Happy days

It's that time of year again.

Everyone is going around wishing a Happy Christmas and a Merry New Year [or is it a Merry Christmas and a Happy New year?  I can never remember].

I don't really believe in that.  I know it's tradition and all that and it's harmless enough but I still have my reservations.

You see, if I wish you a Happy Christmas then there is the implication that I don't wish you a Happy Every Other Day Of The Year.  In fact it could be construed that I wish you a miserable year with the exception of one day, which is not just mean, it's downright nasty.

I'm an easy going chap and wish the best for everybody every day [with the possible exceptions of the Puritans, that fucker up the valley with his noisy motorbike who insists on driving up and down the road at top volume all the time and the fucking cunt who keeps dumping rubbish over the fence into my garden].  But it would seem a little daft if I spent my days going around wishing everyone a Happy Day, as sooner or later they would think I was a little simple, or worse.  So I omit the Happy Day shit and hope people understand it is implicit in the Hi, or Howya or Hello which is the way I actually greet them.

All that leaves me in a bit of a quandary though.  When people wish me the season's greetings, how to I reply?  I usually reply in like manner which makes me a little uneasy, but then I suppose that's my problem for being a little pedantic?

So Happy Sunday everyone.

Except of course for the Puritans, that fucker up the valley with his noisy motorbike who insists on driving up and down the road at top volume all the time and the fucking cunt who keeps dumping rubbish over the fence into my garden.

I hope they have a fucking miserable year.

Puritans Office PartyThe Puritans' Office Party

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Happy days — 19 Comments

      • On reflection, GD, that comment was rather "off", so allow me to explain the reason.

        In addition to nisikaman's comment:

        I do find this 'Happy Christmas' business a little tiresome, as I do all false bonhomie. Because for the most part, the people saying it aren't really hoping you have a happy Christmas, it's just being trotted out by rote

        I'm not religious, so the traditional meaning of Christmas is largely lost on me, and (if the figures we read are anything to go by) most of the rest of the population as well. It's just become synonymous with excess in all departments, i.e. people spend money they don't have on crap they give to others who will probably have forgotten about it within a few days. Industrial quantities of booze are consumed, leading to massive hangovers, and the inevitable arguments or worse. I invariably have to do the driving, and don't even get the opportunity to have a small glass of cider, so it's no fun when everyone else is having a good time. Christmas now seems to be mainly for the benefit of "The Cheeldrun" – who get far too much attention, in my opinion. Why the fcuk should a six year old expect their own iPad, when I would have been grateful to get some extra parts for my Meccano set?  There are other family and personal aspects adding to my lack of enthusiasm at the moment, and this grouchy old sod is feeling a dose of "Stop the world, I want to get off", hence my earlier comment.

        Apologies to all.


        • I couldn't agree with you more.  It's the frenetic spend spend spend frenzy that hits us from all sides where we are expected to get heavily in dept to buy things we don't really want or need.  There is a family acquaintance [not too well off] who, a couple of years ago HAD to buy three iPads for her three kids simply because the kids had demanded them.  Fucking insane.  In my day I would probably get a simple Airfix kit and be over the moon.


  1. I went through a similar thought process some years ago and came to the conclusion that my response to such time specific well wishes would come in the shape of, "Happy new second", repeated relentlessly on a second by second basis. Fortunately, for all involved, I never did get around to carrying out my proposal.

    • You'd want to be careful there as wishing someone happy seconds implies wishing them ill on all the microseconds in between?  I imagine your proposal would lead to lockjaw at the very least.  Better to stay quiet.

  2. Christmas and New Years are special days of the year as is the winter solstice.  Now even though I wish you and yours well everyday, I will also wish you a Merry Christmas and a happy New Year as well as a happy shortest day of the year.

  3. I do find this 'Happy Christmas' business a little tiresome, as I do all false bonhomie. Because for the most part, the people saying it aren't really hoping you have a happy Christmas, it's just being trotted out by rote.

    Here in Greece, we get it at Easter, too, Easter being bigger than Christmas in the Greek Orthodox calendar. Fortunately, it's considered quite acceptable to respond with just the word επίσης (epeesis), which means 'also', so I don't have to get into any round-robins of season's greetings.

    I'm not really misanthropic, I just find it so terribly insincere.

    • This is a tricky subject because it does sound like a drop of Bah Humbug, but I agree that there is a tinge of artificiality.  It's a bit like "have a nice day" – better than "fuck off" but still a bit twee.  I must just practice my επίσης so…….

  4. Being a little deaf, I like this time of year.   When someone shouts something from the other side of the road, I can reply, "And you", without fear of a black eye.


  5. Even though I'm not particularly religious in any way, shape or form, and though I don't believe in any sort of deity, I do really enjoy Christmas. I'm not going to try to explain why because I really don't know myself–I just do. It's certainly not because of the presents since my  wife and I don't exchange any since we buy each other presents all year around so why bother with Christmas presents?

    I even wish folks Merry Christmas and if that offends them I simply tell them it's the thought not the actual holiday. Then I'll tell them that I hold doors open for women in hopes that will offend them as well.

    So Happy Winter Solstice, Merry Christmas and I hope you have an excellent New year. So there.

    And about the cunt that throws her garbage over the fence into your garden? Two words…

    …spud launcher.

    • The one thing that spoils Christmas for me is the whole commercialism aspect and the tedious length of the run-up period.  Strip that off and leave a celebration of midwinter and I'm fine.  As one who hates dark nights, winter rain and wind, not to mention the cold, the simple prospect of longer days cheers me up immensely.  I might add that most people around here feel much the same so there is a general air of merriment around the place.

      I first came across spud launchers / spud guns in an episode of House MD.  A brilliant concept.  As soon as I saw it I said I wanted one, so maybe now is the time to start building?

      • Build away, sir. All can be done with PVC piping and a bit of PVC glue. 6" diameter firing barrel with screw off back and piezoelectric trigger (the button type you find on propane fired barbecue grills) to a 4" diameter compression barrel (optional) to a 3" diameter" 4' to 5' long "rifle" barrel. You spray WD40 into the back of the firing barrel (or any other highly combustible spray, like hospital grade disinfectant, screw the back on, set on your shoulder and hit the trigger. The one we built at a company I worked for could fire a high speed "Idaho" class spud-jectile over a half a mile. Oh, and don't forget the ramming stick with a red band painted on it at the "don't ram any farther" point. An old wooden broom stick or a large diameter dowel works well for this

        We also built a stainless steel rutabaga mortar. Worked well. Took out our office trailer but we won't talk about that. Anyway, there's plenty of plans on the WWW.

        As far as commercialism goes…when was the last time you watched "A Charlie Brown Christmas"? 50 year anniversary of that half hour Christmas "Peanuts" cartoon holiday special (30 minutes including commercials that is) and Charlie was complaining about "all the commercialism" even back in 1965.

        At least no one got trampled to death at the Black Friday opening of Walmart this year?

        • Bloody hell! That puts my experiments with firing a large plastic drinks bottle, using compressed air, into perspective…  From memory (and I'm talking 40 odd years ago), the method was to part fill the bottle with water, then tightly insert a rubber bung (nicked from the school chemistry lab) which was modified with a car type Schrader valve. This was fixed to an adjustable support, and the compressor connected. Depending on the angle, amount of water, and how hard I was able to insert the bung (which increased the eventual pressure when the two parted company), the bottle would cross the road and clear the street light cables the other side…

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