On speaking a foreign language

I happened to be in town yesterday.

It's not a place I visit regularly as it's a long journey and the parking is crap when I get there.

I was strolling along, minding my own business having completed other people's business which had been the purpose of my visit, when I noticed a vape shop.  I had seen these places before but I had always been in a hurry, but this time curiosity got the better of me.

I wandered in.

The first impression was that I was in a jewelers' shop as the walls were lined with glass cases all containing shiny things made of glass or metal, and in some cases, both.  I was beginning to think I should have stayed outside.

But a chap who had been sitting behind the counter suddenly stood up, scaring the shite out of me.  He asked if he could help. I told him I was browsing.  He asked if I was looking for anything in particular.  I told him that Herself had an electrofag and that she was always dropping the fucking thing and breaking off the mouthpiece.  I told him I spent more on superglue than I did on e-liquid.

I usually carry my yoke around in one of my pockets in case I get arrested and have to spend a long while in a no-smoker area so I produced my device which is the same as Herself's.  No, he didn't sell mouthpieces for those as they are virtually extinct these days.  Anyway he said the yoke I had was semi disposable and would only work for a couple of weeks.  I told him I had it for years.  He looked surprised.

So I decided to buy her a new one, and gritting my teeth, I told Yer Man of my decision.

He instantly started speaking a language of which I have little knowledge.  He talked of tanks and atomisers.  He talked of variable voltages and coils.  I interrupted his flow and mentioned I knew fuck all about e-cigarettes.  Whenever I am in a technical establishment I always feign complete ignorance.  In the past, I have completely demolished computer sales people when they start bullshitting me.  But in fairness, Yer Man talked plain English and explained without the slightest hint of impatience what each yoke did what.

Next he dumped a load of different gizmos all over the counter.  Before I could get at them he started removing them again one by one – too expensive, too complicated, too advanced.  It is rare to get someone who doesn't try to sell the most expensive?  We were left with three and I chose one.  I asked him what would happen if I flung it at the wall.  He said it would smash, which was honest?  When I discovered the price, I bought two.  Spares are always handy.  He refused to sell me batteries because he said the ones I had were fine.

So for sheer honesty and decent service I'd go there again

I didn't tell him who I was.

To be honest, I find that look of disbelief, followed by awe advancing to absolute reverence a little bit embarrassing.



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On speaking a foreign language — 4 Comments

  1. So which shiny new toy did you end up buying, GD? And how much was it? I've got a couple of EGO-T (? I think – I never really took that much notice) which I ordered from a company in UK. I don't actually use them much – hardly ever, in fact, but they still work ok, and are fairly light and discreet. The batteries (1000 mA) seem to last well, even though they are a few years old now. I think I paid about thirty quid or so – maybe thirty five. All these sub-ohm jobbies I wouldn't have a fucking clue about. Like you say, it's a foreign language.

    The only thing that slightly annoys me about the e-cigs I have is that unless they are stored vertically with the mouthpiece up, they tend to leak a bit, and that e-liquid is really sticky. I have to be careful how I carry mine when I take it with me on a long-haul flight (so I can have a crafty vape en route) otherwise I end up with stickiness in my carry-on.

    • OK, so you start off by gibbering in that foreign language and expect a lucid response?  What the hell is "sub-ohm"?  What's the difference between a 1000mA and a car battery?

      The yoke I bought was/is an Airflo Mini Tank [according to the box].  It seems solid enough though I haven't tried flinging at the wall yet.  €15, but you'll see that for yourself if you follow the link.

      I shall sit back now and await a torrent of comments telling I bought the wrong yoke and should have bought a yada yada yada……..

  2. Ah, looks like an updated (and better) version of mine, as it has replaceable atomisers (whatever they are – what turns the liquid into vape, I guess).

    I'm sure the committed vapers will snigger at the things we use, and tell you that you should have bought some other exotica, but mine works ok, as I'm sure yours does.

    The one thing I really don't get is all the weird flavours that vapers rave about. Custard cream? Bubble gum? WTF? Admittedly, the 'tobacco' flavours are disgusting (they really haven't got that one yet), but fucking custard cream? Yeeuch! I used to quite like menthol fags years ago, so I use a menthol e-liquid which I find acceptable. Like a menthol fag without the fag, if you know what I mean. Which I suppose is why I'm a part-time vaper. It's the fag bit that I like most.

    • He did say something about atomic things being replaceable.  I assume that is nothing nuclear?

      As for flavours, Herself likes Menthol, which I admit is pleasurable enough, though I would be tempted to try spearmint.  Custard creams?  Red Bull?  Coca Cola?  Fuck that for a game of soldiers!  Now if they came up with a really decent Condor flavour…………

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