From here to eternity

Me: Howya God!

God: Hello there, GD.

Me: It’s been a while since we had a chat?

God: Has it?  I wouldn’t know.  Time doesn’t mean much when you live forever.

Me:  I suppose.  I see you’ve been giving the Americans a hard time again?  What have you got against New Orleans?

God: Jazz, mostly.

Me: Do you hate jazz that much that you keep throwing hurricanes at them?

God: Well, it’s not just the jazz, though that is reason enough.  I just get pissed off with them thinking they own me.  All that “In God we trust” and “God Bless America” shit.  They irritate me.

Me:  They seem to have that effect on most people, all right.  What do you think about that Westboro Baptist lot and their “God hates fags”?

God: It’s a lie.

Me: What is?

God: That I hate fags.  I smoke about thirty a day.

Me: Something I have been meaning to ask…

God: What’s that, GD?

Me: Is it true that the world is going to end in December this year?

God:  Where did you hear that?

Me: You know that Mayan Calendar crap.  A lot of people seem to believe it.

God: You shouldn’t believe everything you read that’s carved in stone.

Me: Including the Ten Commandments?

God: Except the Ten Commandments.

Me: But is it true?

God:  Maybe.  The world is going to end in not too many seconds.

Me: Seconds?  Are you serious?

God: Very.  But there again, a second is like an eternity up here.

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Comments

From here to eternity — 19 Comments

  1. for fluffs sake if the world is ending soon i wish i could have known it before i wasted the morning cleaning the apartment!

  2. InisEanna – You think I should use my Irish initials?  G O’D?

    Cat – It’s OK.  Your cleaning efforts won’t be wasted as there are nearly four months left.

  3. He’s sounds more cantankerous than you GD!
    What with those hurricanes and whatnot.

    All the same, nice of him to take time out of his busy schedule to have a little chat with you.
    Ask him for the lotto numbers next time will ya.

  4. Re. God smoking – didn’t Moses poke his nose in once while God was sitting behind a bush having a fag? Silly bugger thought the bush was talking to him … it’s all in Scriptures :-)

  5. Anne – Be careful what you say there.  He’s a damn good shot with the old lightning bolts as I know to my cost.  We used to have a the occasional cat in the past.  I suppose we have just been busy lately.

    Caratacus – I thought Moses took the tablets and went behind the bush?  Maybe he had a smoke too?

    John – I once asked God what he thought about sport.  He said it was beneath him.  I pointed out that everything was beneath him, but he just winked.

  6. Moses couldn’t have smoked fags because tobacco was first used by the American red indians (now patronisingly called Native Americans) and no outsiders, bar St. Brendan maybe, reached America until 1492. So that’s why the Bible doesn’t mention a ban on smoking. And it didn’t ban wine or Guinness either, thank god.

  7. If in doubt you can be sure that fella downstairs likes the odd cigar!

    BTW GD, had an honest refrain from our local GP here last year, and i quote “there is no scientific evidence that smoking damages your health”. How’s that for one out of the blue!

     

  8. I thought in one of your past musings that you thought God might be a woman?  Just stop messing with what little mind I have left, or is it right, or right of center, ahhhhhhhhhhhhh please make the political voices in my head stop!!!!!!!

  9. Mick – I think your GP is just expressing a belief held by many GPs.  I know I include my own in that.  However, stating that publicly would be a death-knell to their careers.

    John – What difference would it make?  When you can just zap up a baby with the click of a finger, you don’t need all the ancillary equipment?

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