I am to become a Council Member

Once again I have been blessed.

My great friend and mentor Supershadow has once more graced my inbox.

Naturally, as seems to be the custom, he starts by belting me over the head with a light-saber.

Once again Grandad you have taken my message and twisted it.

Now that's not strictly true.  I always print your messages verbatim, and even include the spelling, grammar and punctuation exactly as you send without any corrections.  Now if you had said that my interpretation of your message was twisted I might [or might not] agree.

I Quote in particular the line:

"For the sake of those who haven't read SS's mail, he essentially says that the plan is to have all women barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen."

This is nothing but scurrilous tabloid drivel dished out again from you on your ranting/raving blog

First of all how dare you sir accuse the jedi of being in anyway impartial based on gender.

Now what your original mail said was [and I quote] – "Unfortunately in a future Jedi World Order Women will be required to return to the role of reproduction, in particular the role of sustainable reproduction of Pure Jedi with near 1:1 midiclorine blood."

Correct me if I am wrong but you are saying that women will be required to return to the role of reproduction. Now this sounds rather like a drop of coercion to me?  You even say "unfortunately" which means you know it's not exactly right.  You want women to become breeding machines and I say you want them pregnant.  See?  We agree.

The jedi have been at the forefront of women's emancipation and galactic peace since 1977. For your information, yes the jedi will require women in a majority for the role of breeding pure jedi- BUT THIS IS AN ELECTIVE DECISION ON BEHALF OF WOMEN – jedi studies have shown (based on female star wars fan focus groups) that most women would sacrifice their careers for the honor of producing pure jedi offspring.

Ah come on now!  You're backsliding.  Now you are saying women will be volunteering, but are still saying they are "required".  Is this some kind of voluntary law?  You force them but in reality they are gagging for it?  Sounds like a bad defense in a rape case to me?

The people are screaming for global leadership. I want to be beacon for humanity, one nation one world under the banner of eco-jedism.

I don't think that global leadership is what they want.  Just the opposite in fact.

You raise the question in one of your articles about a sith lord being a member of jedi councils?
First of all do not take the movies as canon. Lucas admits theological mistakes in the films.
remember a sith lord is nothing more than a dark jedi, but a jedi non the less.

Ah!  Now this is where I start to get confused.  You base a faith on a series of films, and then say that the films are not to be taken as canon?  And I am assuming that Jedi = Good, Sith = Bad?  But a Sith is still a Jedi?  This is doing my head in.

By having equal sith and good jedi on the council there is a greater chance of balance in the force.

As stated there are many ways to bring balance to the force such as:

  1. Appropriate/Inappropriate balancing.
  2. Non lethal Jostling (where a jedi and a sith lord duel with light sabers – must be from the same jedi council)
  3. Reduction of carbon footprint
  4. supporting global initiatives for world peace. One world no enemies.

I'm not sure if I have got this right, but this talk of appropriate/inappropriate balancing means that you want good and evil to coexist to balance each other?  If that's the case then I don't know why I am getting such stick.  You are the ultimate in good and apparently I am the ultimate in evil so we make the perfect couple?  I would have thought that my place on the council is assured?

The new film will be released later this year. This is your opportunity for redemption grandad. When this film hits the screens its important grandad that you get your grand children to see this film. and then I would ask you to do the following: Get them to go to every showing of the film (morning show and night). Obviously they will have to take the time off school. they will learn the meaning of perseverance and dedication. Years from now they will thank you for it.Trust me grandad. I ensure my nephews watch the entire saga at least once a week. (Thats 12 hrs straight true). They seem always delighted to see me arriving.

I really, honestly don't know what to say to that.  Poor grandkids [I’ll let you decide whether I’m talking about yours or mine].

This is your final opportunity grandad. Being the worlds no. 1 star wars fan I simply dont have time to be writing to you about your blog.

Please don't go, SS.  I'd miss you.  I don't have time to be writing here either but I manage somehow.  Pretty please?  With a cherry on top?

remember the jedi ideals: that is, one size fits all – if the shoe don't fit..reshape the foot, Appropriateness over righteousness, Balance of the force over selfish individual needs. One world under the supreme jedi council.

Damn!  You really do need me on that council.  Shape the foot to fit the shoe?  Sounds painful.

So when do I get my seat?  How does it work?  Will I be beamed up, or do I have to wait for an invite in the post? 

Incidentally, when we do finally meet I would ask you very politely not to whip out your light-saber.

It could lead to all sorts of trouble.

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I am to become a Council Member — 5 Comments


    Why do I have the feeling that storks and gooseberry bushes are involved in this idiots understanding of human reproduction.

    • I haven't a clue how a Sith or a Jedi reproduces, and quite frankly, i'm not sure I want to know.  Presumably it involves a force somewhere……

  2. I don't think that bloke's communications come by email, I think he is sending you letters from the clinic in which he is held. I have met saner people in locked wards!

  3. You won't be beamed up. That's the other extremely popular sci-fi thingy called Star Trek you see.

    Anyway, I'll be more than glad to pledge myself to the promotion of the new Jedi order by servicing all females of an impregnable age that have a high midi-chlorian count. As long as they're good-looking and of my own species that is.

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