It’s quite cold and windy today.
I don’t particularly mind the cold.
I don’t particularly mind the wind.
But when the two come together, I have a problem.
You see, when it’s cold I like to fire up a bit of heating. I have a choice of bottled gas or the central heating which uses kerosene. But the bottled gas makes a stink and I have to open all the windows which sort of defeats the purpose of the whole exercise as the room fills with cold air again.
So I light the central heating.
And that’s where my problems really begin.
Because while our system is very good at coping with the cold, it ain’t so hot at dealing with the wind.
If the wind is from a particular direction, it works well. Unfortunately, the right direction accounts for about five degrees out of the total three hundred and sixty. If the wind is blowing from any of those other three hundred and fifty five, the fucking thing blows back and fills the house with kerosene fumes. The only way to stop it stinking is to open the windows.
Back to square one.
We have had experts out. They have mounted all sorts of different cowls on the pot but none makes the blindest bit of difference. Our system wants to stink, so stink it shall. Our experts have left, scratching their heads and coughing up kerosene fumes. They have conceded defeat.
One of the experts at one stage installed all sorts of fancy valves and flaps at the back of the boiler. These act as vacuum breakers or something. There are little flaps with balancing screws on them to adjust whether the flaps flap or not. But there seem to be no hard and fast rule as to whether those screws should be screwed in or out.
So if anyone wants me today, I’ll be be behind the boiler.
I’ll be having a quiet screw.