Will someone please tell me what this Feng Shway lark is all about?

Herself met up with her friends in the Coven down at the coffee shop the other day and ever since, she has been rabbiting on about it.

She keeps waffling on about “flows of energy” or some such shite and wants all sorts of changes made around the place.

Apparently our front door is on the wrong side of the house.  I pointed out that if it wasn’t at the front of the house it wouldn’t be a front door anymore but apparently logic doesn’t work with Feng Shway.

She says my favourite armchair is obstructing some fucking flow of energy and wants it moved out into the yard.  If she tries that, there will be a flow of energy all right and it will be aimed at her.

She has been wandering from room to room muttering dark incantations about Good Feng Shway and Bad Feng Shway and she is doing my head in.  It seems that some rooms are good and others are bad.  I can’t see any difference, but Feng Shway says otherwise.  I told her that she only has to stay out of the bad rooms [whatever “bad” means] but that isn’t good enough.  The “balance” is all wrong.  Things have to “flow”.

She has even suggested that the house is all wrong and that it really should be pulled down and rebuilt.  That’s a fucking non-runner.  The house has stood here for the last couple of hundred years and it ain’t moving now. 

I got tired of it in the end, chucked her out and locked the doors.

Immediately there was a peaceful flow of energy through the house.

Maybe there is something to this Feng Shway after all?

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Toil and trouble — 22 Comments

  1. A bit off topic but I recall reading a book about " Ley Lines"  called "The Old Straight Track" by Alfred Watkins  which I think was published back in the 1920s. Fascinating stuff. I wish I still had a copy to re-read. Not much use over here though.

    • Supposedly there are a few ley-lines running through [or close to] here.  A very tricky subject to research though.  I can't find any info on Irish lines though it must exist somewhere.

  2. In a nut shell, it is the art of the pretentious twats of the world to get the gullible of the world to spend their hard-earned on utter crap.

      • In fairness, it covers just about anything these days, from the EU down to those stinking things that plug in and are supposed to make your room smell like a woodland in spring.

        • Oh, don't get me going on those!  Wifey loves those little things all over the place.  The box says it smells like spring flowers and fairy farts, but to me it makes the place smell like the inside of a tart's handbag.

          • When I lived in London in the 80s, my local in Portobello Road was also a fairly regular watering hole for quite a few of the then current crop of rock'n'rollers, John Lydon (Johnny Rotten) being one of them. To my great disappointment, he was a quite mild and pleasant chap. I thought that the least he could have done was smash some glasses, start a fight, and get subsequently banned, but no such luck.

  3. "Will someone please tell me what this Feng Shway lark is all about?"   I think it just means getting things in the right position GD..  just do as she wants. 🙂

  4. Feng Shui, pronounced feng shway as you've written it, means Wind and Water in Chinese. It's mainly associated with tapping positive forces by locating a dwelling in the right direction. In rural China farmers and others called in the "feng shui man" to find the right angle at which new buildings should be constructed. (Sounds like the Irish water diviner mooching around a farm with his tree twig?)

    Some years ago in Hong Kong I read over some English regulations for the management of Catholic cemeteries in the city. Feng Shui is expressly forbidden as superstitious heresy by relatives who wish to have the remains of their dear ones properly interred. The grave must be dug at the same angle as all other graves in the same row. Apparently some Chinese Catholics believe that if the grave is dug in consultation with the feng shui man the departed one will have a better chance of reaching paradise. Bishops don't think that is the correct way to find the pearly gates. So feng shui is out. Non placet et non nihil obstat folks.

    • Good grief!  It's so rare to get a sensible answer on this site that I'm a little taken aback.  So it's wind and water, is it?  Or as we call it here – all wind and piss?  I can understand the wind bit [no one likes a draught] but water?  Or is this where we have little tinkley water fountains in the corner of a room?  It all sounds a bit foreign to me.  What's wrong with just letting the view decide where you stick your window?

      And don't knock the diviner mooching with a tree twig.  I'm one of them fellas.


        • My problem with Feng Shui is that I tend to treat it as a load of bollox.  But then by the same logic, so is water divining, but I know that works even though there is no logic or science behind it.  So maybe there is something there?  *confused*

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