The Screwing List

There has been a joke doing the rounds for the last couple of days.

Anyone who mentioned it promptly collapsed, laughing like a demented hyena.

The joke is that Ireland is the Best Country in the World.

I thought I had better investigate.

Sure enough, I found the report.  To my surprise they weren't just comparing Ireland with Iraq but had indeed included quite a few other well known countries as well.  So how the blue fuck could Ireland be the best?

Countries are judged under various criteria and I noticed that Ireland, as well as being the overall winner was also top of the lot when it came to Prosperity and Equality.  WHAT?  We have thousands being thrown out on the road because their mortgages are in arrears.  Our suicide and emigration rates are through the roof.  People can't wait to get out of the godforsaken kip because they can't afford to live here.  Even the good old US of A [the land of freedom and prosperity] only comes a miserable 53rd in this category so how in blazes are we number one?

Then I looked at the sub-categories.

There was nothing there about income, or minimum wage.  There was no mention at all about the cost of living. They didn't even hint at the price of fags or a pint.  All they rabbit on about are "UN Volunteers Abroad" [what the fuck?] "FDI Outflows" [whatever the fuck they are] and a couple of items that have nothing to do with Prosperity or Equality.

Then I looked at Health and Wellbeing.

This one was even better.  No mention of waiting lists in hospitals.  Not a whisper about the staggering cost of medicines.  This one gushes on about "Food Aid", "Pharmaceutical Exports" and "Voluntary Excess Donations to the WHO".

It was around this time I began to cop on as to what they were on about.  To be sure, I checked under Culture.  Surely there would be a mention of Nobel Prizes or Riverdance? What about Jedward and the Eurovision?  But all they were worried about were exports and "UNESCO dues in arrears as % of contribution".

What this list is is a measure of what good little boys we are in Ireland.  We pay our dues.  We export a lot.  We sign or UN Treaties.  We pay tons of foreign aid.  We are politically correct.

Or to put it another way, it shows we are the most screwed people in the world.

I think I'll move to Libya.

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The Screwing List — 14 Comments

  1. We must cobble together a representative (i.e. no fecking politicians) national delegation to go on an international tour of key countries. The objective of this project will be to convince the International Community that Ireland is in fact the Least Happy Country on God's Earth. Members of the delegation will picket key buildings like the Berlyamont in Brussels, the UN in New York, the Great Hall of the People in Beijing's TiananamenSquare (just make sure there are no tanks around), the FAO headquarters in Rome and the Rue de Londres  and la Plage des Naturistes in sunny Cannes with banners and placards of robust assertion about Irish national unhappiness. Articulate delegates will get invited on to television chat shows, including the Early Early show in North Korea. The military governments in Pakistan and DC Congo must be convinced that the Irish are Most Unhappy and that their considered advice on Happiness Creation Strategies is urgently invited. We must ban forthwith all silly Paddy hats, shamrock symbols, red-headed colleens dancing at Bunratty Castle and Presidential Goodwill Greetings to the exiles on St. Patrick's Day. As a symbol of enterprise and in the spirit of job creation a factory should produce two million rubber Sour Faces for citizens to wear in the presence of foreign tourists who clutter the beaches with cans of beer and soggy sandwiches during the rainswept months of July and August. Let's get real and make the deluded world sit up.

    • Frankly I don't think the world gives a shit. 

      I really can't see the point in this.  Is this a beacon for gubmints to show how they can further extort their citizens in order to impress a tacky chart?

  2. What is Ireland or any other country for that matter?

    "A nation with its own government, occupying a particular territory",


    Middle English: from Old French cuntree, from medieval Latin contrata (terra) '(land) lying opposite', from Latin contra 'against, opposite'.

    What is a Nation?

    A large body of people united by common descent, history, culture, or language, inhabiting a particular state or territory:


    Middle English: via Old French from Latin natio(n-), from nat- 'born', from the verb nasci.

    What is a territory?

    An area of land under the jurisdiction of a ruler or state:

    late Middle English: from Latin territorium, from terra 'land'. The word originally denoted the district surrounding and under the jurisdiction of a town or city, specifically a Roman or provincial city.

    What is a state?

    A nation or territory considered as an organized political community under one government:


    Middle English (as a noun): partly a shortening of estate, partly from Latin status 'manner of standing, condition' (see status). The current verb senses date from the mid 17th century.



    Why do you Irish folk perservere with such a perverse and insane language as English?


  3. Hows this for pure unadultered bullshit?

    "Today as never before, we desperately need a world made of good countries. We will only get them by demanding them: from our leaders, our companies, our societies, and of course from ourselves."

    Simon Anholt

    "Simon Anholt is an independent policy advisor who helps national, regional and city governments develop and implement strategies for enhanced economic, political and cultural engagement with other countries.

    He collaborates frequently with multilateral institutions including the United Nations, NATO, the World Bank and the European Union."

    Weren't collaborators shot in the not too distant past?

    • Simon Anholt can take his fucking "good countries" and stuff them up his arse. 

      It's a long time since I heard such unadulterated festering horseshit. 

      I retract – that's an insult to horseshit.

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