADEMARK RIGHTS ARE HEREBY STRICTLY RESERVED – AS ARE ALL OTHER RIGHTS OF AN INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY NATURE (WHETHER EXPOUNDED HEREIN OR OTHERWISE).
7. Infringing / Violating Web Site : HEADRAMBLES.COM
8. Infringing / Violating File Location(s) : http://headrambles.com/2016/05/26/cannot-be-named-in-england-and-wales/

Aha!  So it's yesterday's post they are whinging about?

Now I don't give a shite about Web Cowboys[®] as I'm not under the jurisdiction of England or Wales, and certainly not California.  I have never even heard of the vast majority of the above.

However…….

They might just start hassling the people who host my site [who don’t give a shit what I write about] and I don't want to give them any trouble.

So I have redacted the names from the wee yoke I wrote yesterday.  I'm fucked though if I'm going to trawl through cached files on all the servers in the world, as they demand.  Who the fuck do they think they are?

Of course they are going to bitch about this post too.

But there again, if they don't want the contents of their letter published they shouldn't have sent the fucking thing.

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Comments

Muzzling Grandad — 15 Comments

  1. I assume the mail was automatically generated with the programme simply filling in the relevant details?

    I was surprised at you using American slang, though – in England he was known as Elton Bog, presumably the corresponding name in Ireland would be Elton Jacks?

     

    • Harvard Business School Associate Professor Ben Edelman is the chap behind the email. Looked at several instances where he got it dead wrong. And he has again with this place.

      At the time this article was published he was running 150 computers 24 hours a day at 80 sites in nine countries. As he generates massive income, I suspect that number has risen over the past two years.

      So you're perfectly correct, what Granddad received was automatically generated with the program simply filling in the relevant details.

      In due course a human will check up on it to see if there's any money to be made. That could take a while, because he's known to be a tightwad, so he'll keep his overheads as low as possible.

      That means it'll probably be a $2.50 an hour previously redundant legal assistant in Jamaica, aged 52 and divorced, but with two grown children who married, presented her with oh so many grandchildren and still live in the family home, unemployed. In short she had to work, even if it's for a predatory arse. She gets a cut if she bags a half decent case to follow up on.

      In the meantime Granddad will probably get several follow up emails – and the last thing he does is reply to one, nor in any way give the slightest impression of guilt.

      Naturally they'll be following up on everything the GD writes and of course they'll have the emails of each and every commentator. They probably did so beforehand, so no need to worry, the web's full of robots doing very similar things.

      Anyway, read and enjoy:

      http://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2014-02-14/harvard-professor-attacking-google-thrives-as-web-sheriff 

  2. Heh! That's lovely! Thanks to that injunction, I can see that this is a story that's going to run and run. You had it absolutely right in your original post, GD. If they'd just turned the other cheek, it would have been a one day story which would be long forgotten by now. What a couple of twerps. And now they're threatening an Irish blogger. Jeez, you'd think they'd have better things to do with all that money.

    • Personally I had already forgotten about it until they raked up the shit again.  I have a short memory span, but threatening letters have a habit of lengthening it.

  3. God, you're brave, Grandad!  If I'd got an e-mail with all that tripe for an introduction, with a "click here to find out more" type of link, I'd have immediately assumed it was some vile virus – particularly with that one which has been doing the rounds supposedly containing a summons for a court appearance, which actually does contain a very nasty virus – and deleted it without even bothering to look at it!

    • But I open all my mail, and especially the attachments.  I got two today [coincidentally on the same theme as above] –

      You have six (6) days to file the answer to the attached complaint and send the original copy of it to the judge until June 2nd, 2016.
      All the documents on your case are attached to this e-mail.

      Of course I opened the attachment as I like to see what type of virus they're using.  It was a JavaScript file as I expected.  I'll send you a copy if you like, though it would fuck up your computer.  Unless of course you're using Linux like wot I am which isn't quite so vulnerable! 😈

  4. WOW, you are a very bad granddad. I suspect we shall be seeing more of this sort of shit in the future. We live in strange times after all. I'd be inclined to ignore all the crap from the 'Sheriff'. The bots will turn up loads of 'transgressing' sites. Only a fraction will be followed up. And at the end of it all is money. Extortion is a dirty word and is generally 50 pages long.    

    • I spent last night sitting on the naughty step so I consider my sins absolved.  As for suing me, I have about €3 in loose change if that's any good to them?

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