The real Patty’s Day

We are coming to that time of year when a lot of Americans celebrate Patty's Day as can be seen by the proliferation of the Twitter "hashtag" #pattysday which flows in abundance around this time.

I had never heard of this phenomenon until a few years ago, and I find it very strange?  Is it somehow related to Pancake Tuesday I asked myself? 

I checked Webster's, and sure enough patty is in there and is defined as "a little pie" or "a small flat cake of chopped food" or indeed as "a small flat candy".  So why in the name of all that's holy would anyone want to dedicate a day to a little pie?

I decided to do some research.

Indeed there is [or was] a Patty.  He was born in the Shires in England, back in the fifteenth century [actual date and location unknown] and was quite unremarkable as a child.  As he grew into adulthood though things started to go wrong for him.  He found he had no interest in the fairer sex [or indeed the other sex] and had an unnatural predilection for young children and in particular young boys.  He was frequently to be spotted patting little boys and girls on the head [or the arse] which may have been the origin of his name

He would groom his victims, bring them into the nearby woods on the promise of some pies [an alternative possible origin of his name?]  whereupon he would give them a right buggering, or rogering as we call it in these parts.  He was frequently accompanied by his only adult friend Porn, who would proceed to sketch Patty in full exquisitely detailed action and would then sell his sketches in the local taverns [He called them Pornographs, which would eventually become quite a thriving industry].

Naturally Patty was eventually caught and on the 17th of March he was hanged drawn and quartered and his balls rammed down his throat.

So to this day, he is widely celebrated on the anniversary of his death by paedophiles, perverts and a lot of clergy, so If ever you see someone on Twitter refer to Patty's Day, well, you know what kind of person you're dealing with!

Patty's Day has fuck all to do with Paddy's Day though.

That's a completely different thing.

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The real Patty’s Day — 2 Comments

  1. A lot of things to do with St. Patrick's Day are fake anyway. Firstly it was Irish Americans in Philadelphia and other cities in the late 19th century who invented the St. Patrick's Day parades. They were asserting their presence in America then in the face of ethnic discrimination. Any public statues of St. Patrick are fakes, because they show him in episcopal clothing that didn't exist during his time in Ireland. While trekking through the wild forests of ancient Eire he would have needed a rough walking stick made from ash or hawthorn, instead of an ornate crozier,  to beat his way through the thick undergrowth, and also to ward off assaults by wolves and wild Irishmen – and sandals would have been useless to protect his feet. Any banners decorated with clover are also fake, because clover has 4 petals whereas the shamrock symbolising the Trinity has 3 petals. Paddy hats were also invented by Irish Americans, and seem to be the preferred headgear of tipsy German tourists in Dublin for the Temple Bar 'craic'. And if I see any leprechauns I'll cast a Druidic spell on them.

    • It's a bit like Santa and his big red cloak!  Things like the floppy hats and the inflated hammers [where the fuck did they come from?] are just an irritation and I ignore them.  They are actually handy for marking out tourists.  But the Patty's Day thing just shows that those who use it haven't a fucking clue what they're on about.  They're certainly not Irish.

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