The Sign of the Wanker

Evil, degrading, addictive, harmful

A public health crisis.

So another "public health crisis" is rearing its ugly head, to add to the long list of tobacco, fat, sugar, alcohol and all the rest?

So what exactly is this new "crisis"?

Yes, folks, it's PORN.

I am familiar with pornography.  Who isn't these days?  I ignore it because the sight of a couple grinding and groaning on a small screen doesn't interest me, just as watching a cookery programme doesn't satiate my hunger or satisfy my taste buds.  It's easy enough to avoid – just don't go looking for it.

Many many years ago, I was in London with a few friends.  This was before the Interweb age  and one of the group was desperate to see a porn film.  So we headed over to Soho, found a cinema and went in.  There were two films on show [I mercifully can’t remember their names] and we walked out after about ten minutes [much to the enthusiast’s disgust] because the film was intensely tedious and boring.  There is only so much grinding, groaning and sweat that a man can take.

Apparently however, pornography is “a public health hazard” that can result in wide-ranging harm to individuals and society at large".

Now this conjures up some rather disturbing images in my mind.  Are people whacking off at the side of the road in the state of Utah?  Are they discarding their used tissues and old socks in the gutters?  If not, then how is it a public health issue?  How is it harming society at large?

What about the cheeeldren I hear them cry?  What about them?  Kids will look for porn because they are curious.  Internet porn is just the modern equivalent of underwear brochures and Health & Efficiency Magazine.  They will watch and snigger and then move on to something else.  It saves a lot on the old Birds and Bees lectures?

I have a theory.  It's only a theory mind, but nevertheless it's mine.  My theory is that those who decry pornography the most are those who are hooked on the stuff and are desperate to have it removed at any cost.  Their wrists are shot from Repetitive Strain Injury, the carpet of their computer room is stiff and caked, and they just want to stop.  They suffer major pangs of guilt and the only way to purge their secret passion is to publicly denounce the practice.

So next time Todd Weiler is out and about, just watch closely.

Does he walk like John Wayne? 

Does his breathing rate increase at the sight of a woman?

Does he disappear into the gents' toilet every ten minutes and come out sweating?

Does he always carry a box of tissues?

Is his wrist inflamed and painful?

I wonder…..

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The Sign of the Wanker — 17 Comments

  1. Well, I don't know. I agree with almost everything you write. But I'm not sure about the modern porn.

    When I was young, watching, seeing, looking at porn entailed effort. It was clandestine. Unless you had loads of money, there was little chance of getting addicted because there was not enough around for ordinary mortals to view porn very often.

    Nowadays, it's everywhere. I'm not sure if my grandchildren watch on their phones/tablets under the blankets in their rooms like we used to read scuffed, well thumbed little magazines by torchlight.

    There were so many strings attached to the old porn, like borrowing material from friends, going out, sharing with others, arranging "do''s" , borrowing movie projectors, screens, buying snacks and booze to organise a secret showing in someone's home,  everyone "being together" in fact.

    Today's porn is bright, brassy, loud, brash and in-your-face with detail.

    And violence.

    A solitary occupation.

    And easily available at the touch of the screen.

    Who needs a relationship anymore when you can just wank away in the company of your phone?

    No wonder youngsters are becoming addicted to it.

    Its an easy, free way for a high – as many times as you like!

    All by yourself.

    Harmful? Yes, I think so.

    • I have great difficulty with the concept of porn being addictive.  I suppose I can understand the idea of a quick wrist flick in the secrecy of the attic room, but saying it is addictive implies not being able to survive without it?  There again I can't understand an addiction to gambling so maybe I'm the wrong person to comment.

      And there is a word of difference between porn and a proper relationship.  Anyone who has watched porn and expects life to be the same is in for a very rude awakening. 

      What really spurred me to put pen to paper finger to key was the idea that porn is a "public health crisis" which frankly it isn't.  It is typical of the hysteria that is pumped out on a daily basis.

  2. Porn is vicarious pleasure, like watching a TV ad of someone licking an ice lolly. Real lovemaking within the sanctity of married bliss is warm; and real twopenny ice lollies are cool in summer. Real warmth and real coolness have their flaws of course, but as Confucius says: Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without.

  3. I have to agree with you, GD, in that porn does get boring very quickly. See one, you've seen 'em all, basically. It's only sad fuckers who can't establish a proper relationship who get addicted, I would imagine.

    I actually have no problem with porn, and I remember many years ago a German neighbour of mine had a huge collection, some of which was really very amusing. One that I particularly remember was a French tape (this was in the days of VHS), and was entitled "Sex Olympics" or some such. There were several international teams (couples) who would try to outdo each other in various aspects of intimacy. It was a hoot – one of the funniest videos I've seen. The wheelbarrow race (while coupled) was particularly entertaining!

    And I also agree that those who worry most about it and try to ban it are probably the ones who can't stay away from it. "Get thee from me, Satan" sort of thing.

    • The Wheelbarrow Race sounds interesting?  Not that it would leave much to the imagination….  Must check to see if it's on YouTube.

      I have become heartily sick of these people trying to ban anything and everything that meets with their disapproval.  The worst advocates are those that fear their own demons.

  4. Porn is not addictive only the terminally prudish would say so.

    Humans like all animals are geared toward sex and reproduction and it is pleasurable for humans to engage in it.

    If you can't get it then watching some one else do it is the next best thing.

    It's not evil.

    The romans had pornographic wall murals and even medieval society had hand drawn porn on parchment. 

    So enough of the "it's dirty" "it's violent" "it degrades women" and practioners and users are some how subhuman or sad.  It's a Victorian idea and should have been taken in hand a long time ago.

    This world is returning to some kind of puritanical ideal which never really existed. Those who exhort against sexuality and porn are in fact I suggest in need of some therapy themselves.

  5. Judging from a report I saw the other day the porn industry's well aware that it's them that preach against it that watch the most.

    You might have seen that they're passing some anti-gay laws in a few US states, and pop stars and the like have been cancelling concerts in those states in protest. But the funniest response I've seen is from one of the big online porn sites, who have cut off all access to their site from within those states until the god-bothering wankers drop the laws. I'm idly wondering if they've noticed that they get a lot of watchers from IP addresses linked to churches or something!

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