Of noise and nose

Our Penny is a strange dog.

I don’t think I have ever come across a dog like her.

Apart from being incredibly lazy, incredibly fast and incredibly dim, she is also incredibly quiet.

As watchdogs go, she is fucking useless.  The most she will do if someone rings the front doorbell is to laconically raise an eyebrow before going back to sleep.  Yet when darkness comes, she has the strange habit of going out, sitting bang in the middle of the lawn and then throwing barks at the four quarters of the compass.  Weird.

If she wants to gain our attention she has one of two methods.  If she knows we are looking, she’ll wag her tail.  Fair enough.  But if we aren’t looking, she has the disconcerting habit of creeping up behind us and giving us a very sharp prod with her nose.

The nose is her weapon of choice.  If I ignore her, she’ll prod me.  If I’m walking, she likes to walk behind me and prod each leg in turn as I stride.  If she is following me downstairs, she’ll do her damndest to goose me.  After a long walk, the back of my legs can get quite sore.  It doesn’t look it, but her nose is fucking sharp.

ThoughtfulPenny
Weapon of Mass Disruption

She’s at her quietest in the car.  I’m not allowed go anywhere without her, but once in the car she just lies down on the back seat and I forget she is even there.   The only time she comes to life is when I park the car, whereupon she plonks her arse in the driver’s seat and waits quietly until I return.  As soon as I return, she climbs back onto the back seat and goes back to sleep again.

Laziness personified.

Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterShare on StumbleUponDigg thisPin on PinterestShare on RedditShare on Tumblr

Comments

Of noise and nose — 21 Comments

  1. "Yet when darkness comes, she has the strange habit of going out, sitting bang in the middle of the lawn and then throwing barks at the four quarters of the compass."  D'ya think it translates to "Please someone, anyone, get me the fuck outta here !"

    • Could be?  But then why does she hang around when the gate is wide open?  Maybe she's telling the world what a wonderful home she has?

  2. "Yet when darkness comes, she has the strange habit of going out, sitting bang in the middle of the lawn and then throwing barks at the four quarters of the compass"..  I do something similar myself..  when darkness comes, I sit on the lawn, pointing down to the crotch area repeatedly and winking at male passers by, saying "how about it?"   
    She's just horny GD.  She's gone lethargic due to the lack of action.  Definitely.

  3. Some pet dogs are utilitarian (sheepdogs and dogs for the blind), some are watchdogs, some are companions for the elderly and the lonely, and others are yapping toys for children. Other dogs are ornamental. Yet other dogs are just there; their purpose is an existentialist Heiddegerian Dasein. What is your dog for? What are we for, for that matter?

  4. You don't know how lucky you are. Our little fucking Pom barks whenever anyone walks through the park, barks if anybody walks on the far side of the main road, and goes absolutely ballistic if there is a knock on the door. For a small maggot of a thing, he has an ear piercing bark and in the summertime, he loses it altogether if birds fly "OVER" our back garden.

     

    And don't talk to me about the car ……..

    • Hah!  We had a yapper once who used to tear the car asunder.  That is no exaggeration, by the way – she removed the panel off the rear door and ripped the back off the driver's seat.

      She is no more.

      • My teenage daughter once looked after an Alsation.  Left him alone for two minutes while she went into a local shop and found he had literally ate both front seats of her Mini.  Bloody expensive.  And it tried to eat our two cats.  Stick to calm, lazy and beautiful dogs with no thoughts about world domination.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>