Horse riding in the UK

I received a link in my email during the week.

Man wanted for ‘inappropriate sexual behaviour’ with horses in Oswaldtwistle field

Now it’s always interesting reading about the sexual preferences of our friends across the Irish Sea, but I was very disappointed that they didn’t go into details.  These things are important for the sake of research.  It’s interesting for example that the Welsh proclivity for sheep doesn’t stretch over the border to the north, but that is about the sum of all we learn.

There is one thing though that stands out [if you’ll pardon the expression].

I got little sleep last night worrying about it.

Can someone please tell me?

What the fuck is appropriate sexual behaviour with horses?

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Comments

Horse riding in the UK — 19 Comments

  1. William – You’ll have to excuse me, but I’m a little innocent when it comes to your average Englishman’s “hobbies”.  If there is inappropriate behaviour, there has to be a corresponding appropriate behaviour.  And we are not talking about on a horse, as the article is quite specific – with a horse.

  2. tt – Pedant.  OK then, north-east.

    Incidentally, if anyone thinks I’m taking the piss out of our UK friends, I’m not.  In fact I hold them in even higher regard now.  I have heard tell that for the first few times it can be very difficult to mount a horse.

  3. I can read GD and on occasions even compfrehend what I am reading.
    “Police are investigating the possibility after the man was seen behaving suspiciously around a number of horses in the Oswaldtwistle area.”
    “Around a number of horses” could mean anything could it not?
    Then the report jumps to this; 
    “The offender has been captured on camera and we are seeking to identify the male responsible for committing the offence as a matter of priority.”
    So behaving suspiciously around horses is an offence these days!
    Here in the made up county of Cumbria there are also a sprinkling of sheep shaggers, allegedly, and they are definitely not Welsh.
     

  4. tt – You must be using a different Google Earth from Me?

    Haddock – Heh!  I’d forgotten about that one.  A hard time on the beat?

    Bill – That’s an excellent point.  Behaving suspiciously?  Was he crawling around on all fours?  Was he asking the horses to pose for naughty photos?  The mind boggles…..

  5. Inappropriate behavior? Hell, I knew a guy who…no, you probably don’t want to hear about that.
     
    Then there was this other guy who…nnnooo, you probably wouldn’t want hear about that one either.
     
    Ah, but there was this one guy who…oh, forget it!
     
    Wouldn’t want you to lose any more sleep.

  6. Kirk – I often wondered what you people in Vermont got up to in the long cold winters.  Now I know…

    tt – Maybe so, but if I walked east from Abergele, I would pass a good thirty miles to the south of Oswaldtwistle.

  7. “What the fuck is appropriate sexual behaviour with horses?”   I’d imagine it’d be ok, if you, um, happened to have a little ‘yee haw ‘as you’re galloping along.. but by accident of course.. due to the friction. And no harm caused to the horsey either. 

    I think that’s why the side-saddle was invented for women.. to stop all that carry on.
    Some interesting history on it here – http://www.horsetalk.co.nz/features/sidesaddle-159.shtml

  8. Given that an average man’s groin is slightly less than a yard from ground level, and a horse’s withers are at approximately four to five feet from ground level, I think we should perhaps be applauding the acrobatic abilities of our miscreant. It just goes to show that if the desire is there, anything is possible…
     
    Mankind is indeed inventive. Makes you proud to be a part of the human race.
     

  9. Welcome Nisakiman! Indeed that had occurred to me. I tried putting “how to mount a horse” into Google and got 30,500.000 hits so it seems to be a fairly popular choice of “partner”.  Why is there an image of a Chihuahua and a Great Dane flashing across my mind?

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