Me: Howya God!
God: Hello there, GD.
Me: It’s been a while since we had a chat?
God: Has it? I wouldn’t know. Time doesn’t mean much when you live forever.
Me: I suppose. I see you’ve been giving the Americans a hard time again? What have you got against New Orleans?
God: Jazz, mostly.
Me: Do you hate jazz that much that you keep throwing hurricanes at them?
God: Well, it’s not just the jazz, though that is reason enough. I just get pissed off with them thinking they own me. All that “In God we trust” and “God Bless America” shit. They irritate me.
Me: They seem to have that effect on most people, all right. What do you think about that Westboro Baptist lot and their “God hates fags”?
God: It’s a lie.
Me: What is?
God: That I hate fags. I smoke about thirty a day.
Me: Something I have been meaning to ask…
God: What’s that, GD?
Me: Is it true that the world is going to end in December this year?
God: Where did you hear that?
Me: You know that Mayan Calendar crap. A lot of people seem to believe it.
God: You shouldn’t believe everything you read that’s carved in stone.
Me: Including the Ten Commandments?
God: Except the Ten Commandments.
Me: But is it true?
God: Maybe. The world is going to end in not too many seconds.
Me: Seconds? Are you serious?
God: Very. But there again, a second is like an eternity up here.