I fried up a lovely dinner last night.
Sausages, back rashers, mushrooms, black pudding and topped off with fried eggs.
All were cooked to the point of crispiness as for fries, I tend to whack the hotplate up to maximum to burn the fuck out of the ingredients.
Of course I knew about the impending startling announcement from the WHO, and did I give it a thought while eating my delicious meal? Did I fuck!
So my fry-up last night was as dangerous as smoking? What a load of bollox. Of course I can easily twist their logic and say that smoking is no more dangerous than a Sunday Roast? I could go with that.
The world is divided into three groups.
The first group will read the WHO report and have a right laugh, and I include myself in that group. I shall carry on with my processed [and incinerated] meat because a like a square meal and consider these scary researches to be the greatest load of cock-waffle.
The second group is the vast majority of the earths population who won't give a flying fuck one way or another. Why should this scary report be any scarier that all the hundred of previous scary reports? They won't even see the report and will continue with their eating, smoking and drinking habits until they die of a ripe old age.
Then there is the third group. These are the poor saps who believe every single thing they read in the tabloids. They generally haven't got two brain cells to rub together and are the very definition of gullible. They of course will fly into a right panic and turn Vegan overnight. They will forget all those burgers and salamis they have consumed in the past and will presume that meat has only become carcinogenic from the moment the WHO made its pronouncement. Sadly this group is the most likely to die early from sheer anxiety.
But seriously, why do they bother with these daft announcements? What do they hope to achieve? Man has been eating cooked meat since the discovery of fire. Shortly after that, our ancestors discovered that salt and smoking are excellent ways of preserving that meat. We have been eating processed meat for millennia so what is so different now?
And where do we go from here? Are we going to discover that farts recycle the meat carcinogens, thereby giving us second-hand meat? Is the WHO going to announce that the only safe food is the blackberries we pick out of the hedgerows [after they have been detoxified of all traces of insecticide, exhaust residue and radioactive fallout]?
I have only one good thing to say about the Who.