In the land of Hypochondria

The obsession with health seems to be hitting new highs [or lows].

I came across an article last night which would give orgasms to those fanatically concerned with their health.

High-tech ways of managing your health on the horizon.

These people are having a laugh?  Right?  Please tell me that's so?

What kind of narcissistic neurotic wants to wear a shirt that monitors their vital signs all the time?  What kind of fucking twat need a bed to tell them how they slept during the night?  What moron needs a device that is "able to detect your emotions in real time"? 

Jesus wept!

Do these people not know how they slept or how they feel?  Why the fuck would I need a watch [or whatever it is] that tells me I'm in a bad mood, and even worse gives suggestions for getting out of that mood?  Are people really so fucking thick that they have to rely on technology to nag them about their health and fitness all the time?

The whole concept of having a mirror to check your shape [and nag you accordingly]  or shoes to nag you if you're walking at the wrong pace is quite frankly in itself sick.

We have a blood pressure monitor in the house.  We rarely use it.  It is, as far as I am aware the only piece of medical monitoring in the house.  I found a thermometer at the back of a drawer the other day that we have probably had since our kid was a kid.  It probably doesn't work any more.  I left it in the drawer.  There is a weighing scales in the bathroom but someone kicked it behind the toilet, and there it stays.

I know very well how I sleep.  If I have a bad night, I will more than likely make up for it the next night.  If I'm in a bad mood I know it and don't need any lump of electronics to tell me.  I'll go out and lob a brick at someone and I'll feel better.  A nice low-tech solution?  If my heart does anything weird, doubtless I'll be aware of it at the same time as my shirt, and it's very unlikely that my shirt can do anything about it.

There are people who would potentially benefit from these gimmicks such as those who already have a dodgy ticker but they thankfully are a very small minority. 

The rest are just obsessed with their "healthy lifestyle" as if it is the be all and end all of life.  They don't smoke or drink.  They shovel their vitamins and supplements down their neck.  They carefully count their calories and follow all the latest food fads.  They spend their time jogging or cycling.  Every single action is prefixed by "is it healthy?". 

And in the end, they die just like the rest of us.

They should just wake up and smell the fucking roses.

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In the land of Hypochondria — 6 Comments

  1. I gave up smoking at the new year  The £4.75 per day which I would have wasted is now invested in a bottle of Shiraz and a potnoodle. So Big Tobacco is in effect buying my breakfast and supper. This makes more sense than buying some gadget that tells me I'm unfit since I can see it for myself. The only persons who really needed to care about fitness were galley slaves with a "keep rowing or get thrown overboard" contract. For everyone else, as long as you can lift 30kg and  run up two flights of stairs, it's fine not to obsess with racial health brainwashing techniques designed to shift gadgetry by selling you a part-share in your own unclothed reflection.

    • The only reason I would quit smoking is as a last ditch attempt to save the finances, but seeing as the gubmint is paying for them [they don't know that!] I'm quite happy to continue.  I like my sugar and salt and tonight I plan on doing a nice fry-up.  I have a car to avoid any exercise.  I am now nearer 70 than 60 and have every intention in carrying on as I am without breaking into a sweat.  Life is good and I don't need any fucking technology to tell me that!

  2. Creating anxiety about health and healthy diets is a bestselling strategy of snake oil peddlers, fitness experts and nutrition mercenaries, especially the ones who write articles for magazines and newspapers. I knew a retired old soldier who once a week asked the barman in the local to break a raw egg into a pint bottle and pour him a nice cream pint. He lived to 80 and was given a military funeral. I'm just giving visitors to this website a simple diet guaranteed to keep them healthy – absolutely free, no catch. Just don't get run over by a double-decker bus. 

    • As Doc says – never quit something if it makes you happy, as being contented adds years whereas being discontented wil knock years off.  He should know – he's a vet doctor!

  3. Grandad,

    There's  a new app coming for your smartphone, Am I Dead Yet. Press the button and it presents you with one of two messages – No, you're not – or – Yes, you are.

    The release date has been delayed as the programmers are re-writing the code as they realized they could save space on your phone by doing away with the 'Yes, you are' message.

    • Wow!  I see you have been giving this some thought

      Maybe I should start thinking about a similar version here?  Our gubmint loves spending money on technology, such as the brilliant electronic voting machines [running Windows 95, I think] that not only cost God knows how many millions but then cost us more millions every year storing the damned things because a) they didn't work, and b) they couldn't find anyone foolish enough to buy them.

      They would just love "Am I Dead Yet".

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